Wiiliam (The Wii Controller of My Heart)

Wiiliam returns

It was 3:00 AM. Y/N was alone in their dark room, only illuminated by the faint green light of their alarm clock on their bedside table. Y/N was lonely, especially after being dumped 4 times by a man named Tim. But within their despair, there was a glimmer of hope: Wiiliam, the 8 foot tall wii controller they met in the GameStop the day prior. He was charming, handsome, sexy, everything Y/N could possibly dream of. They dreamt of his enchanting whale baleen, thought of his deep gravelly voice, reminisced about his terrible taste in coffee. He really was perfect. 

Y/N, however, wasn't like other people, no, they were different. So different, in fact, they hadn't met anyone until now. No friends, no romantic partners, no family. They wondered how Wiiliam could possibly be interested in them; they couldn't mess this up. Would it be too quirky to text a hot wii controller at 3:00 AM, Y/N wondered? They were about to find out. 

"Hey" Y/N typed the words slowly, carefully calculating how they would win over this flawless man. They didn't expect a reply, it was too late, (or early) for that. No, not a reply, but Y/N still hoped that Wiiliam would see the message the next day and realize how much Y/N cared about him. How many people would text someone at 3:00 AM, when they should be sleeping? Y/N hoped that this proved their commitment to Wiiliam. Sure, they met him yesterday, but Y/N was already devoted. Then, something unexpected happened. Something so shocking Y/N practically leapt out of bed: Wiiliam answered.

"Hi"  Wiiliam typed. What a wordsmith! Those two letters, so captivating, so wonderful, so enchanting! Y/N's heart skipped 3.5 beats. This man, he was a literary prodigy! Good enough to graduate Harvard with perfect marks! His words, they were so fascinating, Y/N couldn't look away from the screen! They stared, face lit up from their phone, mesmerized by Wiiliam's dazzling speech. Incredible! Y/N could hardly believe how intelligent this man was. How could Y/N possibly match THAT? There's no way they could even come close to Wiiliam's masterpiece of a text. They thought, long and hard, running through every single word that came to mind as though they were a dictionary. But nothing, nothing could compare. 

"What are you doing up at 3:00 AM?"

Finally, something Y/N could reply to! 

"Oh, you know" Y/N started. "Just thinking about you!" 

Y/N lay in bed, anxiously awaiting a response, wondering what he would say next. The anticipation was killing them! So many possibilities, so many outcomes; with Wiiliam, life felt exciting again. 

"Me too. Say, I found another place on Craigslist. Want to join me?" 

How could Y/N say no? They eagerly agreed, and with further discussion they decided that Wiiliam would pick Y/N up at 8:00. Y/N lay their phone back on the beside table, and pulled their scarlet red comforter up over their torso, the soft fabric of it enveloping them. They sunk into bed, not only thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow, but also thinking about how Wiiliam could text with his abnormally large,  handsome feet and lack of hands. 

The next morning, Wiiliam showed up to Y/N's house. Y/N had always liked early mornings. Seeing the shimmering dew of the grass, smelling the fresh air, watching the sun peek out from behind the trees; to them, it was all perfect. But more than that, they enjoyed waking up to the warm sun against their face, the promise of a new day, the blaring noise of their small silver alarm clock, and rolling out of bed to have their bare feet touch the cold wooden floor of their bedroom. Today was no different, except there was now an irresistible date waiting for them outside. Y/N thought of Wiiliam, and how attractive he was. Wiiliam stalked up to Y/N, smooth bare feet gracing the pavement before them as he strode. A tie hung loosely around his body, since he didn't really have a neck. 

"Greetings" he spoke, his sexy voice making every person in a 3 mile radius fall for him. Y/N stared, unable to take their eyes off this stunning wii controller. 

"H-hi" Y/N barely managed to squeeze the words out.

"Are you ready to go?" Wiiliam stared at Y/N expectantly. Y/N nodded, and so they proceeded towards Wiiliam's car, which was just as breathtaking as he was. A large, boxy white van with the words "free candy" messily painted on in red on the sides of the vehicle. There were no windows, save for the front seats, which had two darkly tinted ones. Y/N was taken aback by how incredible this car was, although they weren't too surprised considering who owned it. Of course Wiiliam had a perfect car to match his dream-like self, everything about him was flawless. They wondered what kind of candy he had in there; bubblegum lollipops were Y/N's personal favorite. Y/N advanced towards the car once more, as they realized they had stopped to take in the beauty of it all. Their fingers brushed the smooth handle before tugging the car door open and climbing in next to Wiiliam, who had likely taken the opportunity to go in while Y/N was admiring the dazzling van. 

"So.." Y/N shifted in their seat, trying to get comfortable. "Where are we heading?"

Wiiliam flashed another dazzling smile, and winked.

"It's a surprise."