Weird dream

"Y"

I felt useless, dumb, pathetic. As if something I had long ago had just vanished without a warning. Realizing only at fault of a slight flashing memory crossing unwillingly through your mind, that maybe you had better deftness in anything that you may have done in such past, that your progress it's just going backwards.

"How was I able to do such things?"

"Why I am unable to do it now?"

"What did change?"

"What's wrong?"

"Why is it not working?"

The endless loop of questions flooding your mind, each one of them feeling more desperate and consuming than the former. As if the thing that was leading you, that small part that gave the ordes, the instructions to your success, that glory and satisfaction you always had without having to strive for, had disappeared, evaporated, leaving you as a mindless doll stumbling around, just with the vague feeling of past success engraved on your flimsy bones. Craving to be fulfilled once again. But how can a being that has never moved for something they wanted now start running. You will just end up feeding your unsatisfied ego with the thought of the success you'll surely have when you try. But your just lying to yourself, and after all this mindless years you have perfected such art. How foolish.

You finally tried and it did not end up as your egocentric mind told you it would. You didn't achieve the success you where so desperate for. Who will you blame now? What excuse will be used to make your fragile ego not crumble? Maybe you just where a bit cold, or you did not try hard enough. Yeah that's surely it. Why would you put your all in something you don't even have that much enthusiasm for? How pityful, your just scared, terrified by the thought of  defeat. Failure would completely consume that false persona you have of yourself and you know that you won't be able to handle that, you don't want to handle that.

All of I sudden I seem him, a person I feel I met before. He seems like a star far away, observing me from the distance, only the thought of it it's comforting, and looking in his eyes makes me feel warm and calm. He hugs me, and my body can't help but hug him back, wanting him closer. I can feel his arms sliding around my waist, his body against mine. My mind that was filled with cotton feels light, my body feels comfortable for the first time in ages. I burrow my head into his chest trying to completely melt into his hug, a fresh and nostalgic smell occupies my nose, and it makes me remember where I have met him before. Long ago in a dream, when my body was still the one of a young child, and my mind filled with wonders and doubts, he apperead during my sleep in my oblivious mind, with the aspect of someone close my age at that time. He had grown so much. And all of a sudden it just crosses my mind, I'm dreaming again, I look up at him, not ever leaving his arms, and before I could even exhale my thoughts he smiles softly, a smile I have never seen directed at me, I start feeling the weight of my blanket and the fan hitting my skin with fresh air, and I'm certain at that moment, I woke up, my arms hugging my duvet tightly, the only memory of his a soft smile in a face I'm not able to remember without a blur, and his soft white hair falling over his cheek when smiling.

Such a nice dream.