Pretty Girls Bleed Flowers

Ugly, Ugly, Ugly

  I was ugly. Anyone who knew me when I was young could have told you so, and they let me know every chance they got. I was more frizzy hair, gapped teeth, and scattered freckles than anything else. 

  It certainly didn’t help when we moved to Ms. Carrie’s house. I hated it there. Her sons were rotten, and there wasn’t a single other kid in the neighborhood. Back on Rose Avenue, there were plenty of kids to play with. 

  Ms. Carrie had a playground in her backyard, but only her kids could use it. On Rose Avenue, everyone got to use the playground. That one even had swings where no one would yell at you if you could swing the highest.

  What I hated most about Ms. Carrie’s house was her awful cat. He was the kind of cat my dad would tell you was only good for fishbait. I was so mean he once swiped at my face just for looking at him. There’s a scar on my eyelid even now. On Rose Avenue, we never had any pets, but a nice man down the road would always let me pet his dog. That dog never got mad at me, petting him even though she was working. She helped my neighbor see. 

  Ms. Carrie’s house was the worst. I hated it so much that I stopped playing at all. I would just sit and stare at the wall all day, making up friends for myself and thinking of all the fun we could have.

  The only good thing about Ms. Carrie is she filled her pantry with all the things my dad would never let me have. My dad was gone, though; he had to work all the time. Ms. Carrie’s oldest son was supposed to watch me. He was mean, though; if you even went near him, he would hit you. So, I ate what I wanted, and I never played.

  Jenny got remarried that year, and I was the flower girl. She told me not to smile in the pictures because it would make me look fatter than I already was. 

  My dad moved me and my brothers into a motel on the last day of second grade. He gave us each one plastic tub to get everything we wanted to take with us. I got all my stuffed animals. Nick brought his baseball equipment. Dad packed James’ stuff for him. 

  Dad said we had to leave because Ms. Carrie’s son kept hitting us all the time. That was okay, though; when we got to the motel, Jenny was there. We were all happy to see her. It was the first time I remember us all living together. She said she got hit; too, I never had much liked her new husband.

  Jenny and my dad got an apartment together at the end of that summer. She lived with us for a year, and she and I even shared a room.

  I was ugly. She told me all the time. When that year ended, my nail started to yellow, my hair fell out everywhere, and I shivered even in the summer.

  The school nurse was a nice lady. She used to beg me to take the saltines she had when I got so dizzy I couldn’t walk right. I never took them, but I liked that she cared.