There's A Shewolf In The Closet | TOPHABE

Denial.

Topher was flat out uncomfortable with his body, it never felt right. He'd look from different angles, put on different outfits yet none felt right, not even his name felt right, even after changing it to just 'Topher Bus.' There was something wrong with him and he knew it, but what was it? What could he not put his finger on?
"Topher? Toph!"
Topher jumped at his name being called, snapping back into reality. He was sitting at lunch with Abe, who was his only friend.

"Hey bud, you kind of zoned out there." Abe pointed out.
"Yeah I noticed." Topher replied snarkily. Abe looked at his friend concerned, despite Topher always being pretty mean he was usually a bit more active and responsive than this.
"You okay? You've been kinda of just.. off." Abe brought to his attention, well, didn't bring to his attention, since Topher felt off and knew he was off, but still.  The shorter male scoffed and stood from his seat,
"Im just gonna leave, I don't wanna interact right now." He then left, Abe watched until Topher was out of view. He could've followed, he would've followed, but Topher said he didn't want interaction, so he left it.

——————

Topher walked through the halls, he opened his locker so he could get in it.
"Hey, Topher!" Frida spoke from behind him, he jumped.
"Jesus! What?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"Jeez, calm down." She started, "Me, Harriet, and Confucius are having a sleepover tonight but it feels weird having one guy and you're the first other guy I saw so.. wanna come?" She asked, he felt angry when she mentioned him being a guy, it was discomforting for no reason. Why was he upset when someone had called him his gender?
"Whatever, I'll just go ask JFK or somethi-"
"Wait! I'll go, I'll go." Topher cut Frida off as she was about to walk away since Topher was zoned out once again, she looked at him, raising her eye brow but then just shrugging.
"Alright man, cya tonight." She waved to him, then walked away. Topher huffed, now climbing up into his locker and shutting it, he took his phone out and began to text his therapist about how he was feeling. He started opening up to his therapist more lately, she was actually pretty helpful with most things, or at least more helpful than Topher expected.

THERAPIST :
It could have something to do
with gender identity, have you ever struggled with that type of stuff before by any chance?

Topher looked at the message confused, what? He wasn't transgender or anything! Not like it was a bad thing it just.. wasn't him, though he had struggled with his sexuality before..

TOPHER :
I've struggled with my sexuality before.   How do you know it's my gender though?

THERAPIST :
I was not saying that's exactly what it is, but again, it could be a possibility. Now, you said that when someone in the hall called you 'a guy' you felt uneasy, expand on that more.

TOPHER :
Well I don't know, it just set off something and the anger just came from no where. And whenever people call me my name it just makes me cringe, but I chose my name! I don't understand why I hate it so much now!

THERAPIST :
Topher I have another client to attend to, until our next session I want to do some research on gender identities and see if any of them besides cis male align with you, okay?

TOPHER :
Okay

THERAPIST :
Great! I'll be seeing you Saturday at 2:30, take care!

Topher immediately went to google and searched up gender identities, he took a peak at images, gazing at the flags before going onto a website with a list of identities. He scrolled through, looking at definitions and flags and then he came upon 'Transgender (MtF)' he read along the description multiple times, in complete denial. He shut off his phone and shoved it in his pocket so he could think. Why did he feel this way? Was it possible to shove these feelings down or would they pop back up at some point like a crush? His head was spiraling, all over his gender identity! Why was this so hard to accept? He didn't have time for this. He huffed, pushing open his barely open locker and going to class.