I Choose You (Augustus x Chosen)

Mayonnaise

The blue light of my computer screen is starting to hurt my eyes, but I press on. Everyone must know how lacking the service of this Wendy's was. As I'm writing this strongly worded review on my favorite platform, Yelp, I can't help but notice the time.

"Damn, 8:30 already?" I sigh to myself. I finish off the 5 paragraph essay with "0 stars, do better." and head upstairs. 

"Augustus! What are you still doing up?" My mother asks as she stands by the sink, just finishing cleaning up after dinner. "Why, it's almost past your bed time young man!" 

"Mom, I'm 32. I needn't abide by your bed times" I walk past her and open the fridge for my favorite snack.

"You're under my roof which means my rules." She scolds. I ignore her and pour the mayonnaise into my mouth. 

"I just wanted a snack mom. I'm going to bed anyways." I turn and head back down the stairs to my domain. Normally, a basement would be cold, but not mine. It still has that mild basement chill but with me constantly being in here it's developed it's own musty atmosphere. I take a deep breath in and let out a big sigh. Being a full-time Yelp reviewer is a hard job. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and take it out to see Randall calling.

"Hey Randall." I answer his call.

"Hey buddy! Boy you wouldnt BELIEVE the day I've had." Gosh, Randall is always calling me with these crazy stories. "I was at this pizza place today and was makin' eyes at the waitress but it turns out, she was a Spanish bull mounted on the wall!" 

"Randall, someday we're gonna get you on a date with a real girl." I laugh.

"Geez I know! My type seems to be really arbitrary and seemingly inanimate." He jokes, but we both know its true. "Honestly I don't think i can get over my ex-girlfriend yet. I know now that she was made out of butter and chives but... it still cuts deep." Randall is usually a goofy persona so him opening up like this is really something. Though his type is odd, I still feel bad for him.

"Hey!" I blurt out as I suddenly have an idea. "How about tomorrow we go find you a gal. A real, human, gal." I know it's a stretch as women don't seem to like my... everything. But I think I have a perfect idea.