If You Wish to Live Wisely, Ignore Stories Such as This One

If You Wish to Live Wisely, Ignore Stories Such as This One

"Aussie! Shut the front door up!" My friend Harley yelled at me.

'Shut the front door up' was our code for.. well 'Shut the .... up'. You get it, right? No? Well, then you flying pack of pickle suckers have no weird imagination. Think of it this way: if we didn't have stupid thoughts, we'd have no interesting thoughts at all.

I'm Aussie Singleton. Never heard of me? Good, then i'm doing a good enough job at being invisible. To everyone except my friends Harley James, and her brother Drake. Hehe, I always make fun of him, calling him Draco from Harry Potter. But he looks nothing like him! He has shaggy blond hair, not that stupid bowl cut. And he has green eyes. They're pretty.

But, back to reality. Me and Harley and Drake were drunk. Totally wasted. And we were in my living room and I was trying to sing "Jesse's Girl". Key word: trying.

"Jesse is a friend.... yeah i know he's been a good friend of mine! But lately somethin's changed that ain't hard to define, Jesse's got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine." I sang out. It sounded bad.

"And she's watchin' him with those eyes!" Drake joined. He didn't sound too bad. He sounded really good, actually. "And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it! And he's holdin' her in his arms lately tonight..."

"YOU KNOW I WISH THAT I HAD JESSE'S GIRL!!" we screamed together. We got up and started jumping on the couch, much to Harley's annoyance. "I WANT I WANT JESSE'S GIRL! WHY CAN'T I FIND A WOMAN LIKE THAT? LIKE JESSE'S GIRL! I WISH THAT I HAD JESSE'S GIRL! I WANT I WANT, JESSE'S GIRL!"

"Shut the front door up before I take my mother fronting Jackie Chan Tuxedo movie and shove it up your popcorn!" Harley screamed.

To you, that may seem confusing. But if you think real hard, you can decode it.

"You wouldn't!" I gasped. She knew that Tuxedo, starring Jackie Chan, was my all time favorite movie, next to Harry Potter. I'm sorry, but Voldemort just gets to me. Ever seen the Harry Potter puppet pals video on  youtube? It's hilarious! Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldy Voldy Voldy, Voldemort!

Drake seemed totally oblivious to the epidemic at hand. "And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time, wonderin' what she dont' see in me. i've been funny, I've cool with the lines, ain't that the way love's supposed to be?...... TELL ME!" he sang. It sounded like he sang this part to himself a lot. hmmmm.

"Oh,  you know I would." Harley said.

"But it's my favorite movie!" i whined.

"Stop acting drunk!" she said.

"I am drunk!"

"You had one beer! You are not that light!"

"Maybe I am!"

"You're not."

She knew that I knew that she knew she was winning. I never won these little arguments, even though i'm super awesome and hilarious. I let her win. Yeah, I do. ...... Okay, no I don't. But don't tell her that.

"Well, Drake's drunk!" I argued. He wasn't actually. None of us were. I lied before. We were all sober, though I'd had one beer, Drake had one, and Harley had two.

She smirked. "We both know that none of us are drunk."

i grumbled. She won.

"So, what's the plan for Prom next weekend?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't really wanna go." I told her.

She gasped and Drake stopped jumping and sat down next to me.

"You have to go! It's our first ever Prom!" she exclaimed.

I shrugged agian. "I just don't have anyone I really wanna go with. And no one has asked me either."

Harley got down on one knee in front of me. "Aussie Singleton, will you pretty pretty please go to our junior prom with me?"

I contemplated it. "Sorry Har, I'm not a lesbian."

She pouted. "What if I told you I was born a man?"

"I'd say bullshit."

"Please?"

"No." she pouted again.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty pretty please?"

"Okay."

"For real?" she jumped up and down in excitement.

"Let me think.... uh, no!"

Her face fell. Drake turned to me.

"Aussie, will you do me the honor of going to Prom with me?" he asked.

I smiled. For some reason, I'd never been able to turn Drake down. We had been out a few times, just the two of us, but it wasn't a date or anything. And I had to remind myself that he was just being a good friend, asking me.

"Fine." I caved.

Harley gave me a look that said I'd have to explain that later.

Drake smiled too and hugged me. I sighed, and breathed  in his scent.

My story may not be as interesting or exciting as all yours, but dammit, at least i'm funny. No offense. But, if you wish to live wisely, ignore stories such as this one.

there ya go! I've had this little humor idea for a while. If you havent' noticed, humor is my thing. I'm awesome at it. And that 'shut the front door' thing is something me and my friends say to each other. :)

Tell me what you think.

Comment

Vote

Fan

etc.

You know ya wanna ;)

And the lyrics to Jesse's Girl were all from memory! :) give me some credit!