Under the train tracks.

Self harming

Agnieszka, come here for a moment.
My mother called down for me and i already knew that fucked up.
I went downstairs and sat down at the table
-what's going on?
My mother sat across from me
-we need to have a serious talk. She began.
My mind started racing to what i did or what did she could have found when she said that it's a 'serious' talk.
-Agnes.. She started talking.
Then she paused for a moment and after a while she stared talking again.
-Agnes. Are you hurting yourself?
When I heard this, I felt chills go down my spine
I knew that this would happen someday, but why today?
I didnt say a word. I just sat there frozen form shock and fear of what would happend if I told her the truth, but my thoughts were interrupted by my mother who started to talk again
- are u going to Answer? I asked you something, Agnieszka.
This time she sounded more angry, more upset.
-No, I don't cut myself. Where did u get this idea from?!
I got really upset about this But we both knew it was true and I couldn't hide it anymore.
-you have been Wearing long-sleeved shirts for 2 months and it's the middle of summer?! My mother began talking again.
-I went though your room. My mother said again
-what..?
I asked not believing what I've just heard
-I was worried about you.
-How could you?.. thats is my room!
I got really pissed off at my mum.
- I was just worried about you, I did what every good mother would do and I have no regrets. She said in a confident tone
Before i could even say anything she stared talking.
-But can you explain this?
She took aut a trash bag and started taking out my bloody tissues a knife and cigarettes out of the bag
-Oh fuck...
- yeah  "oh fuck" what is this? She asked again with a more of a serious tone.
At this point i dont know what to do, Should i run away? Go Hide in my room? Tell her the truth? Cry and ask for forgiveness? I just sat there in disbelief of what if happening.
But my thoughts were interrupted by my mother's chatter.
-I saw your hands, they're all cut up. You didn't cover them because you thought everyone was asleep last night when u went out to the kitchen in a short sleeved shirt?
I started to cry, I couldn't control it. What else was i supposed to do anyway?
-What? Are you going to cry now? Tomorrow we're going to a psychologist and maybe they will finally lock you up.
My mother got up from the table and started walking towards the kitchen but then she stopped when she heard me say something underneath my nose.
- I hate you..
I said through clenched teeth
She stopped and she turned to face me.
-what did u say?
- I can't stand you, you never listen to me and you don't give a damn about me!
I shouted at my mother, she was surprised because i had never done something like that, but before she could say anything, I ran into my room, locked the door behind me, and I turned on my headphones so i dont need to listen o my mother's complaint about how much she hated me.
I grabbed a box and opened it and took out my blade .

-Agnes