[SERENADE OF STRATEGIES] - nishinosa oneshots book

How do I hug my boyfriend?

Nosaka used to think of soccer as a trivial game which he could easily turn into a weapon to achieve the narcissistic goal of changing the world into a perfect one with his bare hands, only to be proven later on, that he was wrong: one of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect, because perfection doesn't exist, without imperfection, neither you nor I would be there; but when he finally understood this and realized that everything he wanted was to have fun playing a simple but yet charming sport, he was left with a sour taste in his mouth by the same fate that comically, he had planned for himself after changing the infamous Teikoku Gakuen forever, leaving a mark that in youth soccer history, would've never became indelible. His brain tumor, unfortunately already in an advanced state when his foster home forced him to get urgently operated by the best neurosurgeon they could find in Tokyo, didn't only cause him frequent migraines, but also epilepsy; not to mention the sturdy blow he received to his head when a certain midfielder from Teikoku Gakuen used a new prohibited move he came up with under the so called commander's orders on him, which caused damage to his cerebellum. It naturally lead to severe ataxia, which often caused Nosaka to suddenly fall, and that led him to have to walk with some pathetic supports, if not be confined in a wheelchair. Declared disabled by the Japanese state and consequently unable to play soccer, the poor boy found himself defeated, but right before he could even think of staying there and merely lick his wounds, he realized that he could in a way, still play the game without being in the field himself, soccer was way more interesting than just kicking a ball, after all. It was a tactical game which required technique, cooperation and intuition, and he had managed to train ten players to nearly match Kidou Yuuto, the genius strategist's team, almost entirely by himself. Not to mention the great line of contacts he had, from important figures in the administration field, to extraordinary players, which combined to his immense intelligence, could've been useful to lead any team to success. Furthermore, he really liked cooking as food was an huge comfort for Nosaka, and he generally liked being useful to other people. The path he could (and wanted to) take, in order to in a way still play soccer, appeared right before his eyes. He thus became a successful manager, to the point that together with three other talented girls, he was chosen as a member of the management team of the Japan representatives of the Football Frontier International, the Inazuma Japan. Nosaka had always been the observant type, preferring to stay on the sidelines and analyze the situation, rather than put himself in charge, and this personality trait of his didn't show signs of changing: he carefully observed each member of the team, ready to stop any bickering or give some useful advice during the little breaks they had between one match and another, if not creating new special techniques and strategies together with his captain. However there was a small something that had piqued his interest lately, which was how the members who were in a romantic relationship, behaved towards each-other; various caresses and sweet kisses on the cheek were at the order of the day, small gestures in which they seemed to take refuge to escape from the daily stress that representing an entire nation in a competitive sport brought them. But yet, despite being in a relationship too, all these things were unknown to Nosaka, he had never tried them, not even in a platonic situation, the human contact he was used to were friendly punches on the shoulder and shaking hands, and he felt incredibly guilty: his boyfriend, Nishikage Seiya, had been through all the nightmare experience he caused, and yet Nosaka couldn't even do a simple thing such as giving him a comforting hug. 'Now or never' the boy thought as he slowly got up, and quietly went in front of the bed, where his boyfriend was. He spread his arms wide, and then, basically threw himself on his poor boyfriend. The bed tiles creaked due to the impact, and Nishikage's eyes opened immediately as soon as he felt an unexpected pressure on his chest, gasping as soon as he realized what, or rather, who it was. "Nosaka-san...?!" Since he was his boyfriend, Nishikage was more than aware of all the problematics his boyfriend had, at times his migraines were so strong that they lead him to faint even with the help of the appropriate medicines he made sure he took every morning, and he was afraid that he had suddenly lost consciousness, or worse, that he was having an epileptic crisis, which immediately threw him into panic. He sat on the bed, and that's when Nosaka removed his face from his chest, staring at him with his usual emotionless expression, making him breathe a sigh of relief. "Nosaka-san, you scared me...!" Nishikage said, it was more of a relieved sentence, than a scold, but Nosaka still felt as if he owed him an explanation. Nosaka put his hands on the other's shoulders so that he could have a support to sit on the mattress too, staring at him with an awkward look on his pale face. "I'm sorry." That sounded almost like a whisper, as if he was genuinely embarrassed for what he did. "I wanted to hug you, but I don't know how to do it." Nishikage couldn't help but mutter that sentence, and allow his expression to soften when the other asked him if he had done something wrong, his mouth was slightly opened due to how surprised he was; he gasped for a few seconds, attempting to find the right words (he had never been good at such things) to make sure that Nosaka didn't feel even more out of place. Lately he was behaving differently, and he couldn't help but feel slightly concerned about it, but yet never found the courage to ask what was wrong: it was clear that in the couple, they were both severly uncommunicative.

"Nosaka-san..." He watched as his boyfriend moved away from him, slightly disconsolated, while he murmured his name in what was an almost imperceptible whisper. He slowly reached out to him in the darkness of their room by stretching his arm out, putting his hand on his shoulder, that seemed to be enough to catch his attention. "I...Appreciate it." Nosaka remained silent, that clearly wasn't it, how was he supposed to let him know that he didn't do anything wrong? After a few seconds of embarassing silence, he came up with an idea; the fact that Nosaka was so awkward when it came to effusions was because he clearly never received any from his family members before he got abandoned, and always behaved coldly towards everyone, because that was everything he knew due to the context he was raised in, which was very sad, to say the least. He would've facepalmed if he was alone, a good boyfriend would've noticed that something was wrong in the first place, not now while the problem is forwarded! But now was not the time to sit there and brood over it, because perhaps he just came up with an idea to make him happy.

"Nosaka-san, I could help you to hug me." Nosaka turned around, his lips were curved into a small, adorable smile, which didn't help with Nishikage's growing embarrassment, that caused his cheeks to get painted by a gentle red hue.

"First off, you want to do something like this..." He took Nosaka's arms and wrapped them around his own waist, and instinctively, the other boy pressed his cheek on his chest, letting out a satisfied 'hum', he already felt so safe in that embrace, now he fully understood why the others seemed to enjoy these cheesy activities so much, it truly was nice. Considering that he had never been hugged by his boyfriend, it was something brand new for him too, a weird but yet greatly appreciated sensation which caused him to feel butterflies in his stomach, and his previously tense muscles to finally relax. Then, he slowly laid back down on the bed, and he too wrapped his arms around Nosaka.

"That's not it." Nosaka said, raising his head to stare at Nishikage, he still didn't seem satisfied, what could they possibly be missing? His thin lips curved into a smile as he raised his index finger as he pointed out something else. "Couples caress each-other's head too. Do you want to try?" Nosaka asked, and Nishikage couldn't help but oblige, slowly redirecting the other's face to the crook of his neck, slowly starting to pet Nosaka's soft pink hair in a vertical motion, and once again, silence fell between the two of them again, an enjoyable quiet Nishikage didn't want to break in any kind of way, because he knew that this time it meant that his boyfriend was satisfied with the affection he was receiving. But he still thought he could do more.

"I'm going to turn around, okay?" Nishikage smiled ever so slightly when Nosaka murmured an 'mhm'. He carefully turned around, and now they were practically spooning, he was gently holding Nosaka's waist, while his chin was resting on his hair.

"Thank you, Nishikage. I think I already learnt a lot." Nosaka said, this time his voice had a clear emotion in it, that his boyfriend could recognize, it was happiness. "I never did things like these before, and I'm glad I'm doing this with you, out of all people. All couples do this, after all." And so, realization finally struck him, was Nosaka doing this because he saw all the other couples in the team cuddle from time to time? That seemed like the most likely answer, that could explain why he attempted to show him affection all of the sudden; not that he didn't do it before, Nosaka always shared his food with him and no-one else, and lately he even started to cook way healthier meals for him, which he greatly enjoyed. However, he couldn't help but feel a tad...afraid, that he was doing this because he wanted to become the perfect boyfriend.

"...Nosaka-san." Nishikage started, his voice as gentle as a lullaby as he spoke to him. "You know that if you don't feel comfortable with showing affection, you don't have to." He reassured him, however Nosaka shook his head in response.

"I did this because I wanted to feel the shiver of something new, and...I wasn't left disappointed." Nosaka clarified, he couldn't exactly read his tone but, Nishikage could tell that he was being genuine, why would he lie over something to small, after all? After that sentence, the boy covered his mouth to let out a yawn, which was the signal that it was time to fall asleep in morpheus' arms for the both of them. Nishikage leaned towards Nosaka and without hesitation, pressed his lips on his cheek.

"What was that?" Nosaka asked curiously, and Nishikage couldn't help but smile again, his boyfriend was so adorable, he truly loved every little thing about him. "It was a kiss, Nosaka-san. A way to wish you good night."

"...Will you do it again, next night?"

"Of course, Nosaka-san."