Summary: You knew what you were in for when you started dating the world-renowned pop-star, but you'd underestimated the feeling of inferiority that would come with it.
Warnings: N/A
No matter how hard you'd tried to, you couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling that had settled in your stomach over the past few weeks.
You had always prided yourself for your laid-back nature, but as of lately, you'd been feeling neglected. The millions of people thirsting over your girlfriend wasn't doing you any favors either.
You'd known what to expect, dating a world-renowned popstar. You'd known what being in a relationship with her came with. Rest assured, she'd always made clear that she was no better than you in any way, but that was hard to believe when she was earning millions a night whilst you were rotting away in your bedroom, watching another rerun of Gilmore Girls.
You knew you shouldn't be. You should've been happier by now. Healthier. When you'd first started dating Taylor, you felt at the top of the world. But even then, the slight feeling of inferiority crept in. You'd never say anything about it. How could you? And even if you did, what could she do about it? You knew she wasn't about the end her entire career for you, and you didn't expect her to. There was no balance in your relationship, no matter how hard you tried. You'd always the the inferior one, the weaker one, the mundane one.
Which was exactly why you hadn't made your relationship with her public. The backlash would've been ruthless, and you couldn't put Taylor through that. You'd been the one to make that decision, but the way she'd agreed to it just a little too excitedly still lingered in the back of your mind.
No.
You weren't doing this again.
With a reluctant groan, you slipped out of your bedsheets and drew open the blinds. You were immediately met with the sun's unwelcoming gaze.
You stumbled back, just managing to catch yourself on the corner of your bedside table. The sharp corner jabbed into your skin, pain shooting up your bone.
A small wince escaped your throat as you instinctively jumped away. You could feel the blood pooling around your wound, but you couldn't bother to clean it up. It's not like there was anyone around to impress, anyways.
You could practically hear Taylor gently admonishing you inside your head. Handling you like you were going to break at any second.
You cringed at the thought, pushing it to the back of your mind. Instead, you directed your attention to Meredith.
"What shall we do today, hm?" you asked, sliding open your closet door. "Go to the mall? Go on a run?"
You swiveled around, only to be met with an unamused set of blue eyes.
"Come on, Mere," you groaned. "You're really not helping here at all."
Instead of acknowledging you, she chose to march off instead, leaving you to decide on today's activities by yourself.
A ping! noise vibrated off your phone, distracting you from the incredibly difficult task of choosing an outfit to wear today. Your eyes lit up at the sight of the name on your screen.
Taylor: Hey babe, I'll probably be here in around ten minutes. Can't wait to see you!
Your brows furrowed, confusion overtaking your features. It was only until you spotted the date on your lockscreen that you finally remembered.
"Shit," you groaned.
You'd forgotten that your girlfriend was coming back home today.
-
After what seemed like hours of mindless panicking, you'd finally managed to calm down. You'd gotten the blood off the nightstand, and had managed to tidy up the bedroom. All you had to do now was wait.
You'd changed into a floral sundress and had done your skincare for what was probably the first time in months. You'd quickly whipped up a batch of cookies, which were baking in the oven. For someone who was spiraling just an hour ago, you cleaned up pretty nice. You were just hoping that your girlfriend would fall for the illusion.
Just as it seemed like she was never coming, the door creaked open. Your eyes widening in excitement, you ran towards the entrance, a smile plastered on your face.
"Taylor!" you yelled, embracing your girlfriend in a tight hug. The blonde popstar laughed, placing down her bags.
"Hey, baby girl," she said, kissing you on the forehead.
"I missed you," you whispered, practically melting into her.
"I missed you too, baby, so much."
Finally, you pulled away, watching as Taylor got settled back in.
"How long are you staying for?" you quipped.
She sighed, hanging her coat by the doorway. "Just for a few days. I have to be in Los Angeles soon."
You tried your best to hide the disappointment in your voice. "Oh. Well, it's great to have you back."
Taylor barely acknowledged your comment, instead turning towards the oven.
"Oh! You're making cookies," she exclaimed in delight. "Can't wait to try them."
You gave her a small smile, before following her up to your bedroom suite.
You're like a lost puppy.
You grimaced at the voice in your head, the same voice that had haunted every dream of yours for the past few months. You'd tried to shrug it off at first, but the more you tried to ignore it, the louder it got.
"Babe? Are you listening?"
Taylor's voice jolted you out of your train of thought, her cerulean eyes boring into yours.
"Yeah," you answered shakily, forcing a smile back onto your face.
You could practically feel the atmosphere drop. The look in your girlfriend's eyes told you everything you needed to know.
"Y/N..."
"I'm fine," you snapped, turning away from her. You couldn't bear to look her in the eyes right now. You couldn't face the same soft-spoken words, the way she'd coerce you into her arms again.
"You're not fine. What happened, baby?"
You hated it. You hated when she talked to you like this. You didn't know why this was such a trigger for you, but you knew that you didn't like it.
Yet then again, it was exactly what you needed. A push. You'd been growing distant, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Taylor. She had only come back for one reason, after all.
"You can tell me. I'm here to listen."
That was the final nail in the coffin. You could feel the tears burning in the back of your eyes, the red flush returning to your cheeks.
"I just missed you, that's all," you rasped, but even you didn't believe yourself this time.
You could feel Taylor's fingers glide over your jaw, gently forcing it upwards so that you were facing her.
"I love you," she husked. "You know that, right?"
The silence that followed confirmed her suspicions.
"Oh, baby girl," she sighed, her hand finding it's way around the back of your head. She pulled you closer, your face just inches above her breasts. "You can let go. I'm here."
With a final, shaky breath, you relented, letting go of your body. Taylor led you towards the bed, pulling you up onto her lap.
"Everything's going to be okay," she murmured, running her fingers through your hair.
And just for one moment, with your head on her lap and her calloused hands delicately caressing your skin, you truly did believe her.
