Listen Asher, take as long as you need to get yourself back together, skive off all of this for a few weeks, months if necessary, but just take care of yourself from here and now. Please. We've all seen your mental breakdowns and your announcements worry us all, nobody is leaving you, and those who have, missed out. You are a great, funny, and an enjoyable person to be around, if you don't take care of yourself then there's a chance we may lose the old you, and for context; we love you for all you are, we all do. We love when you're at your best and your worst, we love you for you, and nothing can change that, I promise.
I-no, WE'RE sorry that Wattpad has ruined your well being, and for all of those who have hurt you even once, I will hold a grudge for you. Because nobody deserves to go through that, it's terrible isn't it? As for those 'thoughts' of yours, why, don't think like that Ash...I'm sure that you're going through tough times right now and those intrusive thoughts are just so enticing right now I know! I know it feels like an escape, but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road. It hurts even more, I'd much rather you take a break until you get it all of your system even if it takes fucking months but just killing yourself and all these 'kms' announcements are just not the way! There are many other ways to help yourself and get out of your dark place mentally, set timers for every hour to give yourself a compliment and every more ing when you wake up, tell yourself that you're proud for waking up, that you had the strength to get out there and post even with all your bullshit going on. And if someone tells you anything rude, just shrug it off, they now mean nothing to you and if you're feeling like it, stab them back, give them a matching wound but now you KNOW that yours will heal faster and better while whoever hurt you now has a terrible memory of themself being a jerk to such a precious being like you.
If you have the privilege to go outside, then do it, go outside and take a deep breath, get some air in there, it'll help you calm down and maybe, just maybe, relieve a nerve of yours or any sort of anxiety that you may have at the moment. You are a human being, you can walk, you can talk, you can breath air, those are all very special privileges that anybody would want, many people lost those privileges because of what people told them, because of what they thought of themselves, they let their pain steer them into the wrong direction instead of leading them into a safer one, one that's less rocky, where there's a chance that you can change and get rid of your pain a much more safer way.
Now, here's what I want you to do;
You mentioned that Wattpad has ruined you, it happens to the best of us, now just get off from it for a while, take taht break that you want and deserve.
Cope somehow, watch your favorite movie, spend time with your loved ones, or if you have a pet then care for them. Anything, your goal when coping is to make yourself feel at least a little better, you may have a lot of weight on your back right now, but if that minor way of coping takes at least a kilogram off of that ton, then you know that it helps, and it's worth living for.
Write love letters to yourself, compliments, silly reminders, and the most important one is hope reassurance. Think of them as little reminders, and set a time for when you want them to come in, or just read them in your own time.
Here are my compliments to you:
I love your dedication
The way you post regularly and never keep us waiting
I love your humor
Your jokes may be somewhat rude in your eyes, but in mine they always bring a certain sneaky little smirk to my lips
I love your confidence
Even if you feel as if you' re nervous all the time or have too much anxiety to share with us, don't play dumb with us now! You shared problems in your life with us, thanks for trusting us
From what I've seen and read, your condition is very severe, so go ahead hun, take as long as you need, but just come back better for us m'kay? I know that jumping off a roof may seem like the quickest way out of a building, but I believe that you are stronger than most of us here, and you can surely go through that entrance door.
Have a good night/day wherever you are Asher, and I and many others will always be here for you <3
-Nick
