Mister Write (IlCey AU)

Chapter 16

It's been a hard day, in many ways. Ilgaz finishes his meal, shooting Ceylin a glance. She hasn't displayed her usual appetite during dinnertime. Maybe she's just as exhausted as him, but he can't help but worry. His mind wanders to what happened yesterday, and his unease increases to the point where the sweetness left behind by the dessert turns bitter.

Maybe he should've handled things better, eased Ceylin into the revelation, asked questions rather than demanded answers. But it admittedly hurt, finding out that she had kept another secret from him. Ilgaz gets it, he swears he does, it's not like he has some right to know everything about her. But firstly, he absolutely DOES want to know all; and secondly, this was something relevant to the investigation and something he had indirectly inquired about. Then again, he can see why she preferred to keep it to herself. And he definitely also saw how devastated by it all Ceylin was. His mind wanders to the last moments...

* * *

Ilgaz stares at the room door. Ceylin opened it with such force when running out that it banged against the wall, the handle leaving a slight indent in it. He glowers at that mark against pristine white, wondering morosely if that's a sign, a symbol. For a dent in their relationship, though he's not even sure they have one. And he also wonders if what happened today will be as easily forgettable and fixable as a small hole in the plaster.

Rubbing his forehead, he replays the past few minutes in his head and swallows down a curse. Yes, this is bound to leave a mark, though maybe not one so easily visible. On Ceylin first and foremost, but also on them. He knows it, and it hurts as much as he hurts for her.

She ran away just now. From him? From her past? From the harsh truth? From future possibilities? If only he knew. If only he could do more for her. If only he could tell her about his feelings. But this really isn't the time to blurt out his love. He debates for a moment if she would even want to see him right now, but his worry wins over.

Following the trail of slammed-open doors as well as trampled down gravel and grass, Ilgaz winds his way out of the building and through the garden. He's half-running by the time the wind carries shouts to his ears.

There she is, almost at the end of his property, on her knees in the wildflowers. Hunched over, her hands curled into the soil and grass like claws. Ilgaz slows his steps and walks closer, as one would try to approach a wild animal in distress. She isn't crying, but he wishes she were. The shouting has stopped. Her whole body is curled in on itself, and her hands keep scrabbling futilely against the ground.

Feeling his heart break a little more, Ilgaz crouches down next to Ceylin. He reaches out tentatively and wraps his fingers around a wrist. She flinches and finally raises her head, a wild expression of despair and fury on her face, framed by some of the hair come loose from her messy bun.

He squeezes her wrist, tugging gently until she lifts her hand. Turning it over, he hisses at the dirt mingled with tiny cuts on her palm and fingers. "Ah, Ceylin, ah."

Moving from his crouching position into a kneeling one, he leans close and wraps himself around her. "It's alright. It's going to be alright." He keeps repeating it, softly, cooing more than speaking. Shushing her, rocking her a little in his hold until he feels her dirty, bleeding hands clutch at him as her body melts into his embrace. And still, she doesn't cry.

"Ceylin?" He talks softly against her ear, not wanting to let go of her but also knowing - and hating - that no matter how tightly he holds her, he can't put together all the broken pieces. "I don't want you to treat yourself like that, do you hear me? I don't want you to think there's anything wrong with you or that you in any way deserve these things happening to you."

"But..."

"No." He squeezes tighter, rubbing his head against hers. "You're an amazing person, and you deserve all the good things in life. But life isn't always fair. And that's not on you."