Forget Me Not

Secretly in love

Prologue~

I waited at our usual "meet up" place, which was this clearing and beautiful lake we accidentally discovered while playing hide and seek when we were younger. I sighed and looked at my reflection in the water. There looking back at me sat an anxious dirty blonde and blue eye girl. She looks sad. Miserable in fact. Afraid. Afraid was a good word to describe her emotion right now. But not the 'oh, I think there's an stalker in my closet' afraid. No, this girl looking back at me is afraid that everything she adored so much would be taken away from her in only a blink of an eye. Of course things has been taken away from her in her life. But this one particular thing can't go. It can't just walk out of her life.. She won't allow it. But just in case it does slip from her grasp, she'll know that it was her fault. It was entirely her to blame. My fault,my blame.

I knew if I didn't do this today I'll have to risk seeing him with different girls. Girls stealing laughs from him. Those laughs belong to me. I smiled at the thought of him laughing again because of me. The way he snort that cute little chuckle of his I find so adorable and how his nose scrunch up and his eyes twinkle in delight. His hard face and sharp jaw show that puberty really tooken a toll on him. And those lips.... I would be lying if I said haven't thought about how his firm looking lips would feel against mine. Just looking at him made me weak at the knees. I wanted to be able to wake up to him every morning in my bed and go to bed just staring at his sensible face. I wanted to be the one to have that all to myself. So what? I being a little selfish. But who can blame for protecting him from possible heartache that those tramps, I always see him with, could cause. He needed a real woman to love him the way he deserves and I can be that. I can be the one to love unconditionally.

Suddenly, I heard rustling behind from where I sat. My heart alliterated and I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. The loud thumping of my heart pounded in my ears soon making it slightly painful. Then he emerged. "Hey Jess." He smiled at me. "You wanted to meet up, right? What's wrong?" I stood up from my rock I was currently sitting on towards where he stood. Well here goes nothing. "Um I actually wanted to tell you something I've been keeping in for a while now but the thing is I don't know how you'll react to it well I have a guess but I want to believe that you won't go running off and hating me, Jayden please just promise me you won't go off hating me. Okay? I don't think I can take-" he held up a finger to silence my obvious rambling. My breathe hitched as he placed his soft huge hands on my chin cupping it. "Now why would you say something so idiotic as that? You know I can't ever hate you, you mean too much to me." He smiled and ruffled my hair. Let's hope your right about that.

His big hands slipped from my chin and laid comfortably on my boney arms. "So what's up?" A few moments passed by without me talking and not knowing how to tell him about my feelings. "Jessica?" Oh fuck it! "Jayden..." He nodded his head signaling me to go on. "I.... Love.... You..." He smiled showing his pearly and slightly crooked white teeth. "I love you too." And for a minute there I actually felt giddy... Until he ruined it. "I mean of course I love you. Your like a little sister to me only of course if you count that little monster living in my house" he chuckled. I shook my head.. he didn't understand. Usually I would be fond over his laughter but a frown graced my face instead. "No Jay, I love you but not in the way your thinking. I love you on a level more than brother and sister based" I took a deep breath. "I'm in love with you, Jayden. And I have been for quite a while now." I refuse to look up at him and see the reaction I caused by my confession.

His hands tighten around my arms in a angry grip. I snapped my head up to be greeted with his blazed over forest green eyes. His grip tighten even more enough to make me squirm as we continue to stare at each other. "The feeling isn't mutual." And just like that he left. Not saying nothing more nothing less. He just left me. Standing here all alone. I knew before the damage was done that not only was this the end of our friendship but also my one and only true love, corny I know but full honesty. And to think it was all because I was in love with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Days. Weeks. Months passed and still no word from him. I must've left over a thousand voicemails and text messages but I don't get a reply back. When I visit his house his mom would make up some dumb excuse like "he can't come to the door he has a high temperature" or " he's in the bed and I don't want to wake him. I'm sorry but can you come back later I don't think it's the best time." When in code it means he doesn't want to speak to me.

Sometimes I would go to his house when his mother was on shift on her nursing job at the hospital. I knew all her hours so I knew when to go up and knock on the door. "Who is it?" He would answer. I just wanted to hear his voice, see his face again. But I knew if if I even muster up my name there would be no attempt in opening the door, so I leave. Simple as that. Welcome to my pathetic life. What would you do when your best friend decides to hate you. Go to your love right? Well too bad that they both turn out to be the same person. And both don't want nothing to do with me.

In time, finals were coming up and I needed to focus so I could get into a good college. Yep, you guessed it! I eventually had to give up on Jayden and yes I moved on. I have other friends and there's plenty fish in the sea. But don't think that just because I've moved on doesn't mean I want to jump back in a relationship after only a few months. Looking back now I don't know why I would hold on to him like that when there wasn't no hope to begin with. Plus it was just one of those stupid high school crush. They come and go then to be forgotten. Nothing more nothing less. Right?

What ever happened to us. I didn't like this point in my life. I liked it better when things were A okay. I liked it better when I wasn't feeling so freaking depressed. I liked it better when I still had my best friend...