Exile

Chapter 2

Dean didn't know how long he stood motionless in the field waiting for Castiel to come back. He had to come back. He wouldn't leave Dean like this, would he?

But as the light started to fade and the discarded equipment was left discarded, Dean felt the cold spot in his chest deepen like it was taking up permanent residence.

He shouldn't be so surprised, but he was. Burning with shame, Dean realised that he expected Cas to take whatever Dean dished out again and again and still come back for more.

Just like he always had.

Oh well, that's great, because, without your powers, you're basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.

Nobody cares if you're broken Cas.

You can't stay.

But I swear if he did something to her, if she is... Then you're dead to me.

Why is that something always seem to be you?

Dean shook himself from his downhill spiral to berate himself. He turned up here in the town where Cas had made his home without even giving him a heads up and started laying into him.

Again.

He was surprised Cas didn't lay one on him. He would have deserved it.

I loved you.............

Dean's knees nearly crumple as he made his way over to the equipment and filled three bags with bats, helmets and gloves. He can't think of that now, not here.

He leaned the bags up next to the bleachers, and gave one more search across the field to where Cas had disappeared to before he turned and crossed the field towards his car, head bent low.

On the other side of the park, hidden in the trees, Castiel watched him until he was out of sight.

Dean made it back to his car without bumping into any of the nosy townspeople. He did an illegal u-turn right there on Main Street and took off back the way he came.

He lasted ten minutes past the town limits when he had to pull in, tyres skidding on the asphalt as his vision blurred, his chest heaving and the cold spot throbbing a staccato in his chest.

The words Castiel screamed at him in a voice broken and hoarse echoed over and over in his mind, "I loved you. I loved you. I loved you. I loved y.........."

Dean bit down on his knuckles, as he tried to control the tsunami that wanted to overwhelm him.

He could have had it all.

The feelings he buried. The deals he made with himself that as soon as they were safe, he would say something. The retirement that was always just out of reach, remembering the words he spoke so hopefully to Sam, "You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously" it was his for the taking, because Cas just told him he felt the same way.

Just something else Dean Winchester threw back in his best friend's face. Jesus, he had a cheek calling himself anybody's best friend but especially Cas. He had done nothing to deserve it. All he had done was use the man as a punching bag, anytime it got tough.

Dean lost his battle with gravity and the tsunami and curled up foetal style on the front seat and allowed the dam to break.

When Dean returned to the bunker, the only person there to greet him was Eileen. She was curled up in one of the armchairs reading, a blanket across her lap and a beer on the table beside her. Dean pressed the switch at the top of the bunker stairs that caused the lights to flash twice, to give her a heads up whenever himself or Sam came home.