"You take a deep breath
And you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day..."
--
"Good Morning, Grade 7-Peace. Bring out your diaries and write these. You are already in Highschool, you are responsible enough to write, read, and be alert." our adviser said in her authoritative voice. Most of my classmates are bringing out their diaries so of course I also did it.
Fuck! Where did I put it?!
Kumunot ang noo ko nang mapagtantong wala akong diary na dala. Is it because the school didn't give me one? Or sadyang nakalimutan ko sa bahay? It's impossible for me to forget it because 3 weeks before the "first day" it is already settled! Oh my god! I'm freaking panicking!
As a crybaby, I can feel that my tears are ready to fell in my eyes. But I need to be strong enough, sabi nga ni Miss kanina we are responsible enough. But still! Hindi ko naman yata kasalanan na wala talagang diary na binigay yung school!
"Ugh.. paano 'to.. fuck..fuck.. fuck.." pagpapanick ko. I can see that most of my classmates have their what so-called diary while others do not have. Nabuhayan ako ng dugo!
"Uh.. miss? Are you crying?" tanong ng katabi ko. Punyeta! No! I am panicking!
"No.. I'm just finding my diary. I think I forgot it at home. Pero kasi it's impossible kasi 3 weeks before pasukan naka-ready na gamit ko.." nangingilid na yung luha ko sa mata while explaining my side to my seatmate.
"Don't worry about it, I think they forgot to gave us one." he said. "Sabay nalang tayo kumuha mamaya sa office," he smiled. Phew! Buti ang bait nito!
"Sige! I almost freak out and bawl my freaking eyes na e." I said. He giggled and raised his hands to let our adviser know na hindi lahat may diary.
Our adviser let us write in our white notebook instead. I think I already made a friend today. And that's a good news.
Knowing me, I am a type of person that isn't approachable at all. Most of the time kasi their first impression at me is masungit or di kaya maarte. But I can assure you na hindi. I'm just an awkward person that's super shy! So I'm having a hard time communicating with other people.
"I hope this year magkaroon na ako ng bestfriend..." I silently wished.
-- A Year After --
"Good morning, Grade 8 - Joy. I'm Sir Benjamin but you can also call me Sir Benj. Please fill up these forms regarding about your chosen extracurricular activity. Don't forget to fill up every single row." our adviser said. Nothing has changed. Halos lahat ng mga kaklase ko last year, kaklase ko nanaman noon.
It doesn't pressure me anymore about knowing my classmates kasi halos lima lang naman ang nadagdag. Still, wala parin akong matatawag na bestfriend ko. Ever since gusto ko na talaga magkaroon ng bestfriend, but as a shy girl I guess it'll be impossible.
"Hey, Tamara, right?" I heard my classmate called me. "Here's the paper, huwag ka na ulit umiyak ah." he pats my head while laughing.
He's a good friend of mine, siya nga rin yung kumausap sa'kin nung first day last year eh. Hindi pa nga lang kami close, but it's good having him as a friend.
"Thank you, Mason!" I smiled. Right after I filled up the forms pinasa ko na agad ito sa kaklase kong nasa likod ko.
"I hope this year magkaroon na ako ng bestfriend.." I wished silently.. again.
-- A Year After --
"Good morning, Grade 9 - Faith. Sadly, your original adviser is at the hospital giving labor to her 2nd child. I will be your substitute adviser for a while. I'm Miss Shiela. Sana huwag niyo ako bigyan ng sakit ng ulo kahit saglit lamang tayo magkakasama-sama." she smiled. She seemed to be a sweet and kind teacher. I like these types of lecturer, feel ko kasi napakadali lang nilang lapitan lalo na kapag may hindi ka naintindihan sa lesson nila.
Again, may finill-upan nanaman kaming forms for our extra-curricular activity. I always chose the guitar lessons kahit naman marunong na ako tumugtog. I don't know, I'm still scared to experience new things and go out of my safe space. Hindi kasi ako yung taong risk-taker. I hate risking kasi may 50% chance na it will go right yet may 50% din na hindi 'to mangyayari.
I'm scared to fail. Even though my parents don't pressure me that much in academics, I still wanted to be at the top para naman mabigyan ko ng kapalit yung pera na ginagastos nila sa'kin for my school. Nakakakonsensya kaya humarap sakanila ng mababa ang grades.
Last time na mababa 'yung graded ko, sobrang nanlumo ako. I don't want that to feel again, I feel like I'm a burden. Pinakamababa na grade na natanggap ko is 83 and I'm bawling my eyes out. Hindi naman nagalit ang Mommy at Daddy, they even cheered me up by going to Boracay! How can I say no? I'm so lucky to have them as my parents.
"Hey, Tamaraskie. Form oh," Mason said. Siya nanaman? Bakit ba tuwing first day siya nakakausap ko lagi?
"Ikaw nanaman, utang-uta na ako sa mukha mo," I jokingly said. Our friendship improved. Nakakapagbiruan na kami and hindi na awkward, buti naman!
Kaso mga 75% pa yung closeness namin. I don't know his secrets and he also don't know mine. And I guess hindi ko parin matatawag na mag-bestfriends kami.
"Ulol! Eto na oh!" inabot na niya agad sakin yung form and I filled up it quickly.
"I hope this year magkaroon na ako ng bestfriend..." I wished silently, again.
-- A Year After --
"Hay, Grade 10 na tayo agad?" Mason said. Magkatabi kami ngayong first day of school. I guess bestfriends na kami. Natupad din yung tatlong taon kong pagwiwish na sana magkaroon na ako ng bestfriend.
"Ayaw mo ba? Ipapa-repeat nalang kita kay Ma'am Jontis?" pagbibiro ko. Tumawa naman siya.
Ma'am Jona talaga pangalan nung adviser namin last year, 'yung hindi nakapasok nung first day kasi nagle-labor? Siya 'yon. And guess what? Buntis nanaman siya. Kaya ginawan nalang namin siya ng nickname and called her Ma'am Jontis.
"Sus! Sabi-sabi ka ng ganyan eh baka nga pag nagrepeat ako wala ka ng kausap dito sa room!" hinampas ko siya sa braso. Grabe naman kasi mang-insulto?
"Di wow! Mama mo dilaw!" asar ko pabalik. At doon na nagsimula ang harutan namin katulad ng dati. Dahil sa inis niya, sinulatan niya yung notebook ko ng kung ano-ano kaya naman gumanti ako. Aba! Lintik lang ang walang ganti!
Habang nag-aasaran kami, may biglang pumasok sa pintuan. New student siya, matangkad, moreno, matangos ilong, mapula yung labi, singkit ang mata.. I think I have a crush.
Napatitig ako sakaniya, he's too good to be true! Napatigil din pala ako sa pakikipagharutan kay Mason dahil sa pagpasok nitong pogi na 'to!
"Hi, is this Grade 10 - Grace?" he asked me. HE ASKED ME!?!?! My heartbeat raced and I don't know what to say. Parang nakalimutan ko magsalita nung nakita ko siya!
"Y-yes po," I uttered. Grabe! Nakakautal naman!
"Hala si ate girl," asar ni Mason sa'kin. "Baka matunaw ha," asar pa ulit nito. Hinampas ko tuloy braso niya at ngumiti kay Kuya Pogi.
"I think I'm in a right room," he said while looking at his schedule. May bakanteng upuan pa sa tabi ko kaya naman don na siya umupo. "Is it okay if I sit here?" he asked me again.
HE FREAKING ASKED ME AGAIN!!?!
"O-of course! Sige yours na ako," I said. Hindi ko naman alam na masasabi ko 'yon kaya naman agad ko tinakpan 'yung bibig ko.
"Ha?" he laughed.
"I mean, yours na 'yung upuan ako na bahala sa aagaw nyan sa'yo hehe," pagpapalusot ko. Kiniliti naman ako ni Mason na nasa kaliwang part ko. Nahampas ko ulit tuloy siya!
"Lover girl ah," he said.
This is my first time having a crush okay?! Kahit kailan wala akong na-kwento kay Mason na may crush ako. And siya naman syempre, sa itsura niyang ganon? Madami!
He's a joker plus he clearly has a look. I mean if hindi ko siya bff, baka may crush na rin ako sakanya. Pero ew! Kadiri isipin! And I guess 'yun din naman 'yung sasabihin niya kapag inisip niyang magkakagusto ako sakanya. He's a freaking playboy and ayokong ma-link sa mga manloloko.
