Hearts At Sea

Chapter 2: Two Months Ago

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile

("Back To December")

- - -

My parents forced us on a family hike today, insisting it would be good to "enjoy the fresh air and give your screen-addicted brains some nature to admire." I honestly think they forgot we live in California because, for an April morning, it's way too hot. Fifteen minutes of walking and my shirt is already drenched. Damn you, climate change! I think as I trudge up a particularly rocky section of the trail.

"Pick up the pace, slowpoke!" my brother calls to me from far ahead. The heat is affecting me much more than I thought it would, so I've had to slow my pace significantly and keep stopping for water breaks.

"Tell Mother Nature to cool the fuck down!" I holler back.

"Language," Mom warns, pausing so I can catch up to her. "Honey, you've lived here your whole life. I'm still not sure why your body hasn't acclimated to the weather in seventeen years." I reply with a hell if I know look.

We trudge up the steep pathway together, our heaving breaths being the only sound we make. Until my mom brings up the topic I've been avoiding for the past year and a half. "Sweetie, do you miss Carter?"

Right after he moved, everyone would ask me that exact question or some variation of it and I would break down. I learned very quickly that if I acted like I was perfectly fine and thriving, they wouldn't inquire and I could keep my sob sessions contained. But it seems my mom never learned.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I respond, watching very carefully for the early signs of tears so I can shut them down before they begin. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Lie.

I snort. "Uh-huh, sure."

She picks up her pace. "Seriously. It just popped into my mind." Lie again.

"You're a bad liar," I inform her.

She sighs heavily, lurching to a stop. "Fine, fine. You've caught me." A pause. "We'regoingonacruisewiththem," she blurts, the words jumbling into one.

"Huh? It seems you're also bad at speaking. Can you try it in sign language, please?" I joke.

She begins finger-spelling: W-E A-R-E G-O...

"I was kidding," I stopped her. I regret teaching her the ASL alphabet after the month-long sign language class I took two summers ago. This is going to take forever. "Just say it slower."

"For your birthdays, we're going on a cruise with the Davidson family," she admits.

"WHAT?!?"

Like a movie, birds screech and flee from the trees above. Sean comes sprinting back towards us with Dad on his heels. "Are you okay?" he pants.

I ignore him. "You're kidding."

"No..." she replies cautiously. "Is that okay?"

I realize my face isn't giving away anything until it twists into the biggest smile ever. "It's so much better than okay!" I squeal. "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Yes!"

"I know you're excited, Sasha, but please watch your words," Mom warns again. I ignore her and grab Sean, leading him in a happy dance around the trees. He laughs and plays along. I wish June wasn't two months away because I am so, so, so excited!

Finally, after almost two years, I was going to see my best friend again.