Smiling Depression

CHAPTER 9

As the ambulance disappeared into the night, the crowd lingered for a moment, their hearts full of sorrow. The crowd began to break apart, like waves lapping at the shore. They drifted away, one by one, their hearts heavy with sadness and grief.
Preye stood like a statue, motionless and silent, as the ambulance drove away. She saw the red and blue lights fading into the darkness, like a distant star disappearing over the horizon. She heard the sound of the engine fading into the night, a soft hum that gradually became inaudible. The air was still, without even a whisper of wind. All she could smell was the faint scent of antiseptic, carried on the breeze. And as she stood there, rooted to the spot, she felt the cold air on her skin, like a thousand tiny needles pricking her flesh. She couldn't escape the feeling of being adrift, a ship without a rudder, lost at sea. She closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up, but the darkness only deepened.
She felt as if she were caught in a bubble of grief, a space where time had stopped and the world had been drained of color. It was as if she had entered a dreamlike state, a place where reality had ceased to exist. And yet, there was a sharpness to it all, a clarity that felt almost surreal. It was as if the world had become a strange, distorted reflection of itself. And as she stood there, she felt suspended between two worlds, neither fully in one nor the other.
Her world was draped in gloom, a veil of melancholy that shrouded everything in darkness. The air was thick with despair, a heavy mist that clung to every surface. The sky was a bleak canvas, painted in shades of gray. And the trees stood silent, their branches like blackened claws against the sky. All around, all was still and quiet, as if the very earth held its breath.
Her mind was flooded with memories, she felt herself transported back in time, to a place where the landmark was alive with laughter and love. Her mind replayed the memory over and over, like a broken record, a single image on repeat. His face remained fixed in her memory, his smile as radiant as ever, a beacon of hope and happiness. The sound of his soft, soothing voice, a gentle whisper that soothed her soul, flashed back into her head.  And in that moment, Preye felt the tears welling up, threatening to spill over, to break through the dam that held them back. She fought to hold them in, to keep herself strong, but it was a losing battle. And then, the floodgates opened, and the tears came pouring out, like a waterfall cascading down her cheeks. They were hot and wet, falling in great waves, washing over her, soaking her soul. She let them fall, unable to stop them, unable to hold them back any longer. And as they fell, they carried with them her grief, her sorrow, and her pain.
As the tears continued to fall, so too did the regrets, like leaves falling from a tree in autumn. She thought of the million questions she wished she'd asked, the answers she'll never know. She wished she'd seen the world through his eyes, could have understood his mind, his heart. She wishes she could have reached out a hand, could have broken down his walls. But she couldn't see the truth, couldn't understand the pain. Now, she looks back and sees it all, the pieces falling into place.
She regretted leaving him behind, alone in the landmark, a world away from her. She regretted not being there when he needed her, when his world fell apart. She regretted the silence that filled the space, the words that went unsaid. She regretted not seeing the warning signs, the subtle hints he'd given.
She regretted the selfishness of her love, that it had only been about her own needs. She regretted that she only wanted him for herself, without caring about his own troubles. She regretted that she never noticed the pain in his eyes, the sorrow that he couldn't hide. She regretted that she'd never asked about his life, never tried to understand his pain. She regretted that she'd been so focused on herself, not realizing the cost of her demands.
The weight of her regrets was crushing her, leaving her empty and exhausted. Her emotions were spent, her strength drained away. Her thoughts were muddled, her mind clouded with remorse. Her body was weary, her limbs heavy and slow. She felt like a shadow of herself, a husk of who she used to be. It was as if she'd been hollowed out, her insides scraped away, leaving only regret and sorrow.
Her heart was aching, a hole where happiness once was. Her soul was empty, a void that could not be filled. Her emotions were raw, jagged and exposed. She was consumed by regret, swallowed up by sadness. Her grief was a tidal wave, crashing over her again and again. It was an endless cycle, a spiral of despair.
Time seemed to stretch on endlessly, the minutes ticking by, without her noticing. The sun sank below the horizon, the sky turning dark and cold. She just stood there, frozen in time, her thoughts swirling like a storm. She was rooted to the spot, a statue carved from grief.
The night brought back memories, like ghosts emerging from the shadows. She remembered the stars, shining above them on the landmark. She remembered the touch of his hand, warm and comforting, like a blanket on a cold night. She remembered his eyes, the way they shone with love and understanding. And she remembered his voice, soft and soothing, like a caress on her soul. His words had been a balm, a healing salve for her wounded heart. And now, those memories were a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.
She trudged back to the landmark, her steps slow and heavy, her heart laden with sorrow. And as she approached, she saw not the landmark itself, but a memory, a ghost of a moment past. She saw the way it had been, the way it would never be again.
The ghosts of regrets haunt her soul, whispering in her ear, filling her with sorrow. The memories of that day come rushing back, the pain like a knife in her heart. She walks the same path, but it's a different world, the light gone from it. She wishes she could turn back time, could change the ending of that story. But the pages have been written, the ink dried, her fate sealed forevermore.
Her heart ached, a dull throbbing pain that wouldn't go away. Her eyes were heavy, weighed down by tears unshed. Her shoulders slumped, her body hunched in defeat. Her breath came in shallow gasps, her lungs refusing to fill. And she felt a deep and abiding sadness, a grief that was all-consuming, an emptiness that could not be filled. It was a sorrow that was bone-deep, a pain that was unending.