The Sense of Nothing

Lucy *POV*

LUCY

I buried my face between my elbows and drifted off into my usual dreary state of mind. Muffling Mr, Rivers voice as he droned on about pointless math equations. It was lunch next and I guess support group as well . Suddenly a hand shook me and I popped up like a Jack n' the box. "huh?" I said looking around the classroom realizing that everyone had already left. " Come one Lucy, it's time for you to go . I have a note saying you're supposed to report to the counselor's office. Grab your stuff and I'll write you a pass. " Mr.Rivers said. The counselors office was small with a big round table that was surrounded by a bunch of black office chairs. There was about five kids there and I didn't recognize any of them. I took a seat next to the counselors chair. As I looked around at the distance I had put between me and the rest of the kids. I stared at their blankly drawn on faces. Their eyes were so lifeless. They were like empty black tunnels and here everyone was trying to reach some little bit of light they believed was at the end. But how much shittier it would be for them to discover that there wasn't anything? Probably a lot shittier than the crap that landed them here. " So, we have a new group member today." The counselor announced to the group. I ducked my head even lower than usual and prayed that no one would pretend to give a fuck. Silence stretched across the room and it made me want to laugh. Then all of sudden the door to the room flew open and another kid stumbled in causing a scene. He flinched as the door hit the wall with a bang. " Ooh! Damn! Yeah, that might leave a dent.Sorry" He shrugged. His face was cute but had goofy child like tendencies. " Please take a seat." The counselor sighed, exasperated. This kid must be one of her regulars. " Right. Yes Ma'm" "he said tripping over his own shoe lace and uncourtly landed in his chair. More giggles erupted through the room. I shoved my fist in my mouth suppressing the laughter pushing up from my stomach. "Eh hem!" The counselor cleared her throat catching everyone's attention. " Well Ezra, thank you for your lovely entrance. Would you like to go first?" she asked. His childlike face smiled bitingly and he flipped his dark brown hair aside . " Sure why not? um....hmmm. Where should I began?" He asked tapping his chin looking up at the ceiling annoyed. " Oh, well I'm sure you'll find it interesting to know, especially margo over there," he said pointing to a brunette with a pudgy face. She choked on laughter and buried her head into her elbow. " I talked to my father last night." he said. The counselor shot up and was more alert than what I had observed the whole time I had been sitting next her. Her eyes grew wide with surprise and she smiled encouragingly. "That's wonderful Ezra!" She said clapping as she exposed her bugs bunny buck teeth and aged forehead wrinkles. " How did that come about?" She asked. "well um, I was in the bathroom alone sawing away at my wrists and I guess he needed to take a leak because he kept knocking on the door asking me what the hell I was doing in there. I opened the door and he asked me if I was done yet. I told him I would rather die than live with him any long. Oh and then I left and layed in my driveway contemplating the never ending cycle of what is called " my life" and then yeah.." The counselor just kept stuttering and I just stared at him. I didn't understand it. Why would he do that? It made no sense to me. I guess I happened to say that outloud. because he looked up at me and said," Well, what are you here for princess?" Everyone's eyes zoomed in on me with curiosity prying out of their irises. I kept my eyes locked on his. " Um I'm here because.." I hesitated and the words sat there, stuck in the middle of my throat. I should be able to say this like telling someone my name. I was capable of going the drugs and even occasionally making them that it just seemed easy enough for them to roll off my tongue. But it was something about the way he stared at me that made me nervous in a sense I had never been in before. He made me feel awkward but not in a creepy way. A way that made me unsure of what he might think and I didn't want him to think I was bad. " I'm here for doing drugs, basically." I said. He nodded showing the information was confirmed through his coherent thoughts. "Well, why do you do drugs?" He asked. It was funny. I laughed and everyone including him looked really confused at this point. I guess I had never actually thought about it and so the realization that somewhere in me there must be some reason I'm doing this was just a little amusing. I didn't want to seem psychedelic or crazy so I coughed up the rest of my laughter and tried to answer him straight forward. " I do drugs because regardless of the fact it that kills my brain cells, the purest moments of ecstasy that your brain happens to extract from it are the most alive memories I have gathered in the past." I said. our eyes were locked and my heart leaped with the joy of triumphant because Ezra couldn't comprehend what I said into something witty or insightful. He was stuck. "Well Fuck me." He said gaping at me in amazement. "Ezra! Language!" The counselor scolded him. The whole room burst into to laughter as ezra sat up straight and his face turned red with embarrassment. " Ma'm excuse my language and I most kindly apologize for my disruptance, but would someone please tell me that some how it's scientifically possible to duplicate her mind into an actual person that I could become best friend with. I beg you!" He yelled thrusting his hands up to the ceiling spiritually. Everyone continued to laugh and I shook my head with a mix of humor and disbelief. The rest of the time everyone continued to share. The pudgy brunette was apparently here for attempting to kill herself by swallowing bleach.Her name was Deborah ( that name though.) A kid across from me who disturbingly had a face that resembled a skeleton named Derek, was here for suicide attempt as well which was done under the influence of LSD. Most had come back from some sort of mental institute and were forced to come here to make sure they adjust okay while coming back in this shit hole enviroment. There was also a kid who tried to hang themselves and then another who tried to drown, and then another who overdosed on tylenol. We might as well make a sign labeled Suicide Room and hang on the front door. I couldn't even begin to comprehend why on earth any of them would try and die. Then I thought about Ezra and why he cut? There must be a difference between trying to die and cutting yourself. Did he ever try to kill himself to? Or did he cut for the same reason I do drugs? To just get rid of it all for a little while. Soon the bell rang and the counselor dismissed us ald and I got up slowly trying to time it just right to I could walk out with Ezra and try and talk to him. But the counselor stopped him and told me to leave saying they needed to talk in private. I over heard Deborah talking to Derek ." Well, Ezra sure fucked himself over good today." She commented. Derek shrug obviously day dreaming about some thing else. "What do you mean?" I asked. She looked up apparently she didn't know I was there. " Oh. Well Ezra told her he was cutting last night. She has to report that to his parents. It's against the law not to." She explained. "Well that's bull shit." I said. I mean obviously the parents weren't doing a good job if he was doing that to himself in the first place. What good would telling them do? Deborah nodded her head in agreement and Derek shrugged again. I heard the door from behind me open and I turned to see Ezra walk out. Deborah and Derek took an awkward exit down the hall and Ezra looked up and smiled at me. "Hello princess. " He said. I gave him a feeble smile back. "Hmmm...Well come on then. Follow me." He said. He began to walk briskly down the hall. Once I realized he had just invited me with him I scurried up next to him and fell into step.