Embernest

Up, Down, and Upside Down

Rowan paced before his horse for several minutes, eyes closed as he wondered how badly he was about to mess up his life. "You'll wear a hole in the floor, brother."
"Liss. There you are!" he sighed in relief and hugged his sister close.
"Your hair!" she gasped. "God, did you do that yourself?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to look so much like myself."
"You failed," she teased. "No, you look fine." She took in his subdued outfit. "You really are serious about this journey."
"Of course I am. Get saddled up, would you?"
"Did you remember the padded saddle?" she teased.
"I will throw something at you." He turned and noticed his servant approach. "Good morning, Max."
"Sir," smiled Maximus. He held two baskets of food. "The kitchen staff send their regards."
"Thank them for me. Profusely." He smiled warmly and took the baskets. "I will tell you about the journey when I return."
"I look forward to it, sir." Maximus bowed and left. He couldn't help but glance back over his shoulder at the prince and princess as he headed back to his quarters. Dawn had not yet broken, there was a tension in the air sustained rather than dashed by birdsong.
"Rowan, we will find her. Wilde is not that difficult to track down when she is needed," Liss reassured her brother.
"I- I know. It is only that- that this journey will change everything," he whispered. "I can only imagine what is to come, and I am just grateful to you that I do not have to do this alone."
"I would do anything for my favorite brother, but do not tell the others this."
"That you would do anything for me, or that I am your favorite?" he teased.
"Correct." Liss smirked. "I am not trying to have you assassinated."
"I appreciate this." He smiled and packed half of the food in his own saddlebag as Liss packed the other half. "So, what weapons shall join us?"
"I've got a little of everything."
"I see a sword and a crossbow."
"There's a lot hidden." She gestured to her lightweight, but strong, armor.
"Are you a knight or some sort of stealth assassin, sister?" he teased. "You are terrifying."
"Good." She tucked her hair behind her ears and put her helmet on as Rowan covered his hair with a drab, faded red linen scarf and put his hat on top. "I take your safety dead seriously."
"As you should," he smiled. "I am your future king, whether I want to be or not." Liss shot him a look. "Yes, baby sister?"
"You are being petulant," she smirked and swung up easily into her saddle. "All right, so... how do we find Wilde? Is there a map?"
"We must use magic," Rowan answered with a smirk of his own. He tied a linen scarf over his mouth and nose, then pulled it down around his neck. "You will simply have to trust me." He swung up into his own saddle and held his horse's reins. "Ready, Star?" She whinnied and he grinned. "Good girl."
"Aurora and I are ready as well," Liss smiled. She followed Rowan from the stables and to the gate, where it was raised for the siblings without question. Rowan couldn't help but look over his shoulder over and over until Liss touched his arm. "Hey. Try not to worry."
"I can never stop worrying." He smiled tiredly at her.
"We have now left the palace. Can you tell me what is going on yet?"
"Let me have something to eat first, I am nauseated from nerves."
"Of course." Liss patiently waited as Rowan pulled a few slices of cheese and an apple from his saddlebag. "Well?"
"How much do you know about Caelan and my relationship?" he asked. "And how much do you think anyone else knows?"
"I know all about it, but then, I am to be Caelan's next in command upon my next birthday. I think Mother has suspicions. Father thinks he knows, but knows nothing. I think our siblings are probably aware, but who knows. I don't think any of them want to admit the truth. Why?"
"Because when our parents were gone on that visit to one of the Eastern kingdoms, and there was that storm, some things happened that Mother, especially, can never know about," he told his sister.
"Oh?" She made sure to keep pace with him and spoke softly despite their gaining distance from their home.
"Indeed. There... may have been wine, and a fire in the fireplace, and a dalliance may have occurred."
"Rowan! A dalliance? You are supposed to betrothe soon!"
"I am aware, Liss." He sighed.
"So, if nobody knew but you two, why is it such- Oh. Oh, god. Rowan. T-tell me. Tell me there's not a baby."
"I'm pregnant," he confirmed.
"So... are we going to Wilde to end the pregnancy? Because there are ways of doing that at home, brother. There's no need to travel for such a thing."
"If I asked for those herbs at home, Mother would find out in an instant and there would be no hope of betrothal because nobody can keep a secret to save a life at home."
"Oh, that is fair."
"And, I do not wish to end the pregnancy."
"You cannot be serious!" she gasped.
"Wilde has ways of hiding such a thing. I wish to see what she can do for me. To see what we can see, shall we say."
"So we are going to travel a great distance on- on a chance? On a hope? A whim, even?" Liss spluttered.
"It's Caelan's, Liss. I may never have this opportunity again." He sighed. "He is everything to me."
"He is everything to you right now. You are still young. There are plenty of- of second princes and princesses to meet, Rowan, there's a chance..."
"No. He- he is it for me." Rowan sighed. "I will appease Mother, attend these balls, perhaps wed someone if I must, but I will love no one more than Caelan, not in all my days."
"Rowan, you cannot be selfish. You will be king!"
"I-"
"I know. You don't want to be king." She rolled her eyes.
"You hate me for it."
"I just cannot imagine having the opportunity to create real change in this kingdom and- and not taking it. I just- God, Rowan, if I could..."
"What would you do if you were queen?" he asked genuinely.
"Everything. I'd change the marriage laws. I would find ways to forge allyships without marriages being part of it, sure, but so much more! I would invest in our kingdom, Rowan. We have tremendous farmlands, hardworking people as our subjects. We could be one of the greatest kingdoms to ever exist, but everyone forgets about Embernest. Why? Why does it have to be that way?" She shook her head. " I would find a dragon."
"The dragons are extinct."
"I'd find one. Or one would find me." She smiled. "I would learn to ride."
"If it didn't roast you first!" Rowan laughed.
Liss grinned. "I dream of dragon riding all the time. Aurora is an amazing horse, but she is no dragon."
"I couldn't imagine riding a dragon," Rowan laughed.
"They wouldn't let you, in your condition. Dragons are wise." She smiled. "Unless it was an emergency, of course."
"Of course. And what else do you know of dragons?" Rowan was happy to listen to his sister talk and talk and talk about them as they rode. He was confident in his direction of travel, and when they paused he took a map, a metal stick, and a dark gray stone from his bag to assist in his navigations. Liss watched him as he used the stone and magnet to create a compass. He looked over the map and, thinking of Caelan, conjured up a tear to drop onto the parchment. It seemed to spiral along the page, highlighting Wilde's current location. "Good news, Liss, we should be there earlier than expected."
"Good. That means we can stay longer and I can get to know this mysterious Wilde."
"I would not be so sure, she intentionally cultivates her mysteriousness. She is never in the same place twice."
"I wonder if she'll teach me what she knows." Liss hummed. Rowan chuckled at her. "What?"
"Liss, she's not one to share her secrets. I don't want you to get your hopes up."
"And what if she refuses to help you?"
"Then..." He sighed. "As much as I would rather die myself, it will be the herbs."
"It's the wise thing to do, and you know it."
"It being wise does not mean I have to enjoy it or be happy about it. For now, allow me to hold onto hope."
"Fine, maintain your foolishness," she sighed.
"If you think I am foolish, why accompany me?"
"I wanted to help and support you. And, you needed a sword," she answered simply. "And I was curious as to what was going on. I suppose I could have guessed, from what I know of you and Caelan, but I don't think I would have." She looked at him. "I know it's not fair. Nothing about the crown is fair."
"It's not," he shook his head. "My life will never just be mine."
"Is there no upside that you can find?" she sighed.
"You say that like I should."
Liss looked at him again as Rowan took the lead. "You may as well make the best of it if you have to be in the position you are."
Rowan looked back at his sister. "What if I'm the last king of Embernest?"
"Rowan!" she gasped.
"What?" he laughed. "There are worse things."
"You would subject our kingdom, our country, our home, to some leader who knows nothing of our ways, our culture? Our people?" She shook her head. "I could not bear it!"
Rowan fell silent. He rode quietly ahead of Liss for a few more hours. "We're getting close!" he gasped. He could feel the familiar magic in the air that indicated they were near Wilde's cabin. He called for her as he swung off his horse. "Wilde!"
"Who is there?" The tall, willowy woman came towards them. "Rowan! And is this one of your sisters?"
"Hello, friend," he smiled at her and pecked her cheek. "Yes. Liss, this is Wilde. Wilde, my sister, Liss."
"Where is Caelan? Does he yet live?" Wilde gasped and held Rowan by his arms.
"As far as I know, he is on a standard mission to address a minor disagreement between a couple of lords in the country." Rowan tilted his head. "Have you heard otherwise?"
"It was foretold that you would visit me, but I expected Caelan to accompany you." Wilde led them into her cabin. "That was not told to me, for the record, I simply assumed. What has brought you to me, my friend?As much as I wish it were so, I know it is not simply my tea that calls to you."
"Oh, were it so. No, Wilde, I find myself in a predicament. A bind. In trouble." He sighed. "Caelan and I had... a night... together and I find myself pregnant."
"I see," she nodded. "And what sort of help are you hoping for from me, sweet prince?"
"I wish to keep the child. I will need to conceal it from prying eyes the entirety of the pregnancy."
"And what of when the child comes into this world?"
"I have heard that I could claim them as an orphan to foster." He sighed.
"I see. And how will you explain away the resemblance to yourself, or to Caelan, or heaven forbid, both of you?"
"I will not. I will be king, and unlike my father, my subjects will be loyal to me. Consult what you can, please. Tell me what is to come!"
Wilde's eyes drank him in. His desperation. His expression. His clothes. "Rowan, I will see what I can do," she reassured him. "It's been a while since I have done that sort of magic, but I do know how to conceal a pregnancy." He smiled in relief at her words. "How does Caelan feel about all of this? It being his child, after all?"
"He struggles to understand me," Rowan answered. "But I cannot- I just- I cannot sacrifice this child for ambition that I do not have."
"I understand," Wilde smiled. "Are you excited?"
"I am, and terrified," he admitted. "I would feel better if you were an easier woman to find." He held her gaze. "Perhaps I could arrange something for you?"
"At the palace? I don't think so."
"The baby will need care. Care I will struggle to provide, due to my title."
"Then is it wise to have? Again?" Liss sighed.
"I do not think the palace is the place for a woman like me," Wilde sighed. "I will craft your charm. Now, pay close attention, yeah? You need to keep the charm on your person. As long as it is on you, nobody will perceive your condition. They will witness no evidence of your pregnancy. They will not notice any changes in your body. They will find excuses for any symptoms, such as needing the outhouse frequently. However, any time this charm is not upon your body, anyone could perceive what is going on. It is waterproof, fireproof, and you can sleep in it."
"What is the catch, Wilde?"
"It will need to be recharged once a month, on the full moon, overnight."
"Is there anything you can do for me during that time?"
"I can offer you a notice-me-not charm, but it will not do nearly as much."
"Understood. I will allow no one entry to my chambers that night. The full moon each month."
"Very good."
"And, heaven forbid I forget, what is my recourse?"
"Send for me directly." She nodded to one of the many birds in the rafters of her cottage. "This friend will find me any time. It won't take me long at all to craft a replacement, but time will be of the essence. I imagine your duties will be very demanding as they increase the intensity of your training."
"You've got that right, it's terrible."
"Good thing is, you are young. Your body is forgiving, so even if you push yourself too hard, it should not cause too much trouble." She bustled about her cottage, fussing a little as she looked through drawers and cabinets. "Rowan, you will need support. Besides your sister and Caelan, who knows about the baby?"
"Nobody," he sighed. "I cannot take the risk. Liss has kept all of my secrets, and Caelan had to know."
"Has anyone supported you yet?"
"Only against their will. Everyone thinks this is a terrible idea."
"I worry for your safety," Wilde sighed. "But it is your choice." She watched his face as she prepared his charms.
Rowan watched her quietly for  a long moment. He felt Liss at his side, heard her breathing as she remained vigilant. He closed his eyes and then looked down at the toes of his boots. "I know I'm not making the choice that... that a king should make. A future king, anyway." He sighed. "I just... Wilde, it's mine and I always worry about Caelan, about losing him. And sure, I know children die all the damn time, especially as babies, but I just can't stop thinking about it. About what being a father would be like." He bit his lip. "I know it's foolish not to give up the child."
"Rowan, there are times you have to listen to your heart, and everyone else be damned," she whispered and gave him the charms in simple leather pouches. "This seems to be one of those times for you. Trust me when I tell you, you do not have to justify your choice, however inconvenient, to me." She smiled softly. "Compared to your father's many bastards, you are doing fine."
"Why, because I'll just have one?"
"Because, Rowan, your child is born of genuine love. Your father is a lustful creature, beholden only to his basest self. You have made this choice, intentionally, with all the information available to you. Your father... He is... indescerning in his tastes." She frowned. "It is as you said, you demonstrate your affection to your people. Your subjects know you. They trust you. They might even just love you."
Rowan blushed. "Thank you. You're a good friend." He squeezed her hand gently. "I would love to host you at the castle, Wilde, truly. I could use your attentive eye, your healing skills, especially in- in my current condition."
"I will consult with my Gods. You know I am beholden to them."
"I understand," Rowan nodded. "I hope they will tell you to join me, if for no other reason than I could use another friend at court."
"What role would I play there?"
"You could be as active or as secretive as you like," he smiled. "I do not intend to have such a stuffy court as my father holds."
"No, I daresay you wouldn't. What will you do about the establishment courtiers?"
"I suppose nothing at this time, as I lack the power. What would you do?"
"I would do nothing, but let them all sort themselves out." She shook her head. "In my dreams, there is no court. We would all take care of each other, as your subjects do so often."
"Do they? Is the care we provide inadequate?"
"I wouldn't necessarily term it so," Wilde sighed. "But some have more than others, most have less than others." She shrugged. "Your father charges such high taxes, and it seems that all the villages gain in return is more violence, more guards enfoircing laws harshly."
"The guards?" he frowned.
"Rowan, the guards serve your father and the upper nobility. They serve to keep your subjects from climbing too high on the social ladder. Imagine if all your subjects could read and write? The writings, and the reading, that would happen? The discussions that would occur? The debates?" She blinked. "There would be protests, riots, uprisings! You know as well as I your father's tyranny!"
"I do," he sighed. "How can I make things right?"
"You know what to do," she answered simply. "You must bide your time until the power is yours, and then you must wield it judiciously in such a manner that no one ever has absolute power again." She smiled brightly at him, with hope in her eyes as luminous as a lantern.
"This is why I need you at court," Rowan smiled. "I have no idea what I am doing."
"Rowan, you've got to believe in yourself!" she sighed. "Things... they can be totally different. Top down. It has to start somewhere. Hell, maybe someday we won't have monarchy at all."
"Not have monarchy at all? That sounds... intriguing." Rowan blinked.
"It is possible." She smiled softly. "In the meantime, keep safe. I do not have to tell you how dangerous it is to even think about keeping this child, do I?"
"No, you don't." He sighed. "Thank you for doing this."
"Consider, too, that Caelan is the captain of the guard, the same guard that oppress the subjects."
"What point do you hope to make?" Rowan held Wilde's gaze. "He sent me to you."
"I have no doubts that he cares for you, wants you to be safe and alive, and your child, too. And, he chose duty over being with you when you are in a desperately risky position and pregnant with his child."
"We all must put duty first," Rowan sighed.
"You are not. And I hope that your experiences with your pregnancy help you understand your more desperate subjects, your highness." She gave him the promised items and sighed. "It is best you do not linger."
"Of course. Thank you."
"When you are close to birth, come to me." She held his eyes. "I do not need to explain to you, I hope, why you cannot give birth at any of the palaces or houses?"
"Thank you," he nodded. He bit his lip.
"Do you feel strong in your decision?"
"I do,Wilde, thank you." He nodded and followed Liss back to the horses.
"Then go. There is an inn a mile northeast. The innkeeper there is a friend of mine, she will shelter you."
"You are the best."
She smiled softly and gave him a reassuring hug. "You can do this, Rowan. You can do scary things, difficult things. Did you know, you cannot be brave if you aren't scared?" She smiled brightly.
"Then I am about to be so brave!" he chuckled. He swung up into his saddle easily as Liss followed his lead. He saluted Wilde playfully and rode off to find the inn. He could hear Liss' silence as she rode beside him. "What do you have to say?" He finally asked.
"Nothing. I am just stunned you're going through with all this." She blinked. "There's so many pieces to put together, and my gut is telling me this is a terrible idea."
"I know, Liss. And I can't do it differently. This is important to me." He looked down at his hands. "I know nobody understands, not even Caelan, but I just cannot- I just-"
"I know. And I know you get the risks." She sighed. "I will still be by your side, brother, I promise. I won't tell anyone. I will support you."
"Even though you think I am being stupid and running headlong into danger and possibly monarchical suicide."
"Because you are, but yes." She smiled. "What do you think of what else Wilde had to say?"
"No more monarchy? I don't know." He shrugged. "I know I'd be happy to farm all day. I miss it, honestly. It's hard work, and there's an honesty in it that politics sorely lacks." He looked over at her. "And, there's a whole kingdom based around it. I don't know what things would look like if they were different. Is that bad?"
"No, I was shocked, and honestly a little upset she would even suggest such a thing when you are working so damn hard to be all the things you are." She shook her head. "I know she has good intentions, but I also worry she has an agenda. Everyone does. Everyone wants a piece of the crown."
"She wants there to be no crown," Rowan frowned. "I must admit, if there is another way, I would find it intriguing. Maybe there- there could be a way that only one person does not have to carry such weight, be open to manipulation, all of it." He shrugged and sighed.
"How can you say that? That is everything you work to fight, Rowan!" Liss was angry and rode ahead until they arrived to the inn. Rowan gave her money and she went to get them a room and dinner sent to it. Rowan followed her up and sighed as he flopped on one of the beds.  He sat up to eat and sighed softly to himself.
"Right now, frankly, I  wish the whole damn aristocracy would burn," he admitted quietly. "Seems ridiculous that we have a palace and these folks are scrounging for every penny." Rowan shook his head. "I hate the inherent inequality. Why can I not be both leader, and equal to all my subjects?" He finally took a break to eat.
"Because they are subject to your power, that inherently creates imbalance. The kingdom will look to you to lead. Rather than fuss over changes you cannot make, why not be a kind, just ruler? Leave a golden legacy for your descendants?"
"I don't want to live a life that hurts people." He frowned.
"Even if you were a knight, a peasant, something else, you could hurt others," Liss pointed out. "Brother, I do not wish to upset you further. I just think you are trying to fight reality, when there is little truly within your control."
Rowan cleared the last few bites from his plate and set it aside. "Liss." He held her gaze. "I could really change things, leave a greater legacy than just... A good rule." He shook his head. "Caelan could be the lowest born consort in centuries, to start."
"You have always been much too much of a dreamer, Rowan." Liss sighed.
"And you've always been right there with me." Rowan held her eyes. "C'mon, Liss, have I found the end of your loyalty?"
"My loyalty is to you, and also the crown, and if you force me to choose it will not go well for any of us." She set her cup down a bit sharper than necessary. "It would be an impossible choice."
"Supporting me over a tyrannical system is not impossible. Protecting this child when I am the only one who believes in me is an impossible choice." He shook his head and stood.
"Where are you going?"
"Nowhere." He went to the window to look out upon the world and sighed. "That's where."
"You are so dramatic!" She sighed. "You got what you were after, why aren't you happy?"
"Because, Liss, there's more at stake. Everything is at stake. And I mean more than our stupid thrones."
"Is this a way to avoid being king?"
"You don't think I would do that gladly if I thought it was genuinely in the best interest of the kingdom?"
"No, I think you've been running away since you were a boy, and frankly, I am sick of it!" she hissed. "The best thing you can do is step the hell up and take your crown, without complaint, and rule the damn country!"
"No one person should have that much power, Liss."
"Then get married already."
"Fine." He sighed. "Once I know Caelan is safe. And he better be able to talk about more than the weather." He sighed.
"Really? You'll cooperate?"
"Well, as you said, I got what I want, so, I suppose I should give back." He crossed his arms. "Plus, if it will get our parents off the throne faster, then that alone is revolutionary."
"There he is, that's the brother I know." Liss audibly sighed with relief. Rowan swallowed back his real thoughts. Better begin performing now, he told himself.
"Indeed." He nodded. Rowan went behind the privacy curtain to change into his nightwear. "Today was long, I think it time we sleep, little sister."
"Sure." She followed his lead, changing quickly into a soft, plain tunic and getting into her bed. Rowan got into his, shirtless and in cut off trousers. "So, home tomorrow, and then what?"
"I'll meet with the queen to plan the balls, I suppose." He sighed. "But first, a bath. Several hours long. Lots of water changes."
"You'd miss that if you stopped being royal."
"That is true." He sighed. "Well. Sacrifices would have to be made." He chuckled. "And, not tomorrow." He doused the oil lamp and laid back on his pillows. LIss watched over him for a few moments before settling into her pillows and allowing herself to rest. The door was locked, a heavy chest in front of it. Her sword was within reach, and a dirk under her pillow. Sleep was a struggle, but rest was attainable. Liss let herself rest, taking slow breaths, and eventually sleep came to her.
Rowan shocked Liss by being the first to wake and badgering her to fetch their breakfast. She whined softly and glared up at her brother. "Fetch it yourself," she teased him.
"Okay!" he laughed, getting dressed quickly.
"No, I'll do it. You're too recognizable." She sighed and went down after pulling on trousers and a jacket over her nightshirt. Liss returned without much ado with plates of food and mugs of coffee for them. "No cream," she teased her brother. "Another royal perk."
"I see," he chuckled and drank the coffee without complaint. He wolfed down his eggs and toast and fruit and set the plate on top of the one from dinner the night previous. "Are you ready?" He grinned.
"You are more excited to return home than I expected." Liss lifted an eyebrow at him. 
"What can I say, I've found a new zest," he smirked. "Zeal, even, for my duty."
"Rowan..." Liss tilted her head.
"Come on, eat up. We've got road to cover."
"Rowan..." she repeated. "Are you all right?" Liss lifted an eyebrow at him.
"I am just brilliant." He set his charm around his neck under his shirt and prepared to travel home. "Mother will insist on calling the royal barber, I am sure. I hope you are ready for what is to come, sister," he grinned. He passed her a few gold coins. "Go pay for our stay, and get the horses." She finished her breakfast, dressed, packed, and obeyed, awaiting him as she yawned.
Rowan came down, disguise back in place. "Ready, brother?" Liss asked quietly, not quite making eye contact.
"Oh, I am, sister. Let the journey begin."