The side door swings shut as I make my way towards the end of the porch in my backyard. It was a cool and humid night, not anything I'm used to. My slippers creaked against the squeaky wooden floors beneath me. I lean against the railing which was only a few feet above the dry grass. I let out a sigh.
Things have been stressful, and hard to deal with. After what I'd been put through, it was hard to wake up and feel like my life had any reason. The only time of day that I truly enjoyed was being out here alone, listening to the crickets and feeling freedom, which will never be taken for granted again. But of course, good things end.
"Jacey, come on," my dad says from inside. I keep my eyes focused on the back fence, almost stuck in a deep train of thought that glued me to that very fence post.
"Jacey!" He says more sternly, his feet almost planted harder onto the carpeted livingroom floor. I blink the stare away and turn around. I stay quiet and wait for him to reply as I stood in front of him.
"It's nearly midnight," he lets out an exasperated tone. I was a bit surprised about the time, but it wasn't a concern.
I really, really, loved sitting out here with nothing but my thoughts to distract me. "I'll be in later, please?" I ask softly.
He shakes his head and groans as he takes a small step forward. "No, no, no. This... the thing... it can't be used as an excuse anymore to just do whatever you want," he rubs his eyes with his fingers. I keep my stare, this time focused on him. Unbelievable.
"But I've been, like, really qu-" he harshly interupts, causing me to flinch. "Do not talk back to me! You listen to me! Go inside!" He points his finger into the house, his face blooming with anger.
"Okay."
I push past him and stomp off to my room down the hall. He made me so... so angry.
Excuse? Excuse? What was being used as an excuse? What is it about me that makes him so uncomfortable and mad?
I shut my door and kick my slippers off into the wall. I let out a small scream in my throat, just to lessen the tension that was tightening up in my chest.
"Why the fuck does he treat me so bad?" I mutter to myself, my forearm resting on my forehead as I fall back into my bed. My eyes water. Can I do no good?
●
●
●
"Good morning, honey." Mrs. Diedre, the math teacher, smiles and opens the school's back door for me. I smile with a bit of shame and enter. I'm so late.
It was nearly 11 A.M. when I got there, and school starts at 8. Truth is, I did it on purpose. The last thing I want to hear is a bunch of assholes tease me about everything I do. It was hard not having a friend to laugh about it with or ignore it with.
I walk down the slippery and echoey hallway down to my science class. After this, it'd be lunch break and I'd be able to go home... maybe.
Just as I turn the corner down the brick-lined walls with my shoes squeaking from the waxed ground, I see one of the counselors. My counselor.
I avoid eye contact just to get the conversation started late, even if it was only a few seconds more.
"Oh, hey! Jacey!" He stops me with an overbearing grin. I stop and look up at him with the best smile I could give him. "How are things?" He asks, his hands now resting in the pockets of his generic blue jeans. He had a blue plad button-up with a yellow and green striped tie. It was.. brave.
"Well, y'know," I shrug and laugh, pulling my backpack higher onto my shoulders. "Terrible."
He nods, but he didn't find it amusing.
"Okay. Just talk to me during lunch like we have been. I'm always open to being with a friend!" He rubs my shoulder after saying that excitedly.
I keep the fake smile on. It was embarrassing that I had no other person other than Mr. Barbosa. He was nice, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't anything I would ever do for fun.
"Oh, and you look great today by the way. The design on that jacket is incredible." He points at a small graphic of a yellow smiley face who's eyes had been crossed out with a pink sharpie. I looked down at it. Emma.
"Thanks," I mutter, now looking at the floor near his shoes. I wanted him to just leave me alone now. I tried as hard as I could to not think about these things. Luckily for me, he was easy to talk to.
"I've gotta go to class, I'm sorry," I say gently, looking at him now. He nods and smiles, almost cartoonish. He was goofy, yet knew how to listen and give advice on serious things.
"Don't apologize. See you at lunch then?" He asks, both his fingers pointing at me. His face was twisted up with slight concern that I'd say no. But I didn't, I agreed with a strong nod.
"Great! See you soon, Jace," he waves bye and continues his stroll down the hall, his keys jingling through the empty doorway. I watch him walk away before sighing and dragging my hands down my face. I hated to be fake around people and it exhausted me, but the last thing I wanna do is constantly talk about the things I went through.
Eventually, I make it to class. I open the door, trying my hardest to avoid any attention from the students or worse, Mrs. Packer. She was the type of teacher to purposely shame you to be sure you don't do that same thing again. The absolute worst type of person.
And with my luck, she notices me almost immediately.
"Oh, Jacey." Almost all eyes lock onto me.
I look at her as I sit at my desk, dropping my backpack down to my right side and collapsing into my chair. I clench my jaw from the stress of whatever shame was going to appease me.
"This is happening much too often, and I don't appreciate when you come in late and interupt my class," she closes her eyes with disappointment, her lips forming into a line. I just watch as she plays out her show. I ignore all the kids staring at me.
"Sorry," I murmur, both my arms laid out flat on the desk, my back arched down. I didn't care to sit normally, but to sit in a way that's comfortable. I had to win that fight.
She stares for a few seconds more before returning to the smart board and explaining what she had been before being so rudely interrupted. I look around to see some students snickering about me. It made me feel insecure, and like I didn't belong. Emma made me feel special, made me feel human.
