The rain was pouring down. It was dark and my feet were cold. I was soaked from head to toe. I didn't know where I was going or what time it was, I just needed to get out of there. The place I called home until that night. I was done, done with it all. "How stupid I am." My thoughts where as fast as my feet. "How stupid and silly I am! How didn't I notice the signs? How did I let this happen? Why did I let HIM do it to me again?"
Fours years of my life. Four fucking years, one thousand sixty days, thirty-five thousands and forty hours spent. All turnt to flames. All the time spent compromising, working, trying to communicate. All for this relationship to work, and it all got fucked over in 5 minutes.
I wasn't heartbroken I wasn't sad, I was angry. I couldn't get my head around it, the scene continued to be replayed in my head.
"It is not what it seems. I can explain and It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to get mad like this." This were his first words, his first instinct: diminish what happened, gaslight me. "It's not what it looks like." Bullshit. He knew it, I knew it, we both did. It was fucked up, we fucked things up, we just did.
I didn't react as I expected, no tears were falling down my eyes, no shouting, screaming nor throwing things, just silence. I was in disbelief.
"I just fucked her while I was drunk, babe. I was drunk and you know it. I know it, it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't change US. I just wasn't being myself."
Those were the last words I let him say to me. I just left, I couldn't stand his presence in my sight anymore. I was done with the conversation, I was done with whatever US meant.
I still don't remember much of that night. I just found myself wandering in silence, replaying over and over the scene that played in front of me. How could he? How was I the only one working and putting effort in this thing? Was it a real relationship? Does Love really exist, then? What Is love? Can you call it love when trust and respect are not even in the picture?
Those were my thoughts that night. I don't know for how long I kept walking through the city of Seoul.
Seoul wasn't my city, South Korea wasn't even my home country. What I was doing there? What I was going to do there now? That's another action I had taken to make this - whatever this meant - work. I left everything I knew, I left my family and my friends behind, for what I thought was love. In four years I had to rebuild myself here, to find a new job, to learn a new language and to immerse in a whole new country and culture that were so different from mine. I didn't regret it tho, I don't regret doing this even now, but at the time I was so lost in these thoughts.
Having lost track of time, at some point I noticed the sunrise lights in the sky. "Fuck, I have been walking all this time, where am I?" It's so easy to get lost in this city, everything looks the same: traffic is a nightmare and people never seem to sleep. At 8 am on the bus you could encounter workers going to the office to start their day, or university students coming back home from a night of drinking and clubbing. They say New York is "The City that Never Sleeps", but trust me when I say that they have never been to Seoul.
Finally I spotted a familiar place, one of the many convenience stores scattered all over the city and I decided I was in need of something warm. I entered and headed straight to the instant rameyon section. Even back in my home country, instant ramen had been one of my comfort food. The amount of these packets my roommates and I consumed during our exams season back in university was extremely worrying and bad for our health, but so good for the heart.
Once I paid, I went to the microwave station, but I noticed it was already occupied by someone, being the box in the microwave itself. After a few minutes nobody was coming to take it, so I opened the door of the machine and tried to take it out, not burning my fingers.
In an instant, a tall, brown haired guy was behind me, a thick black mask covering half of his face, two silver rings on his right ear and another small one on the left. "Hey! That's mine. Were you trying to steal it? Don't you know it's bad manners?" Without touching my hand, he proceeded to grab his cup from my hands and left. He didn't even let me explain.
"Great, now I am a stealer too. Great-fucking-day to me, I guess" I was too in my head to notice he was still sitting in the small space, giving his back to me in front of the store window, but checking on me through the reflection.
"You should start the microwave if you want your food warm, you know?" He said to me, pointing with his chopstick at me and then at the microwave. The mask now on his chin, revealing a pouting look. I stared at him, not knowing if he was really talking to me still. "Are you talking to me?" He looked around. "Who else then? There's nobody here, not even ghosts. It's 7 am on a Sunday, who would eat at a convenience store other than some drunk kid?" "Aren't you a bit old to be going around clubbing and getting drunk, then?" I instantly regretted the last words. I didn't know him, he was definitely older than me and I just spoke informally to him. I was fucked, I was going to get insulted at any moment now.
"Oh my god! I'm sorry, It wasn't intended to sound like tha..." He interrupted me abruptly. "It's okay, you are right. It's 7 am and you look like you had a rough night. It's okay really. I started it, you clearly wanted your jappaghetti warmed up. Have a good meal and take care, it's raining a lot tonight." Saying that, he left and never looked back.
What a weird guy. I almost insulted him and HE said HE was sorry. I pulled out my phone from my bag: four missed calls and ten text messages. Every single one of them from the same number, all of them from Him.
I quickly went through them, it was a mix of guilt and regret, but also false accusations. As if a "Don't you dare leave me like this" or a "Can't you see that I still love you and I will always do" would convince me to come back to what I thought was home. That wasn't my home anymore, maybe it had never been and it took me a shit lot of time to realize that.
I quickly get out of the chat and looked through my contacts until I found the one I was looking for. I pressed the "call" button and listened to the sound the phone made while the call was getting through. He was the only one I knew he would pick up so early in the morning. He was the pro at all nighters in my friends group.
"Hello...?" His voice rough and deep, maybe he was asleep this time around.
"Kookie, hi... It's me, Y/N... I'm sorry, it's late... I mean it's early... Aaishh, I'm sorry."
"Y/N slow down... First of all, stop saying sorry. Second, where the fuck are you?! That background noise isn't from your apartment." His worried tone made me smile while sipping on my now warm meal.
"Oh, can you really hear that? I thought you couldn't... anyway, I'm somewhere in Yeonsang-gu, I'm not really sure if I'm in Itaewon yet... actually, I'm a bit lost..." In that moment I realized that I had been walking around my district like a lunatic for almost five hours by then.
"What the heck, girl? What's going on? Are you hurt? Are you drunk?! Wait... Are you on drugs?!"
"No, wait... WHAt? How could you think I'm drunk when I had my last shot of soju ever with you?! I just walked a lot that's it... Anyway, I called you because I don't know where I am, I cannot find a freaking taxi and I can't go home right now. Can you come and pick me up, please?" I said, not even breathing between words. I was exhausted all of a sudden.
"What the hell! How long have you been waiting to call me? It isn't safe out there, especially at night. Where is Mingyu? Why isn't him picking you up? What happened? I cannot believe he let you out on the streets all this time! Of course I'm coming, just send me your live location, and please don't move. I don't want you to get lost again." His voice now fully awake, a bit anxious If I can say so.
"Okay okay... sending it to you right now. Please don't be mad at me, I'm going to explain everything once you come and pick me up. Just, don't be mad. Thank you, because I am fine, I truly am, Jung Kook." Not letting him respond, I closed the call and sent him my location.
"And now, we wait for what is going to happen next". I thought letting out a small sigh and falling seated on the sideway of one of the many streets as dusk was hitting the city that has stolen and broken my heart in many ways.
YOU ARE READING
인연 - Destiny
Fanfiction"I still don't remember much of that night. I just found myself wandering in silence, replaying over and over the scene that played in front of me. How could he? How was I the only one working and putting effort in this thing? Was it a real relation...
