el segador (CoD MW2 Oneshots)

Simon 'ghost' Riley: someone you loved, Bruises part 2

warnings: angst with no comfort, people (2) die in here lol, 1363 words, description of death, brief mention of killing(?), no use of y/n, They/Them pronounce used

I′m going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

he had you back, yet he didnt. you were there but so far away. he had you physically but mentally you remained gone. the Simon he once was was still buried away, his guard high up again. you were lying there, still motionless, he was sitting there, still numb. he would always be without you, at least to the outside. in reality, he was drowning in pain but he didnt let anyone see. never again.

I need somebody to heal, somebody to know

Somebody to have, somebody to hold

It′s easy to say, but it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

you helped numb his pain, helped him heal and now you were the cause of his pain. you were his rock, his shoulder to cry on but now you were gone. not physically, no, you were there, in the hospital bed across from him. They had found you but you were long gone. 638 days. that is how long he didnt see you, didnt smell you, didnt feel you, hold you. the you that he knew was gone, mere pieces remaining somewhere under all the bruises, under the blood, under the trauma. god, he hated himself for leaving you for almost 2 years. somewhere deep inside he also hated you, for making it so easy to love you.

Now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it had been 2 days since you got into the Hospital, and still no sign that you were gonna wake up. Simon was losing hope all over again, losing himself to alcohol and self-pity. drowning like he did when you were gone. he didnt know when night began and day ended, didnt leave your side for one minute scared that if he did, you were simply going to disappear out of the dark hospital room. It was only now when you were back that Simon realized just how much he was getting used to your love, he never knew what people meant when they told him: You only begin to cherish love when it leaves. until now. now he understood because you were his only love, and you were leaving him.

I′m going under and this time I fear there′s no one to turn to

This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you

Simon never cared for others much, only your feelings mattered to him. he always told himself he was either going to love you with everything he had or he wasnt going to love you at all. so he did, he loved you to the best of his abilities. and now he was seeing where that got him.

Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to heal

Somebody to have, just to know how it feels

It's easy to say, but it′s never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it has now been 2 weeks and you were still not awake. Simon got back into old habits, drowning himself in cigarettes and alcohol, trying to forget what the doctors told him. he was imagining you to get better, but that was all it was: his imagination. In reality, you were kept alive by machines for the past week. he told himself you were going to get better, that your body just needed more time, but with every passing day he lost hope, he came to the realisation that maybe your time had come, but did he want to believe it? no. No, he couldnt believe that so instead he kept lying to himself. Theyre getting better, theyll wake up, they wont leave me, they cant leave me I wont let them. These were his daily thoughts.

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes

I fall into your arms

I′ll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

it had been 4 months now. not since they found you, no, since the doctors told him there was no more life left in you, it had been 3 months and 16 days since he buried you 6 feet under the ground. since Ghost buried Simon with you. there was no light in Ghost's life anymore because you were his only light, he would have buried himself with you, and the only thing keeping him from doing that was John Price. so instead he closes his eyes and pretends, he pretends you never went missing. that the last 2 years of his life never happened. that he was here, in your arms.

For now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you′re not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

The day of your funeral was the day he swore to himself he was never going to love anybody else, his heart only ever belonged to you. he wore you close to his heart, put your wedding band on a necklace and your dog tags always in his breast pocket. he spent his days working as much as he could to distract himself from the pain. this often got him cused out by Price but he couldnt take a break, he knew he would lose himself at the thought of you again.

But now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it has been a year since you passed, a year full of pain, darkness, and recovery for Ghost. he still hasnt moved on, and he never will be able to. the last year was spent finding information about the bastards who took you from him and today was the day, he had finally gotten revenge for your death. it didnt end ideal for him though, turns out that taking on an enemy all by yourself wasnt that easy. but he didnt care how much it hurt, he didnt care he disobeyed orders and he didnt care that he was bleeding out right now. because it was for you. anything he ever did was for you and only you. it all didnt matter to him because even though he always thought dying would be painful he found comfort in it, he didnt know if it was his mind playing tricks on him but the blood he lost warmed him, it reminded him of the warmth you once gave him. his mind got cloudy, vision being overtaken by black spots and it felt like he was falling into an ocean, the deep and dark water taking him in and not letting him go. he saw his life, all the pain and the lovely moments you created, flow before him. he saw you, looking amazing on your wedding day. he felt you, hugging him after he proposed to you in the middle of the field just when he thought he was never going to see you again. and he smelt you, oh that beautiful smell of you. and with all these senses of you and only you surrounding him, he took a deep breath, a breath that was going to be his last. he took it and with a smile on his face, he began his journey back to you. wherever that may be.

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved