So High: Tronnor

o n e

Troye's POV

"No one loves you" "All you are is a faggot!" "Worthless" "Anorexic Freak"
"STOP IT!" I yelled into the air, then I realized no ones there, I just yelled to myself
*knock knock* "Honey is everything ok?" My mom, Laurelle said with a concerned voice.
"Yeah I'm fine, just a bad dream that's all" Lie. All of this that I've been playing for months, has been one big fat lie. I'm quite the actor aren't I? Ever since school started about 2 weeks ago, my confidence level has been dropping, just like my GPA.
"Well you should definitely get some sleep, you have school in the morning" Mum said.
"Don't remind me again" I muttered to myself.

I'm Troye Sivan, I stay up late on tumblr with a jar of Nutella and a spoon on a school night, not this year, I'm a junior in high school now, I've gotten used to the fact that high school wasn't going to be easy, freshman year was just a warm up, this is reality, staring at the ceiling nowadays, it seems so normal to me now, those ugly voices hissing at me, I've gotten used to this torture or whatever this was, but no one was causing this, as crazy as it sounds it was my mind that was causing it, a war against myself, not even with all the strength I had could defeat this. Weak, Faggot, Anorexic, Ugly, It
Those words on reply every single day, I can't even look in the mirror, that's how low my confidence is, and God the tears growing in my eyes only making me cry a river, I didn't want anyone to help me or get involved in this mess, even though I am the weakest of them all, I wanted to handle this alone l, instead of talking to someone about my problems, I'm worried that in going I lash my anger out on someone innocent, or something and accidentally break something, I would and rather do it on myself, and that's what I did and been doing for the bast year, no I didn't find it beautiful or something people would call it as "battle scars" it was a wake up call or reminder of how disgusting and weak I've become
I tried to get away from this pain and torture, again on my own which would only cause more damage,
From scars to alcohol
From alcohol to drugs
I was hooked on a high that only lasted a short period of time, which is not what I needed
I was obsessed with the concept and feeling of being happy or in another dimension, or seeing things that wasn't actually there, call me crazy but that's what I want to do and what I will do, I actually found my happiness
Besides from this situation, singing is my other way to get my emotions out, I really should it use more often but I rather have that small piece of metal, but I actually wrote a song, it had this slow and clam rhythm, it goes a little like this

Oh, glazed eyes, empty hearts
Buying happy from shopping carts
Nothing but time to kill
Sipping life from bottles
Tight skin, bodyguards
Gucci down the boulevard
Cocaine, dollar bills
And
My happy little pill
Take me away, dry my eyes
Bring color to my skies

Exactly what I needed, my happy little pill, no I'm not talking about the drugs and cocaine that I've tried, those are getting old, I'm talking about a lover that would take me away, dry my eyes, bring some color into my black and white world, because I couldn't even see the beauty of the world anymore, I just haven't found the right one.

Yet.....