Until We Meet Again

Almost Lover...

When I first saw him, my heart beat rapidly. I was nervous and I didn't know why. Jay was his friend and his friend was dating me and I was in awe by Jay and it was a mess inside of me. When I first looked into his eyes, I felt like I was drowning in two black pits but it wasn't haunting, no. It was eyes that held something deeply, those eyes held something I wanted to know. They were so round and intense and I wanted to search every secret hidden in those black and deep eyes. It looked as if it was reading my soul and I felt so vulnerable and I hate being vulnerable. He waved at me and I smiled at him and acted like it was a normal thing, which really was a normal thing for them but for me I was fluttering inside. I know I shouldn't have fallen for Jay but I just couldn't help falling for him. His friend and I were having issues because I was the kind of girl who misses someone too much that they get annoyed, I cared "too much" and I love "too much" that's why he was mad and I didn't understand why. But Jay did, he understood me, he told me things that made my heart flutter once more and it was right there I knew I was in trouble. Eli didn't understand me like Jay did. Eli values me yet leaves me hanging at the same time because he knows I'll always stay with him but Jay... Jay was different. Jay knows what it felt to be hung up on somebody who makes you want to leave and stay at the same time, he knows how painful that is and in the process of knowing him, I fell more and more infatuated with him. That was not a problem because no one would know it except me, but then one night he told me he was falling for me and everything that I've tried so hard to keep and control just burst out of my mouth. I couldn't leave Eli even though he treated me like that but I couldn't stay away from Jay and those words that made an impact in my mind. It was a fatal attraction and we were both wrong to tell what we really felt. I was wrong in many ways but I didn't regret telling him I love him. He knew he was ruining everything with me and Eli and him and Eli but he couldn't care less. I couldn't go behind Eli's back and I couldn't hurt Jay anymore by being with Eli. He told me that he would wait, he told me he would wait till we were both ready, till everything was set. I didn't want him to wait but he insisted on waiting. He still loved me and respected my decision to be with Eli. He controlled his feelings and told me he when the right time comes, he'll be there waiting for me. It was hard, so hard, seeing a strong man like him cry in front me. He was smiling desperately to keep his tears from falling and that killed me with a hundred knives in a thousand ways. His eyes, full of unshed tears and pain, haunted me for the rest of my life. Jay finally went back to where he came from and once again I was left with nothing but an "almost". "Almost lover"
"Almost forever"
And it shattered me to love the right person at the wrong time