Not Okay

Chapter 1

I'm on the floor. It happens at the end of everyday. Someone just 'happens' to walk into me, their arm accidentally makes its way to my face and collides it with the floor. I've learnt over the years; the best thing to do is just stay there. Let them walk over you. Let them tread on you back, slide along your hair, trip over your legs. It's not like they're gonna care anyway.

•••••

"How was school?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Really? You look like you've been crying."

I groan inside my head. "It's something I can't help."

"You tell me this every night."

"I'm on my period."

"You say that, too."

"Just don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine."

"I'm your dad. It's my job to worry about you."

I slap my hands on the table and storm down the hallway to my room.

•••••

It's three hours before I come out, red-faced and in my pyjamas. There's no sign of anyone being near by, so I head straight to the landline. Picking it up, I dial the familiar number. She answers after the third ring.

"Hi."

"Hey. I've been waiting for you."

"Thanks." That in itself is enough to calm my beating heart.

I laugh comes from the other end of the line. "For what?"

I take a deep breath. "For... you know, just knowing I exist."

The line falls silent, until she laughs again. "Tell me, what's up?"

And so I begin to pour my heart out to her. It happens every night; I talk, she listens. I cry, she says nothing. I stop crying, she says a few words. And that's how my life is changing.

"I don't even know why I bother living. No one knows me, I'm not any use to anyone, and I'm not enjoying living it. Why am I here? Tell me, why do I have to go through everything everyday?"

The only sound I can hear for a few moments is my reckless sobbing. "I would miss you."

So it starts all over again. My body is shaking so hard with tears that I drop the phone and cause a loud bang, enough to wake up my so-called dad who comes trudging down the hallway. Before he can see anything, I hang up the phone and scurry back to my bedroom.