Whats hidden behind the shadows

chapter 4

TW: self harm

Kuroko was walking to school, to be honest, he looked like a corpse. His skin was even more pale than it was before, he had dark eye bags and his posture was a bit off, due to the uncomfortable position he slept in.

He sighed as he walked to school, he was feeling extra grumpy today, he decided to keep his presence low because he could not handle kise's energy right now.

he made it to school without collapsing out of exhaustion, which probably would not happen but he feels like he could any moment. And as he got to his locker he noticed that Akashi was standing right infront of it.

"Oh, akashi-kun goodmorning. Excuse me, but you're kind of in front of my locker and i cannot access it." He said bluntly

"Goodmorning to you too, actually I am aware that this is your locker. May i have a word with you?" Akashi said as he unfolded his arms and moved away.

"Sure, about what?" Kuroko asked while he opened his locker and got some books out of it.

"Have you got the money for the training camp yet?"

Kuroko froze. He totally forgot, oh shit what now.

"Um, no actually, I forgot.." kuroko mumbled

Akashi prepared himself for his next sentence

"You know, I can pay it for you if you want? I know you never accept any money from any of us but just this once i-" akashi got cut off quickly

"No, thank you. I'll just have to skip this training camp I guess. It's no problem, besides I'll probably just be a bother.." kuroko said as he walked away, not expecting akashi to follow him quickly

"Kuroko please, we all want you there, you are definitely not a bother. Aomine plays way better when you are on the court with him, actually we all are. You motivate us, and I know how badly you want to go. What if I just loan you the money? Then you can pay me back whenever you want, you don't have to pay back at all ofcourse but if it makes you feel better"

Kuroko stopped, he thought for a second, then he made up his mind, he bowed and then stood to face akashi

"Thank you very much, I will pay you back by the end of the month." He said politely.

Akashi smiled and took an envelope out of his pocket, gave it to kuroko and then walked to his class with a warm feeling in his chest.

*at the end of practice, everyone was cleaning up and stuff*

"Kurokocchi!! Is your house cleaned up yet?" Kise said excitedly as he walked to his blue haired friend. "We really want to see your house!"

"Uh.." kuroko was thinking, he really did want to invite his friends, but he couldn't. He loved his friends and deep down he knew they wouldn't leave him for such a reason but he did not want them to look at him any different.

"I'm sorry but my mother has company over so we won't be able to go to my house." Kuroko said while looking at the ground, he really hated lying to his friends.

"Wait but we can just hang in your room right?" Aomine suggested

"No, sorry." Kuroko said as he was slowly starting to get nervous.

"Kuroko, why do you not want us to go to your house?" Akashis said to top it all off, at this point kuroko's breath began to be shaky, his hands were fidgety and he avoided looking anyone in the eye.

"T-that's not true, would you excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." He mumbled as he tried to get away.

"Kuroko, please realise that we are here for you. You can be honest with us, okay?" Akashi tried but it was no use, their shadow was as stubborn as ever.

"I do not need help Akashi-kun. Thanks anyway." Were his last words before disappearing into the bathroom stalls yet again.

As soon as he got in a stall and locked it crashed on the ground, he leaned against the wall and just stared. He didn't cry, he just stared blankly at a wall and rocked his body back and forth. He was fidgeting with his hands and his breath was still shaky, he tried to calm down, he really didn't want to harm himself anymore so all he had to do right now is calm down..

Those thoughts only made everything worse, he's so close to a full on panic attack right now. He took his wrist bands off and started scratching his wrists again but it didn't satisfy him, he needed more. He lied to all his friends, he had to punish himself for this. He tried to find anything that's sharp enough to cut with, he searched but couldn't find anything.

He then bit a tiny part of his nail to make a sharp edge and tried to cut with the nail, it succeeded a bit. He scratched it to make it worse. It didn't completely satisfy him but it was enough to get through the day, he'd have to try more tonight, now his only concern was to get back into the gym like nothing happened.

He walked out, washed his arms, pulled his sleeves down and washed his face. He checked to see how he looked one last time and walked out of there, right before he could someone walked in and he bumped into him, causing him to lose his balance and fall on his butt.

"Ah sorry my bad! Wait.. Kuroko? Shouldn't you be in practice! What are you doing here?" Nijimura said as he helped kuroko up

"Sorry Nijimura-senpai, i just had to use the restroom quickly." Kuroko said as he bowed.

"No worries, are you okay though? You look very tired." His captain voiced his concerns.

"Im fine, thank you." he mumbled as he slipped past Nijimura and walked back to the gym.

Nijimura was confused to why his underclassmen would lie to him, but then shrugged it off. He had been dealing with his own personal problems that he wouldn't want to share so he understood.

Kuroko walked back to the gym to see the GOM be as chaotic as ever, he had a weird feeling in his stomach, he felt happy? He wasn't sure, but he did know that he had to be grateful of these moments, it won't be long until they all find out about his stupid past and might stop being friends with him or start seeing him as even weaker.

He couldn't stand it, those pitiful looks he got from the people that knew his past. He just wanted to be known as Kuroko Tetsuya, the guy that likes basketball. That's all, he didn't want some sad story to be his entire personality.

Kuroko's thoughts got interrupted by a certain blonde who seemed upset.

"Sorry kurokocchi about pressuring you~! I just want to get to know you better! But I realise you have your boundaries." He said as he bowed

Kuroko ruffled his hair and chuckled.

"No worries Kise-kun, you dont have to bow, I understand." Kuroko said calmly as Kise stood up from his bow. Then kise pulled him in for one of his suffocating hugs.