The Birthmark.

Lost in thought.

I'm not so sure I want to be proposed to. I love the idea of getting married, but everyone is married, I want to be something else, not girlfriend, not a wife. I'm not sure what it is that I want, I just know I want something different. My sister has always known what she has wanted, a husband, two children one girl, one boy, living in a just above average house in a quiet little neighbourhood. I never have and, most likely, never will understand what amazed her by the thought of just settling down. I want excitement. Adventure. I think about leaving all the time. I'm not sure I would miss anyone, if I just up and left. I've come to terms with, and adapted to leaving people. I think about my Nan and my Grampa sometimes, they have been gone a while now. The thoughts I have of them are not sad thoughts, no tears are involved, just thoughts. My Grampa was a year older than my Nan, so naturally he was supposed to have left us a year before her. I imagined how sad it must have made her knowing she would have had a whole year on her own without him. They were truly in love, most people marry these days just so they don't have to face the chaos alone. My Nan and Grampa were real, they breathed for each other, I have longed to share that feeling with someone. Maybe that's why she intransenced. She couldn't bear to have to breathe without him.

When my Nan first spoke about the idea to intransence I was only 12 at the time, clueless to the brutal realities that exist within the city. My mother explained about my great Uncle Mick intransencing when she was younger. Apparently he wasn't a happy person, he complained a lot and he was always dissatisfied with what Blandarious has to offer. I still don't know much more than what my mother told me, not many people enjoy speaking of it. You have to send a letter of request to the Chancellor of the city. If you have been accepted, you get given a date to go to the west wing, where the intransencing takes place. The room has dimmed lights, mother said it was to settle the patient so they are calm and relaxed, but I imagine it is probably so the person who does it for you doesn't have to stare at your face lit up as you take your last breath. She told me how it smells of disinfectant so strong that it alone is enough to kill you. The Carer (ironic that a Carer does the job of stopping someone's heart when they are meant to aid to keep it alive) inserts a thick lime-green liquid into your Brachial vein so it quickly flows through the blood stream and paralyses your whole body, causing your heart and brain to just stop working. I get the most heart wrenching thought whenever I think about it paralysing my body, what if your soul is still alive inside and you are just stuck in a lifeless body. It scares me to even think about it, my Nan must have been hurting to make that decision. I could never do it myself, I could not imagine choosing to die for anyone. Not in the way my Nan did anyway.

My Grandparents were good people, but here it doesn't matter how good you are anymore. Just whether you are fit enough to farm, or smart enough to work higher up in the New Crane buildings. Once people reach the age of 65 they get neutralised. That's just the way things are here. That's the way things need to be. If not, there would be no room for improvement, or survival.

"Imogen!" a hiss comes from behind me. "Imogen! Stop fooling around, we have to move quickly."

For a moment I lost trail of thought. I place my Nan's wedding ring carefully back in the pocket on the sleeve of my jacket, pull at the small black fabric and zip it back shut. I wasn't meant to keep the ring, but my Nan gave it to me the day she left. I stare blankly at the rest of the squad momentarily. I need to keep focused on the real reason why the six of us are standing at the foot of the New Crane buildings, with guns resting on our shoulders. There has been an attack. Well that is what we are told, although there hasn't been an attack in centuries. Not a real one at least. Numerous people from the Valiant squad have been summoned to these fake attack cries for years, being trained in case there ever were to be a real invasion on Blandarious.