When I Let You Through My Wall.

The Day I Got Lost

What is death?

Getting lost, so that ALL the mortal atoms of your body vanish and disintegrate into soil.

What about the soul? More scientifically speaking ,what about all the energy coming from the atoms which disintegrate. Energy does not vanish right! I mean I hope you studied Law of Conservation of Energy.

Well yea all poets living give us the divine opinion(which most of you follow)that "After someone dies their soul continues to live in other people's heart for ever and ever. Well its so not me. Well its only energy ,it gets transformed .Its like if someone close to you dies you would miss them and maybe reading this line would send a pang through your heart, but again after few years or maybe even months this pangfull memory will erase from your mind.All you would remember is sometimes in the past you did have this person ,and have had beautiful memories with him/her. And in the mean time even the memories will fade ,leaving you with nothing but the cruel epiphany that you had finally let the person who deserved so much get lost in oblivion just because he/she is dead now.

Yea the universe is cruel like,both literally and practically.You see,take a star ; say sun for an example.

How it is the main source of life on earth,and how it lets us enjoy life.Some billions of years later,a evil black hole will start forming which will eat up the sun all too slowly,and whose gravitational pull would be so high that it would even suck in the light which used to create somuch life on earth.But yea there is beauty even in it right ,otherwise maybe someday the sun would start thinking that its all powerful and destroy us. Either way we get destroyed.

As its not a science fiction book lets get back to the stream.

...

Typing it I let a sigh whispering "God I really think too much ,no doubt I can never finish a story." Okay back on typing...

So the only feeling that lets us live, countering the realizations of our cruelty towards people and life, is love. The only hope, which even after you loose all, you still have the courage to continue the search for it.

Saying this I fell back to bed leaving my pc on. "okay I'm done". I'm such a bad writer! I just got in the love topic and I give up again because my never stopping urge to get online overcame my imaginations again.

Ever since I logged in facebook ,I started drifting towards it,somuch,that even my computer games were being left idle.

Hiding from my parents,I again started talking with him.

Vicky Wren.

Even writing his name makes my smile like an A-Grade idiot.You can say he is like the first boy I ever properly talked to,the other two just being my cousin and another; a random girlfriend-seeking-freakhead.

He was the first decent one yea. We barely caught up chatting,but one day without talking felt like a depression hole . Ever since I laid my eyes on his display picture while swapping through the suggested friends, I just got stuck up to him.I do not know how, before even talking to him or seeing his name ; I knew I needed him for me.And all my mature thinking ability,or warnings from my mother ,never crossed my mind.And the whole wall that I tried to put up against boys by maintaining a good A.M.S.(Anti-Men-Syndrome) went crashing down.

There was a magnet in that picture I swear,cause whichever ,whatever type of boys I talked to after that day,no one could compete him in my likings.

So I beamed to see him online and started a conversation,to which after some texts he said.

Vicky: Why don't you have any pictures? I really wanna see you.

Myself:Yea I would be uploading one soon.

Vicky: Can't wait to see you. ;)

And that line made my face flush red.Yea I am very shy too much.I generally am not like this well I know it will get some time to get free, I thought .

So I uploaded fast.Like not really fast I had to click like 20 pictures from all different angles and got a presentable first look.

Vicky: I did not know you looked so beautiful!

And after that I knew he loved me.

Damn it was so cliché but it did not occur to me ever.I just believed him too much,and yea oviously I did not have any experience with boys afterall.