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"i want to run towards something. not away."
❀ུ۪
i lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. my head is still spinning, and i'm trying to process everything that's happened in the past few.. hours? days? weeks? maybe even months. i can't stop repeating what i said earlier today. is it really true? do i really want to leave derry because i want to run towards something? what if i'm lying, not just to the rest of the losers club, but to myself? what if i am trying to run away from something... or someone?
shut up, beverly
i tell myself, rubbing my temples as i feel my head hurting more. i shut my eyes and try to think about something else. something a little more positive. not that it's really possible when you live in a town like derry. whether it's henry bowers, greta bowie or a killer clown, or even your own dad, everything just goes to shit, eventually. i can feel sweat running down my forehead. i sit up and yawn, looking at the small alarm clock on my dresser. 2:53 am. guess i won't be getting any sleep today, either. at least it's summer, i guess. i hate this stupid town. i wish i could leave this hellhole behind and just enjoy life. i'd love to live in canada, it's been a place i wanted to go for a while. it always just seemed so peaceful to me. i pick up my phone, hoping for some kind of distraction from reality. i scroll through instagram, not really reading the captions because who does? anyway, i sigh and decide to text bill.
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👤 bill denbrough • online 4 hours ago
ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ hey bill, are you awake? sent 2:57 am
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i patiently wait for a response. it's late, it's not like he would respond. i sighed and put my phone back down on the nightstand, pulling the blanket over my body. the moon light shines into my eyes, making me roll over. i groaned, my headache getting worse. i got up and walked to the kitchen, grabbing some tylenol. "bevvie, is that you?" oh god. please, don't. i don't need this right now. i quickly swallowed the tylenol and drank a glass of water. i stand there, silently. nothing. silence. i sigh in content and turn around, trying to walk back to my room. of course he's there, in the doorway. i try to speak, but he cuts me off, stepping closer. "what are you doing up so late, bevvie?" he asks. his voice disgust me, i can feel the vomit coming up my throat. "nothing, daddy. my head was hurting." i give him a weak smile. please, please don't touch me. just let me leave. i can't deal with this. "goodnight then, bevvie." he kisses me on the forehead and i feel even more disgusted. i sure am gonna throw up now, or so i thought. he smells awful. i smile more as he walks to the fridge, getting a can of beer. of course he's getting another can. "goodnight, daddy." i say quietly, walking to my room, shutting the door. my stomach feels all wobbly. i can still smell his breath, it makes me feel lightheaded. i sit down on my bed and rest my face in my hands. after a while, a notification pops up on my phone.
┌──────────────────────────┐ instagram 1 new message from bill.dnbrgh06 └──────────────────────────┘
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👤 bill denbrough • online now
ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ hey bill, are you awake?
yeah. whats up?
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i smile at my phone, laying down on my bed.
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👤 bill denbrough • online now
ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ hey bill, are you awake?
yeah. whats up?
not much. want to hang out tomorrow?
sure ig, i have nothing better to do lol
ㅤ great wanna meet at the quarry? idk, 2 pm?
yeah what do u wanna do tho?
i don't know, i just don't wanna be stuck in the house with my dad all day.
kay will u bring cigarettes?
no obviously not, you stupid asshole. you know damn well i bring them everywhere i go.
