Liars.

oh

I made this thing two years ago. I wish I could say it did got better. But it didn't. Life is a lot bearable now, so I suppose that is positive. I made friends and lost friends but that's life. I made this so I could write about my feelings but I never really used it. Since I'm kind of struggling again I will try to pick this up. I refuse to go to therapy. Next school year is my last year of middle school. I still haven't figured out what study I want to do and my family puts a lot of pressure on me. I try to get out of the house as much as I can. My parents aren't the problem, but my head is just too crowded. I can't think, I can't sleep and eating isn't going too well. I try to keep my mind off of things by going to the gym or hanging out with friends. Even if it's just going on a walk is fine. I tried talking to mother about how I felt that my sister was the golden child. And I was just the funny one. Whenever I talk about my feelings they thing I'm kidding, because I joke a lot. They realise it's not a joke when I start crying. But most of the time they say I'm "projecting" or "you think it's like that but it isn't" and we can't forget the "I didn't mean it like that" they all are lazy excuses. Instead of trying to excuse behaviour, talk to me about it. Ask me what I feel like they could do a bit better. Or they just stare at me crying an give me hug. It meant good it just didn't feel good. And whenever it get's serious they want to send me to therapy again. And then they ask me why I don't talk about my feelings anymore. 

And then we have my grandma. She's so sweet, but the comments on my body are making me so insecure. "Oh you gained weight" "oh you lost weight" "why aren't you eating, you're not on a diet?" Etc. I'm too young to hear that kind off stuff. People can say all they want but Ive been hearing this since I was 10. And I'm not saying this to be problematic. I just think it's weird that she gets away with stuff like that just because she grew up in a different generation.

I got taught to stand up for myself. Unless it's to elders. If they're being disrespectful you bet I will stand up for myself. It's not an insult so don't pretend like it is. Elderly people can learn to have respect to others as well. It doesn't come from one side.

But that's all I had to get off my chest. So maybe see you soon??