Love Within a Storm

Chapter 4

"Dangerous motherfucker raises hell
And if I ever get caught I make bail
See, I don't give a fuck, that's the problem
I see a motherfuckin cop I don't dodge him."- Eazy E

Long story short, I fucking love cocaine. It's my drug of choice.

How does one get to the point of addiction?

Once upon a time I was a girl who swore I would never do drugs of any kind or end up like my mother who had been snorting white lines off our coffee table for as long as I can remember.

The stories of how one gets to the point of addiction always start out small and innocent.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was ten. Behind the elementary with Rick and Kristen; coughing up a lung. We all thought we were so cool, smoking in the fifth grade. Kristen stole the pack of cigarettes from Landon, who went to the Junior High at the time. I think I coughed so hard I almost puked, going red in the face, eyes watering.

Tyler almost murdered Landon when we all came home from school that day, reeking of cigarette smoke and yellow fingers.

When I was twelve, the guys introduced me to weed. I remember my first time. Landon, Rick, Shane, and Michelle were there. I didn't cough as I was inhaling. It amazed me to see the smoke coming out of my mouth. My mind was moving slow, yet my heart was thumping fast. I was mellowed out, and everything seemed funnier than it was.

Now, I've done so many drugs that weed barely does anything for me now.

I was thirteen when I was introduced to shrooms. My body tingled. The ground seemed to ripple and shimmer. It was like I was in a dream, and when I looked in a mirror, there were vibrant blue and orange colours dripping out of my face.

After shrooms, Michelle introduced me to valium, cough syrup and paint thinner. Not the best time in the world, but it got me a high and at that point it was all I cared about. I'd never known how to cope with the pain and struggle I was dealt so when I discovered there were ways of numbing myself, I went all in.

When I was fourteen, I was introduced to Ecstasy, the love drug. After swallowing it, I professed my love for Seth, and proceeded to have sex with him. If it's one thing I'll tell you about ecstasy, its one hell of a drug to have sex on.

I dropped acid at a party. All of a sudden, it felt like there was a storm inside of me. I was sweating on the inside, yet I was shivering on the outside. When I looked at Rick, swirls of different colours started coming out of the corner of my eye. That went on for a whole twelve hours! The trips never went away, that was the bad thing. Even years later, I would still freeze and shake as things moved around in front of my eyes because of the flashbacks. I would have that for life.

I did K a couple months later. The superman drug. That is one drug I will never do again. K numbs your whole body and you can't feel pain. You can injure yourself real bad. When Mark was on it, he hit his head on the ground so many times, he got a concussion. He didn't even feel the blood pouring out of the side of his head when we took him to emergency to get stitches.

After that, I tried cocaine when I turned fifteen. My body temperature was rising. I needed to take off my shirt. I did, and was only in my hot pink bra. My heart started racing, and thumped harder and harder. I thought it would burst out of my chest. I was flying, soaring, like a rocket ship. It was great. It was like snorting an energy drink.

Until I started to come down. I tried to tell Rick that I needed help, but all I could do was laugh at my slurred words. I didn't even know if it was actually Rick I was talking to. The room was suddenly spinning and I felt sick to my stomach. It hurt so badly, and I didn't know why. Beneath my skirt, my pale knees were shaking. Was it me, or was everyone looking at me funny? Was the wall talking to me? Were the people here disguised as cops? I could make out Rick and Mark's laughter from the group. Why were they laughing at me? That was my last thought before I was out, cold.