Act of love

Chapter Four

Anfisa:
A loud noise enters my ears, so loud it hurts.
"What was that?" My voice is slightly panicked. It almost sounded like a grenade, or maybe gunshots. The sound echoes for a long time. Again the sound destroys my ears, followed by panicked screams of people. Being the curious human I am, I check around the corner.
My body becomes ice cold, I'm unable to move. A tall muscular man in fully black clothes is holding a gun. My eyes switch from the gun and his eyes, they're dark brown with the angriest expression ever.
He points the gun right between my eyebrows. My heart starts beating like it wants out.
"P-please." I stammer. Hundreds of eyes are staring my way. It all goes too fast to even realize what's happening. I shake my head gently, I don't want to die. Dalton's hands meet my arm as he pushes me hard, falling onto the ground. The gun moves from my body to his. .
"No!" I yell, but it's useless. My vision is filled with blood, his blood. The guy keeps firing shots until Dalton is no longer moving. Blood gushes out from his legs, but nothing in his chest, he can be saved.
"Help!" I scream at the top of my lungs, my voice completely shattered. It all hits me at the moment. My heart breaks down into many pieces as I run toward him.
Many people are kneeling next to him already.
"You fucking bitch!" I scream to the man running away with the gun pressed in his back pocket.
Doctors run out of the hospital on the corner of the street. For a moment it feels like everything goes in slow motion. This can't be real, please don't let it be real. I tightly squeeze my eyes shut, and re-open them when I'm ready. Nothing's changed, he's still on the floor. . "Baby..." He gave his life for me...Tears stream down my face like waterfalls.
My hand goes to his chest to feel if I can find a heartbeat when suddenly he grips my hand tightly. Shaking like hell. He is awake... Thank God he is awake.
"Make way!" A group of people dressed in doctor uniforms screams. Everyone does, everyone except me. I will never leave him, just like he never did with me.
"Ma'am please make way so we can treat this man."
"He's my boyfriend." I reply with a shaken voice. An unknown woman grabs me by my arms and helps me to sit down on the nearest bench.
All I do is stare at the love of my life bleeding out on the floor in front of me.
"Ma'am we will do everything we can, my name is Isabella are you hurt?" My eyes don't leave Dalton's for a second.
The touch of Isabella rips me out of my thoughts.
"Help him!" I yell to her at the top of my lungs.
"They are, look at me, ma'am." I finally allow my eyes to make the journey to hers. Salted tears all over my face.
"Are you hurt?" I shake my head looking down at the ground.
"Can you tell me some personal information about your boyfriend?"
"24..." My voice stammers. "Name Dalton Blanks doesn't have allergies or a medical history."
"Thank you, you are really brave ma'am." Isabella runs over to Dalton laying on the ground and talks to one of the doctors helping him.

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"Dalton Blanks, male, 24, multiple shot wounds to his abdominal and legs. Passed out on the way to the hospital!" The voice of the stressed doctor speaks. As fast as they can, they rush him into one of the emergency rooms. As I try to get in the room with him, to be with him Isabella grabs my arm and tells me to wait outside the room.
Staring through the large windows. I watch as they cut his shirt open, and his jeans off. The jeans I got him for his birthday recently. The shirt I asked him to wear tonight because I love it so much. Destroyed on the floor.
Many nurses keep pressure on his bleeding wounds, as the doctor tries to stabilize Dalton. The pain becomes too much. With my back against the wall, I fall to the floor. My head resting in my hands, crying harder than ever before.
For hours I sit here, hours, upon hours. Swearwords come from the room as the sliding door slowly opens.
The doctor walks out with a disappointed look on his face and stops as he sees me sitting on the floor. His eyes slowly meet mine, my red puffy eyes. I know what the next words are going to be.
"Ma'am." Hundreds of thoughts flash through my mind. "We tried everything we could, but your boyfriend is brain dead, he will most likely never wake up anymore." Just like that the whole world collapsed from underneath my feet.
How can the best night of my life end up being the worst I've ever had? No more tears stream down my face, it's just numbness. The reality doesn't hit me yet. He will never come back, he will never hold me again, he will never tell me he loves me again. A singular tear rolls down my face.
"Can I see him?" I ask with a raspy voice. He gives me a slow nod as he keeps the door open for me.
There he lays, on the bed, a blanket half pulled over his half-naked body. He is breathing but barely. My hand touches his slowly.
"You can't be dead." I pause. "You can't just leave me like that! We had marriage plans! How can you leave me!" Anger rushes through my veins, deep rage. I sigh quietly, trying to calm down. "How can you do this to me?" I repeat a million times. Not just to him, but also the brown-masked guy, how can he destroy someone just in a split second? "I would give my life for you too." Gently I give him a soft kiss on his forehead. He's not even cold, how can someone be dead while they're not even cold?
I drop my head against his chest, and slowly the tears start to come.
I hear very soft footsteps approaching from behind.
"Ma'am?" A hand touches my arm softly. The bright hospital lights meet my eyes, and it hurts. How long have I been asleep on his chest?
"We would like to talk with you about organ donation, but first..." She fumbles into her pocket while looking at her co-worker with a smile.
"We found this in your boyfriend's pocket, well fiancé's pocket." She hands me a small box. Inside is a shiny ring, it's beautiful. Just like I imagined my wedding ring to be.
"That's not your boyfriend ma'am, that's your fiancé." The other person says. This thought should make me happier, but nothing can make me happy right now. Not even the engagement of my boyfriend and me, he didn't even actually propose.
I pull the ring out of the box and slide it on my finger, it fits perfectly.
"I'll never have the wedding we dreamed of, but at least we are engaged as you wanted." I whisper in his ear.
"I'm Miss Dwyer and this is doctor Wickens." She says to break the silence after a while. Slowly I lift my heavy head up from the bed facing them both. "We would like to discuss organ donation whenever you're ready. There is currently a young man in need of a new heart, and your fiancé has a perfectly healthy heart. The same goes for his lungs and liver." The thought makes me raging mad. His heart inside of another man's body?!
"Absolutely not!" I yell at the top of my lungs, gripping his hand tight and protectively.
"That's fine ma'am, we understand your decision." Doctor Wickens said while pulling miss Dwyer out of the room.
After my small breakdown, she clearly wanted to try to convince me to do it. But nothing can convince me.
This heart is from Dalton, the heart I've loved for 3 years, the heart I was going to marry. A heavy feeling sinks into my body.
The two people who were just in my room go to the room right across mine. Also with a large glass window. There the parents sit next to a bed, in the bed is laying a young man. Maybe that's the guy they were talking about. Curiously I keep my eyes on them.
The male doctor lets a silence hit. I wipe my teary hands down on my jeans. After a while of talking, I see both parents break down into tears. It suddenly hits me. That is the guy who needs a new heart.
His eyes slowly meet mine, I can't seem to look away. He doesn't give me a deadly glance, not nice either, neutral. Like he couldn't care less if he got the heart yes or no. I drop my hands back into my hands, sobbing out loud.
I can't just take someone else's chance of a normal life away, just because my life isn't normal anymore. After a while of thinking, I grow the courage to get up.
With my head facing the floor I slide to his room. A soft knock lets them know I want in. His eyes grow more curious as I stand in the middle of the room. His parents sobbing on the edge of his bed. Knowing, if he didn't get one of the organs he won't survive.
"Is this the guy who needs one of Dalton's organs?" I ask stammering, not looking up to anyone.
"Yes ma'am, he needs his heart." A long moment of silence follows.
"Take it.' I lean forward on his bed and slowly exhale, finally letting our eyes meet again. "I'm doing this as an act of love. This is something Dalton would've wanted." He lets out a rush of air.
Two arms hug me tight, so tight I can barely breathe.
"Thank you so much! You saved our son... I don't know how to thank you." She whispers loudly into my ear. Her comment makes me feel like a hero, which I'm totally not.
"I didn't do anything." I reply.
After a while, she lets go of me, and her son is the next person she hugs. An endless loving hug. There are parents out there who actually love their children. Sadly mine weren't like that, they would rather watch me die in front of their eyes.
Before the guy dying on the bed can even say 'thank you' I leave the room. This was the right time to leave.
The smile gets immediately washed off my face as soon as I see Dalton's body getting transported.
After signing the necessary paperwork I leave the hospital, on my own. Knowing the love of my life, my fiancé is never coming back to me.
I pick out the calmest spot in the city and take my journal out of the bag Dalton was carrying with him.

Wednesday 13 October 2021
Dear God,
How do I even start this... How excited I was tonight to go home and just write to you, thanking you for all the things you gave me tonight. All the happiness, the love, the joy.
Now I'm sitting here, by myself, a heavy ring on my finger, on a bench, who knows where I am. I could make it short or I could make it long. Dalton is dead, but at the same time, I am engaged. How should I feel? I don't know God you tell me, you put me through this.
Tonight we talked about marriage, kids, about our bad past. It all felt so safe with him, and hours later I was sitting against the hospital door, waiting for someone to come out and tell me good or bad news. Well, God, it was bad news, the worst news of my life.
God, I should be planning our wedding right now, not thinking about the costs of his funeral
I just want to disappear through the floor and be with him.
I want to die, without him, life isn't fun, and I have no one.

While sobbing I close the book and stare up at the sky. The moon is bright and full, I wish I could see it up close, just like Dalton can.