COLORLESS LIES

CHAPTER ONE

Every year when you turn eighteen you meet your soulmate. Some meet theirs later in life, some don't. I'm one of them. I have given up hope. My sister had hers, she'd always tell me how amazing it feels. She'd always tell me about what colors everything is. There are many days when she'd always judge what I wear due to the fact that I can't see them. All I see is Gray, nothing else. My mother always told me stories of what it feels like to meet your soulmate. She'd always say that it's the best thing that's ever happened to her when she met dad. Until last summer when my dad passed away. He died in an accident, he didn't make it to the hospital when they tried to revive his heart. My mother told me that she felt his pain, that her vision blurred when she tried to adjust from colors, to seeing none at all.
       My mother was once a happy and cheerful person. She'd always manage to put a smile to our faces whenever we were upset, only this time it's the other way around. Every Tuesdays and Sundays my mother would be at therapy. When she's not in therapy she'd be in her room, no light, the curtains would be blocking the sun.. Her eyes barely held any emotions anymore . Her body was frale, she was mostly bone. Her cheeks were hollow.

      "Mom?" I knocked softly with the back of my knuckles on her door.
     No reply.
     "Mom, I made your favorite." I opened her door slightly. 
     My mother lets out a groan when the sunlight hits her eyes, as if she were some type of vampire.
        I placed the tray on her nightstand that was next to her bed. I could barely see my mother as she was hidden underneath her duvet. Pillows were scattered everywhere, along with dirty tissues. It smelled as if she hadn't showered in days.
       "Ma, c'mon you gotta see Dr. West." I roughly grabbed the corners of the blankets and yanked them off of her body.
     "Get out!" She screamed, placing her hands over her eyes.
      I tried my best to be patient with her, but it's so hard for me sometimes.
      "Do you want me to call Sofia again?" I crossed my arms over my chest as I tapped my foot on the wooden floor.
       "Go ahead, I don't care anymore." Her voice was weak, it hurt me to see my mother in such a state.
    I sat down on the side of the bed as I placed my hands in my lap. I twiddle with my fingers as I bit my bottom lip.
     "You haven't left yet." I don't respond, knowing this annoyed my mother.
      "Bailey." Again I don't answer. 
       "If this is another trick-" I couldn't help but crack a small smirk.
        "What trick?" I sweetly asked, turning to my mother with a pout.
       "That trick!" She exclaimed, her hands raising in the air as she was now sat up against the headboard.
        "I don't know what you're talking about." I sighed getting up, the floors creaking slightly as I was about to leave the room.
       "Wait!" I stopped dead in my tracks.
        "Yes?" She rolled her eyes as she looked over at the tray of food.
          "Did you really make me my favorite pancakes? With blueberries?" I hummed in response.

        Daughter: 12
        Mother: 0

         "Maybe we could do some shopping after your appointment." I sniffed my mother's sweater to see if it's wearable.
            "Or, maybe I should do laundry." I cringed as it smelt like death, or what death would smell like.
              It was a nice sweater, hopefully with my poor taste in colors I'd be able to figure out what matches together.
              "That sweater is blue." The room grows silent.
                 "You remember what color the sweater is?" I asked, lowering the sweater down.
               She smiled softly. The first chuckle I've heard in almost two years.
               "It was his favorite." I smiled sadly, as I rubbed on the wool fabric.
                 "Mhm." I hummed in response as I placed the sweater gently on the edge of the bed.
                  "I wish I had a soulmate." I stared at myself in the mirror on hee dresser.
                    "You'll meet him soon." I let out a laugh, shaking my head as I squeezed the edge of the dresser.
                    "How can I if I'm past eighteen? I'm twenty four with no soulmate, Sofia already had hers for almost eight years. They already have three children, you had dad. Kelly has one, so does Jason. I just- when will it be my turn?" I couldn't help myself, I just needed to get it off my chest.
      "I'm sorry." I stopped, quickly realizing how touchy this subject was to her.
       "No, you have every right to be upset." I shake my head.
        "I'm selfish, I just- you and dad, and then me talking about me never having a soulmate when you just lost yours not even two years ago." I was shocked at how much I've babbled, how much I've been yearning for the feeling of having someone else loving me.
          "You're not being selfish. I hadn't met your father at eighteen." I quickly turned to my mother. My vision slightly blurred as I looked at her.
             "I have to- I have to go." My mother called out for me as I left the room.
            I grab my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. I quickly looked for Sophia's number as my fingers shook.
            "Sof, I need you to come take care of mom. I was called into work early because Val's daughter got sick with the flu." I lied.
               "Oh, okay. Um, give me twenty minutes." I hated how I had to have Sofia be the one to take care of mom.
               Though every day I'd be here, I lived two blocks away from my mother. I still had my childhood room for nights that I would take care of. Sofia would have her on weekends, since I would need a break from being with her for four days out of the week. Sometimes the nurses would come in and help but I just needed to be alone for a while.
    
   
    The sound of the front door opened as I rushed off the couch in the living room.
     "Thanks for coming, um mom is still upstairs. I have her outfit ready but I doubt she even got herself dressed." I said. Rubbing my sweaty palms against my jeans as I let out a nervous sigh.
      "You deserve breaks too Bailey." My sister gives me a warming smile as she starts to push me out the door.
      "I got it from here Bay, now go." I went to speak but she already had me out the door.
       "Okay." I let out a sigh of relief.
        I could still see inside the house. The front door had an oval shaped window but it blurred the inside. My mother had a nice front yard, as she'd always have landscapers come every year during the spring to make it full of life. She'd only have those who could see color, those with soulmates so they'd see her visions on how she'd like her garden. Except this year it was dull. No life, the grass crunched beneath my feet knowing that it was dead and there was no lifr left in the grass. The flowers were all dead as well, just because I can't see color doesn't mean I can't tell when a plant has also died.
      It was chilly out today. It was nearing Thanksgiving. I would always see my friends posting them at pumpkin patches with their soulmates who also have children with them. They always looked happy, my thumb would always hover the like button, only for me to never like their photos. I could never admit it, I'm jealous. I would always deny it, no matter how many blind dates Val had hooked me up with. They weren't the right guy. No matter how hard I try to force myself to accept the fact I'll never find my soulmate.