I have some news.

I have some important news

I don't know if any of u care but I thought u all at least deserved to know. I have discovered a hard, moveable mass on my back end that I think may be cancerous. I have unintentionally been awake for 48 hours & I'm going to sleep soon. But afterwards I'm going to make an appointment & find out if its cancerous. I don't know if any of u even care at all. But I just want to thank every single person who chose to follow me here on Wattpad. U followed me because u liked who I was in my description on my profile. At least I assume u did. And I've never really liked being around people because being an empathic, disabled, transgender guy, its draining. I watched cop shows like Law & Order: SVU & criminal minds growing up & so I got to know the worst kind of people among the human race. But I've met some amazing humans & people & I'm so happy that call me a friend. I have bipolar, autism, ADHD & a couple of other disabilities. I was raised by my great aunt who adopted me because my biological mother hands full with my biological brother who wasn't as high functioning as I was. But my great aunt/adopted mom, the way she was raised was if ur child misbehaved spank them & so that's how she raised me. Which did not do any good at all for me. It only led me to hate my great aunt/adopted mom so much so that I often wished her dead. But after meeting my soulmate, my entire life changed for the better. He accepted me for me, flaws & all. He never hated me, or got mad at me, or blamed me for anything. He is my light, because of him I have a little bit of a better relationship with my great aunt/adopted mom. Because of him I learned to let go of my hatred & instead let his beautiful pure love & light fill me spiritually & fill my heart instead. We r bonded on a level that's not physical. We r bonded spiritually. I can always feel whatever he is feeling. I had a hard time interacting with others my age. I didn't have any friends till high school. I often had 'fits' & both my great aunt/adopted mom & my adopted dad would take my to a behavioral hospital to calm down or whatever. I've always felt different. I've always loved all guy clothes. I finally discovered I was a guy deep inside in the beginning of my 2nd semester in my senior year in high school. I always got along with all of my little cousins & always 'acted' as my adopted parents called it as a '5 year old.' Hell I know I have. But I'm glad they took me in. But the way they raised me was not the best. Because of things my adopted mom/great aunt did to me well it led to me unintentionally lashing out at my first innocent dog because the bad emotional environment I was in. But I got my own place about 5 years ago, albeit its an assisted living apartment, it was still my own place. About 3 years ago I got my first official pet & I've been bettering myself ever since I got her, to not spank her, or over react to something that wasn't her fault. I wanted to break out of the way they raised me because want to ever hurt her. It killed me when I did, & I live with the guilt, the shame, & the knowledge of hurting her & no one hates me as much as I hate myself for hurting her. I often thought about killing myself when I did. But I've gotten a lot better, & I rarely lash out at my dog Leona anymore. I bettered myself for her because I love my dog Leona, she is my baby girl, my precious baby who I die for in a heart beat. And I bettered myself for my cat Vegeta too. I never wanted to unintentionally hurt or lash out at either of my furbabies again. I have my bad days & guilt, shame, & agony consume me & I often want to die & kill myself if I hurt either of them. I've always loved animals & I'm sorry for what I've done. I live with it every day. But please don't hate me, because I already hate myself every single day. I struggled a lot to discover how I needed to calm down from a fit. But I haven't had a fit in years. *Sighs deeply into my heart.* Now I may have cancer & I'm worried & scared. And no one probably cares but I just wanted to let all of those who follow me on Wattpad know about this.

Thanks for reading to the end. Thanks for taking the time to read this.