i know i promised myself i would never hurt myself but it hurts so bad. I trust people so easily even though i know they will let me down. I feel like if i complain for even a single second im ungrateful and it feels like every time i try to voice my opinion it turns into a argument. Everyone calls me stubborn because i like to elaborate on my point but really i just overshare because i dont tell anyone whats wrong until it bubbles up and is about to explode. I feel this deep hatred for my mom and brother and it physically pains me. It hurts me because i cant hate them for what they did and still do. I feel so mentally and physically drained. I feel ungrateful because i have so much good in my life but i keep focusing on the bad. I feel like i cant trust anybody because they'll call me crazy or stupid. Its so hard to get through the day without wanting to hurt myself. I cant even walk down the sidewalk without wanting to walk in the street and get hit. But i dont want to tell anybody because im scared of what happens after i say something. Ive lost so many people to stupid stuff and it hurts so much. I feel like im drowning and no one can save me. Everything hurts so much even being numb hurts. I feel like someone is carving my heart into pieces and it hurts so much. It feels like someone is stealing all the joy from my life and no matter how hard i try i cant stop them.
