Reflection of Ametrine [HIATUS]

The Past and Present

Atsushi decided to leave after dinner, much to the children's disappointment. He didn't want to be met by Dazai's death glare anymore much less have anything to do with them.

The children were nice and it was good to have played with non-dangerous people that couldn't kill but they were too exhausting to take care of.

Besides, he missed Elise and Kyuu, without them he won't have any actual 'fun' such as drawing on the walls and making Mori cry by making heartbreaking comments.

Making trouble and killing was in his everyday life so he wasn't used to not doing that. 

Maybe one day he could join the Armed Detective Agency again and fight for justice, but that seemed to be a ridiculous idea, they might not accept a killer like him.

He had always wondered if he could become 'good' again but he had too many attachments in the Port Mafia to just abandon everything he had built up. 

It was like asking someone to make a castle of gold and blue diamonds that could reach the sky but deciding to raze it to the ground (with an ability perhaps) and build it again with stone.

That was a waste of resources, such expensive things to be destroyed and replaced with useless things, efforts gone to waste.

He didn't like that plan so he was going to keep that castle without destroying it, the place he was working at has way more benefits.

These benefits were much more valuable than joining the righteousness and being chained by the laws of the world.

Being able to make lots of money, break the laws, and do whatever he wanted was so much better, even if it had consequences that he would have to face later.

"The law can't save all the orphaned children anyway, even a criminal can help them better than anyone that follows justice" he muttered.

He thought of Oda and his kindness, that person was quite different from others, someone who refuse to kill.

"I heard that it was because he wanted to become a novelist and doesn't think that a person like him who kills people has the qualifications to become one... or so I heard"

Mori told him that and he thought that it was funny, why would he want to become a writer when he makes enough money by killing? 

Humans don't make sense at all, he can never know what others are thinking without reading their minds and even that would not be able to understand them fully.

Oda should have a good reason behind this and he could question that when they meet again which was not that frequently.

.

.

Meanwhile, Oda sneezed and rubbed his nose, the children looked at him curiously.

"Is someone thinking about me?" 

He shook his head in confusion before taking the children to bed.

............................................................................................................................

"Atsuuushiiiiii!!!"

Mori leaped towards him and tried to hug, with his arms stretched wide.

The keyword was tried, he moved before the other could get to him

"Stop crying old man, you look ugly when you do"

He scoffed before greeting his siblings, Elise and Kyuu. They seemed to be in a good mood after seeing him and asked where he had been.

The man regained his composure before opening his mouth.

"You have a lot of work to do, how could you ditch it and disappear without a word? Do you know how worried I have been? I didn't search for you since I was sure that you wouldn't like it but this is going too far, to think you would be gone for a whole day! Have some pity for your elder, I was worried sick..."

"If you are 'worried sick' why are you out of your bed? Do you still have the energy to scold me like that being 'sick' and all after I was missing? Could it be that you don't care about me since you still have the energy to be like that?"

That was the first time he was scolded and it came as a shock, one moment he was his usual self and the next he looked angry like a disappointed father. Did this person have a dissociative disorder?

 He decided to retort because he normally wasn't talked to like that by him, it was normally brushed off by the other acting childishly. He knew how spoilt he sounded but he was used to it and he was physically 6 years old, why not act like one?

Though it truly was confusing, it wasn't like he broke the whole base down or messed up in an important event. So what if he has been missing for a day?

A human's mind surely cannot be read unless one was a super genius which he wasn't. 

Maybe he could ask Chuuya why people acted the way they did, he would probably know how since he can get along with Dazai, and even if it didn't sound hard, it was a great achievement.

They always fought but in his eyes, he thought that they seemed to deny that they cared for each other.

Knowing Dazai, that man wasn't someone to trust and was a bad teacher, anyone can see that by looking at how badly Akutagawa turned out.

Why did he even want his mentor to accept him after how much he was abused anyway?

Did Akutagawa get some kind of brain damage that made him admire that man after eating dirt every training?

He planned to find a good doctor that can heal brain injuries so that the other would not turn out like that in the future, although he thought it was too late.

All that thinking made him not realize that he had already walked out of the door without seeing Mori's reaction before going down the hallway and into Chuuya's office.

Not wanting to go out after getting such an opportunity, he sat down and waited to find the answers to his curiosities. 

"Atsushi? Why are you here?"

Dazai glared at him with hostility which he did not bother to give back, it was tiring to keep up with the other's childishness.

"Can you not tell?"

"I cannot. Now tell me why you are here, and don't look at me like that"

Atsushi sighed and looked away, why can't Dazai just go and leave him alone?

"I came to get assistance from Chuuya-san"

The other just scoffed making him feel offended, but he didn't say anything and just sat there waiting. 

"Why did you join the Port Mafia? Atsushi? At such a young age" Dazai asked to break the silence that had lasted for a long time.

He was annoyed at that but pondered at the question that Dazai threw him and realized that he was only 6 years old, an age at which one would be in school, learning. But wasn't he mentally older?

Thinking of a reasonable response that held the truth, he opened his mouth.

"It just happened. I was an orphan with nowhere to go and met Mori, he gave me a place where I could call home. I never regretted joining the Port Mafia, though I always wondered what would have happened if I joined the good side"

Atsushi already knew what would happen if he had not joined this place but the ADA, a place where he felt belonged and loved, a place without killing or violence. He even saved somebody, it proved that he wasn't completely useless.

But that has never happened here, there was only a cold-blooded killer that would not regret bloodshed. He was not the same person, he became someone who did not fear being near death.

The Port Mafia was more exciting, full of events that happened, and fewer people shouting at him. Nobody dared to look down on him and he was allowed to do almost whatever he wanted. His ability was used very often and he felt accomplishment from it.

The difference was too much.

"What about you Dazai? Why did you join the Port Mafia?"