"WHERE WERE YOU!"
I didn't feel like answering him. I neither had the courage nor the will to reply. Nothing mattered right now... why wouldn't he leave?
"ANSWER! I WAS SO WORRIED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? YOU IDIOT." Why wouldn't he take the hint and shut up...?
Why wouldn't he leave me alone for once??
Why does he care so much? Isn't he living in his fairytale reality. Perfect parents, perfect home and a perfect circle of friends. I envy him, doesn't he get it? I look up to him, he's my sunlight, but right now it's giving me a sunburn.
I felt something warm against me... his arms. A part of me wanted to hug him back and shroud myself in the light and solace he brought me. He was so warm it was overwhelming. But the other side of my thoughts got the better of me;
"GET LOST"
Even an idiot could tell he was startled. He was a meter apart from me now, still letting the shock sink in. And those eyes of his, they looked so...broken. I couldn't bear it, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.
"Y-yuki?!" He sounded uncertain because from what I remember this was the first time I'd raise my voice like that, spoken like that in front of him. Even though we had been friends for 'oh so incredibly long' he still didn't know about my life, my parents, my conditions.
My face started heating up. Oh shit! He'd seen me cry. I bought my palm to my face as if it would be of any help. Oh yeah all those traces of tears and snot they'd just magically disappear. I hated myself. I always caused him trouble, honestly how embarrassing... At this point he was less of a friend to me and more of my therapist. Why couldn't I just dig a deep hole and bury myself in it, I would even be ok with choking on my own spit. Uuughhh...
"Yuuuuuukiiii", he said it in that sing songy voice of his. My name sounded so sweet from his mouth. His lips extending each and every alphabet. I couldn't help it, and before I could silence myself a giggle escaped my mouth. To an observer I would have looked completely insane and out of my mind; teary eyed and giggling like a 2 year old.
Laughter is addictive as they say. And just like that we were a laughing mess. All those tears and this addictive laughter left me sick in the stomach. WHAT?! I just felt unnaturally floaty and giddy, don't blame me!!!
He took my hands in his, whispering my name over and over again to me as if it was some sort of good luck charm. His palm gently rubbing of the tears from my cheeks as I laughed like a madman. That's why we were the bestest of friends, two idiots who'd still be giggling at the end of the world. I felt at ...home, in his presence. Finally, I mustered up the courage and looked at him dead in the eye,
"Stuff at home- I mean with my parents... it's hard-"
"Shhh", he silenced me with a palm to my mouth, it felt warm against my skin, it left my face a burning hot mess. "You don't have to say anything or to explain anything, until you are ready to open up, ok?"
Why was he like that?
Just one look from him and I melt away.
That was the first day...
The first time-
That I was confused by the beating of my own heart.
