Kismat aur Hum

34.

- Haniya -
- six months later -
I sat in my room, looking out at the children playing games. Another day that is passing, I thought. The sunset light passed through my bedroom window, making it warm and bright. Closing the curtains, I sat on the ground, praying and reciting the Quran again.

This had been my routine for a few months now. I didn't leave my room, I didn't have the energy or spirit to do anything.

There was a knock on my door as I finished recting the Quran and placed it on the shelf. "Api, come have dinner." Asfa called out. "I'm coming in just a bit." I called after her. I heard her leave.

Putting my prayer scarf down. I looked at the painting I stored behind my shelf. Every time I looked at it, I hated myself.

- flashback -
Mehr, me, and Umar were called to the police station. We were looking through the things that had survived the fire. Most of Malik's painting were safely stored, making them last.

I looked at each one as Mehr and Umar were talking to the police officer. One of them was a painting of his parents. Another of Umar and Mehr on their wedding day. There were some beaches, other sunsets, each one more beautiful than the next. There was one I surprised looking at. It was me, but I looked way different than I did now, I was in a hijab and holding flowers in a park.

There were more paintings of me, each so magnificent, I was surprised that's what I looked like. "That was his way of remembering things and loving them." Mehr said, standing beside me now. "He never let anyone look at his paintings, except that sunset one." She pointed at one.

"He also used painting ad an excuse to leave and spend his alone time. Whenever he was hurt or upset, he would spend hours, even days, tucked away. Working days and then painting at night." She finished saying. I nodded, listening to her.

- end flashback -
They say a painters view is painted, I guess this was how he viewed me. My finger stroked the paint lines.

I snapped out my daze as there was another knock on my door, "Api, come have dinner, and this time I won't leave without you." She said, waiting outside my door. I knew she wouldn't go until I didn't come out, so I quietly went down to dinner with her.

We had finished eating, Asfa had gotten up to pick the dirty plates, and I was getting up to help her when Baba interrupted. "Haniya, sit down. We need to talk about something." He said, as both Mama  and him looked serious. "What is it, Baba?" I asked. Once both Taha and Asfa had finished picking up the plates and dishes, Baba started to talk.

"I know this isn't the best time, but this needs to be done." He started saying. "What are you talking about, Baba?" I asked, not getting their point.

"Beta, we have thought long about this. We don't want you to waste your life. You're still young and -" "Baba, I'm sorry to cut, but could you please get to the point." I asked, impatiently waiting to know what they're trying to say.

This time, Mama spoke, "Beta, a man has approached us for your hand in marriage. He knows you're a widow and is okay with it. He is also very good and - " "Mama, how could you just talk about getting me married to someone already." I was getting upset with their conversation.

"Beta, you're young, you have a life ahead of you, and this boy is kind, he will treat you right." Mama continued. "Mama, I have no intention of getting married, ever." I replied back. "Haniya, we are doing what's best. Widow women aren't viewed well in our culture. We want what's best for you." Baba sternly said.

"I can't, I can't betrayMalik. And wat would Mehr think when she finds out." I said. "I already talked with Mehr, she is fine with it." Mama said, I was shocked. "When did you talk to Mehr?" "A few days ago, you were asleep. She had come to visit. I told her about your proposal, and she was okay with it. And about Malik, beta, he's dead." Mama finished saying.