Haunted Beauty

Answering Eternity

I was terrified. That day I lay alone in the cold hospital bed. I felt surrounded by everything everywhere all at once. The air conditioning was on blast, and I couldn't move.

But I didn't feel the cold.

Just the aching sensation of petrifaction seeping into the marrow of my bones.

But then suddenly it was gone.

And I with it.

🕯️𓆩♡𓆪🕯️

"Tell me, is Midoryia doing well?" Todoroki asks me. We have been walking for a little while. The destination is still unclear, it feels as though he is leading me somewhere but expects me to know how to get there too.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully, there's a lot I don't know. I don't know how my old classmates are doing, hell I don't know how my folks are doing. I don't know how Icyhot can seem so ok with the idea of being dead.

"I figured you'd say that, though I thought it was worth a shot to ask." He responded, floating idly alongside me.

"Hm." I wonder what he's thinking. Is he still scared? Is that what's keeping him from going to the Afterlife? Fear? Not that I can blame him. It's an awful sensation. The feeling of losing control of your own emotions and thoughts. Feeling a sense of dread and emptiness consume you as though you were a glass being filled with water.

"What's the matter Bakugo?" The ghost asks me, his bangs covering his expression. There's a lot that I could say, so many answers I could give him. But I can't bring myself to. I feel uneasy around him, like one wrong move and he'll disappear. Or maybe I'll find out that he was merely a figment of my imagination.

"I'm sad that you're dead." I finally answer him. It was the truth. I carry on walking knowing full well that he is no longer beside me. I feel his presence vanish from my surroundings and I sigh.

One wrong move and he'll disappear.

The streets are as bleak as always, signs covered in vines and the paint is chipping off. Mothers clutching their kids so hard in case someone may try to steal them, Fathers putting distance in between themselves and the lives they were forced into by society. It all means nothing to me.

I wanted to see Shoto again.

His death was one I was not expecting.

It felt like the air in my lungs became thicker as I exhaled. The eternally long walk to the graveyard felt like a mere moment. I walked through all the different rows, acknowledging any nearby ghosts with a curt nod of my head.

Finally I found it.

Shoto Todoroki
Jan. 11th 20XX - Feb. 13th 20XX
Aged 20

"When you reach the end of it all,
When you have to answer for your
Eternal sins,
Fear not who you were.
Fear who you'll become."

What a morbid quote. I wonder who wrote it.

I'm 23, so this happened around two years ago. Dying when your life has truly just begun, what a devastating tragedy.
I feel a presence behind me, cold touches my shoulder but I don't flinch.

"My life was a good one. I doubt it would have lasted any longer than that anyways." Todoroki said to me softly. I closed my eyes and leaned into the frigid touch, it brings comfort to my mind.

"You aren't upset that you died so early?" I ask him. Darkness clouds my vision, I'm vulnerable to the world now. The coldness leaves, and I find myself craving it.

"The formalities of life are far too complicated in my opinion."

"Well thank fucking god you're dead then."

"...Rude."

I almost chuckle. I find laughing to be a lot harder now than it was 6 years ago. Back then I used to suppress my laughter, I put on a serious façade. Now my laughter is the façade. And I don't see the humor in anything anymore. The world is bland and tasteless.

"I'm not upset." He continues, I reach my hand out and trace the engravings on the large gravestone. I admire the way my finger dips down into the curves and comes back up when I reach the end of a letter.

"My own body did this to me. It must've been karma for something."

"Don't say that." I rest my hand atop the stone, clenching my jaw. Death is never karma. The moment you die, karma no longer plays a role in your existence. Therefore it doesn't cause it.

"The doctors couldn't explain it. No one could. They called it a freak accident, I called it retaliation. Revenge for everything my body was forced to endure, finally fighting back against the unfairness of it all." Shoto explained, floating around the grave in order to look me in the eyes.

"And you're ok with that?" I ask him. I stand up hearing the birds singing in the distance. I like the melody, it's quite...soothing. Todoroki doesn't say anything else.

He just watches silently as I depart from the graveyard. Many more questions unanswered.

The Afterlife is a beautiful place, I tell myself. And he is a fool for not going there. Whatever he is waiting for is not worth it. This unholy existence, deranged reality, is hardly worth the suffering he has experienced. But here he stays, tethered to this world like a dog on a leash. Except the owner let go, the dog can run free. But it continues to tell itself that if it runs, the leash will choke it. Even if it knows it will not.

I can't imagine staying here for longer than I need to. But he has to have a reason. He was a logical and rational man in life, and those things don't just disappear after death.

I see the dead trees swaying in the wind, their leaves dissolved into the harsh ground. Death surrounds us, but our desire to live overpowers it. And we like to act as though it's not there. The brittle branches and bark of the oak tree I walk by seem to speak to me, a silent prayer that they too will be able to rest soon.

What an unfortunate way to live, dying only to be brought back to life. I think I'd like to stay dead. If my fate was sealed I'd like to keep it that way, unopened, tied up. Do not defile my soul and body by thrashing me around from life to afterlife and back. Just leave me be, let me decide where I belong.

If I do not belong here than so be it, I'm sure whatever's waiting for me behind the cold fearful veil is much more pleasant than this unnatural way of living.

Living by rules I didn't decide to live by. Existing solely because of a choice another person made, thriving by default.

I don't regret being born.
And I will not regret the day I die.