Take A Walk In My Skin

Chapter 11

     Emma's POV

     Emma Watson, with tears about to leak from her eyes and a voice about to creak in disguise, couldn't have said it any better herself during an interview; "no one should ever feel like they're not included. No one should ever get the sense they're unwelcome or uninvited to something. It's a painful, awful thing to do to someone else."

     As I would have to agree with her, as much as you wouldn't want something to be done to you, why would you do it to someone else? Loneliness has a death toll, and you don't want to add to its list. And regardless of what loneliness becomes of death, I had to do it...stand him up. I couldn't let Blake discover my secret.

      For my sake and for his and Liam's, I had to remain their dog, only to shift to a human when I'd have to present myself to Raphael with new information. I just couldn't let Blake ever see me and suffer the consequences.

       Consequently, I concluded in my head he would never be able to cope with what's beneath my skin, he would never be able to coexist with someone who's likely to betray him, so I had to miss out on the steak dinner. I couldn't play both Emma and Queen at once...how would it ever work?

      Missing out on what I thought would be such a smart opportunity to get to know someone, to play the good soldier I was brought up to be but secretly wanting to cry inside, I ended up spending the rest of the night not really missing out on the date after all with him, did I?

Meanwhile, I was there the whole time. I watched the whole thing. He just never knew it was me.

      He still cooked the steaks, watching over them; savory and salivating with joy from the grill outside.

       I cherished the skies a bit more tonight than I ever did in a really long time. Amazed, I could look up and be somewhere else for a little while.

Once Liam came home from school and dropped his bags off in his room, they sat down at a wobbly wooden picnic table.

"How was teaching to students?" Liam asked.

"How was studenting to teachers?" Blake asked.

The questions caused an outburst of laughter between the two of them as they ate together, seemingly happy gazing at the same glowing stars I was.

"Maybe next time she will come over. Maybe tonight she was busy," Liam, ever the optimist, suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," Blake said, smiling broadly as he hid back the sadness.

And just the thought of all of that being my life bothered me. It wasn't supposed to be like this... I wasn't supposed to be here. I wanted to go to college for nursing, venture off into the unknown that wasn't the state of New Mexico, and experience something extraordinary for myself. I didn't want to be tied down... This wasn't at all part of my plan to get away from reality.

This family, this mission, had to be done. I had to go back to barely knowing Blake; I'd have to pretend. I had to go back to seeing this as an assignment given to me. A task that I must complete. I couldn't mistake it for being anything else.

        When dinner ended, they arranged themselves in their respective rooms and I made myself comfy again on the couch for yet another night of no sleep.

I wish they both knew. I wish I could tell them and they both could accept me. I wish we could escape from this and make it all go away... not that anything really goes away, it just builds itself up until it breaks down and spits out your baggage. But, I think that's why I hate so much that I'm condemning Blake and his son to this life; I didn't even want it.