"See you soon, mum" I said as I left for work.
Mum was unwell, she had cancer but I still had to work. She always said she would be okay but the thought of leaving her every morning, killed me.
Work is only a short journey away so if she needed me I could always come back, my boss was always nice to me. He understood the situation and allowed me to leave for mum whenever I needed to.
I work in a restaurant, my mums favourite actually. I got myself a full time job there just before she fell ill. 40 hours and a decent income. Not where I wanted to be for a 20 year old but once mum fell ill I couldn't risk going elsewhere. We needed the money and I needed to be close to her.
My phone was always on loud, for any emergency. My mum would never ring me though. She said "Your job is important, you need to be there" No matter how many times I told her "You're my priority, you need to phone me if you need help or if something has happened" She wouldn't listen.
I give her constant check ups, messages and phone calls throughout the day to make sure she's okay. She won't always tell the truth but she's my mum... I always know if she needs me to come home.
That woman was the closest thing I've ever had and needed. My birth giver. My heart and soul.
I got 4 hours into my shift and I hadn't heard anything from mum, I had texted 3 times but no response... "Maybe she's having a nap" I said to myself and headed back to work. Another hour went by and still nothing from her. I was getting a little worried. Mum never naps for this long. Mum never ignores me for this long.
I went out the back of the restaurant and called her. Ring....Ring....Ring.... no answer.
I tried again.
Ring....Ring....Ring.... no answer.
I put the phone away and rushed into my bosses office, feeling quite nervous and worried.
"She wont answer me" I said to my boss with watery eyes.
He let me go instantly.
I left the restaurant and ran. I ran as fast as I could back home. I had a massive stitch from not warming up but I pushed through the pain.
I stumbled to the door, rushed the key into the hole and burst open the door.
"MUM" "MUM" rushing around the house I eventually found her. She'd fallen off the sofa. She'd hit her head so wasn't responsive. Alive but unconscious. A sigh of relief but still riddled with panic.
I pulled out my phone in a rush and shakily dialled 999 into my phone.
Whilst I waited for the ambulance to arrive, I sat with my mum. Begging her to wake up. "Mum please wake up, please".
The ambulance team arrived, put her on a stretcher and carried her out into the ambulance. I held her hand tight for the whole journey.
We arrived into the emergency room and they attached her to wires in a hurry. "What's happening?!" "What is happening to my mum" were the only words coming from my mouth.
An hour after tears, sweat and a whole load of things going through my mind... my mum gained consciousness. Again, a sigh of relief but still confused and worried about my mother.
With my hand still gripped tight to hers she said "Hey Son" and began to apologise for not calling for help. I told her not to worry, at least she was alive.
Hours went by along with tests after tests.
There was a knock at the door. It was the doctor. The doctor sat down and started by saying "I'm not sure how to say this" I felt my heart sink. That phrase never means good things.
He carried on to say that the cancer had spread.. it had spread pretty much everywhere. And it was spreading far too quick for any action to happen.
Tears started falling down my mums face.
"How long" came out of my trembling mothers mouth. "How long have I got left".
The doctor stayed silent for a second. He took a gulp and went on to say "Not long" bowing his head.
"I'm deeply sorry" he said.
He told us all the information we needed, he said that mum would have to stay in hospital until she passed. He couldn't give an exact time frame but he knew it would be soon. Soon enough to keep mum in.
50 million questions went through my worked up mind. What do I do? How will I cope? How do I go on? When will she pass? Who do I talk to? Why my mum? Why now?
The doctor left the room and gave us everything we needed. Water, Food, Tissues, Blankets etc.
I spent every minute with my mum, not knowing how much time I had left. I held her hand whilst she slept. I held her hand whilst she ate, talked, cried. We spoke about all of our memories together.
2 days had passed and she was slowing deteriorating. The colour was draining from her face. The energy was draining from her body. The life was draining out of her.
It was hard to watch. It was so hard. To see the woman who gave me life slowly fade away, it killed me.
It was the 3rd day. She had woken up. Which was the biggest thing. She was still alive. But something was off today.
She was just that little bit more drained. Fewer words were coming from her mouth. Less movement. Something told me today was the day.
I wasn't sure but I prepared for the worst. I still stayed by her side. I still spoke to her, told her stories.. even though she could barely talk back. I held her hand tighter than ever this time.
It was around 2:16pm, I had just finished feeding her a yogurt she asked me to feed her.
Shortly after cleaning mum up she grabbed my hand. She pulled me and asked me to sit. I sat down next to her bed and asked her what was wrong.
She went on to tell me how proud she was of me. She told me how far I've come and how much I've grown and how happy she was to see me grow up. Confused I said "Mum why are you telling me these things?" she went quiet and then proceeded to say "Because you're my son.. and I love you with everything".
A tear fell down her delicate, faded skin.
Her eyes closed.
"Mum" I said. She responded with a slight noise. "I love you" I replied.
As the "you" left my mouth her grip on my hand loosened and the angels had taken her.
As she lays peacefully on her deathbed with a tear trickling down my eye, I say "See you soon, mum"
