Life After Love

Chapter One

My hands trembled as I read over the contract, careful not to miss a single word. Divorce papers. Not exactly how I wanted to be spending my thirty fifth birthday, but here we are. As I read, I couldn't help but wonder, how did we get here? How did I get here? It wasn't supposed to be this way, but I guess nobody gets married and expects to wind up here. That's the whole point of marriage, right? For better or worse? However, there are some things that even love can't forgive. And I definitely will never forget either.

I'll never be able to erase the image of him holding her, touching her, kissing her. I wasn't supposed to see, of course. I was supposed to be out of town at a writer's expo, I was supposed to be gone all week. But I came home early because I wasn't feeling well. I wasn't feeling well before I left, a stomach bug probably, but I thought I could tough it out. I wanted to go so bad, I was so sure that this expo would help me get my first real 'break' in my writing career. It hadn't been going so well. But Elias was so supportive, so loving and caring and encouraging.

"It'll happen babe, just give it time. It's not an easy industry ya know?"  I remember him saying one cloudy morning over coffee. I stared at my open laptop and re-read the first chapter I had written. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had to try. And he encouraged me to try, he pushed me to it. When he told me to quit my job to write full time, I thought he had to have lost his mind. "Why not? I can support us, I make more than enough for the two of us. It'll give you more time to work on your story, and then you can focus more on building the career you want. Plus, I wouldn't be opposed to coming home to a hot home cooked dinner every night, that sounds nice," he has said with a wink and a smile. I hesitated at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. Why not? I wanted it bad, so I quit my job at the marketing firm to write full time. Being home more, it was great at first. Then Elias started having to work longer hours. First it was an extra hour, then two, then suddenly I was staying up until one A.M. waiting for him to get home finally.

"Sorry I'm late again babe, this case really has us working so hard. But it's almost over, and once we win, I'll be back to my normal hours," he had explained one night after slinking through the front door to find me awake on the couch. Of course I had the feeling it wasn't just the case, but I can't say it was super unusual for him to have long nights like this. His law firm was one of the busiest in the city, Richard and Rose Legal Group, they specialize in pharmaceutical lawsuits. Defending the little guy. He was always so proud of that. I should have known though. I should have seen the signs, they were there, but I couldn't think about that. I couldn't let myself go down that path, I didn't want to be that wife. You know the one, the one who's always suspicious, always going through texts and emails and social medias trying to find just one tiny shred of evidence that her husband is fucking anyone who isn't her. 

Besides, he was my best friend. To be honest, looking back now I really think that I didn't want to know. I didn't want to accept that he could do this to me. After fifteen fucking years. I didn't want to think that the sweet boy I fell head over heels for our junior year of high school, the boy I said 'forever' to at twenty, the man I supported through law school, could hurt me this way. Where was the Elias I knew? Where was the Elias I loved? And maybe he had always been this way. Maybe I had just always turned the blind eye to who he really was, what he was really capable of. Ignorance is bliss and all. However, I don't truly believe that. I don't truly believe that he was always this way, he couldn't have been. He was always so loving, so kind and empathetic. I used to tell people that I couldn't have found better if I had made him in a lab, and I believed that too. He was the perfect boyfriend, who turned into the perfect husband. That is, until he wasn't.

When I came home and saw him in bed with her, I couldn't speak. I was, for the first time in my life, truly speechless. I sat frozen in the doorway, just staring at my whole world falling apart in front of my eyes with nothing to be done about it. She saw me first, and when I actually saw her face I was even more shocked to recognize her. The new paralegal. The one he had started to bring up. Sierra. "You'd love our new paralegal, we should get together sometime. We could go on a double date with her and her boyfriend, but I think you two would get along perfectly," he had told me when she started. This was about six months ago, and I had laughed at the thought of him making my friends for me. He was always the social butterfly. People loved him, and he loved people. He could make a connection with anyone about anything, it didn't matter who they were or what their interests are, he somehow had some way to relate to it and them. I had always admired this about him, because I was the opposite. An outcast typically, I kept to myself and kept my circle small. I didn't do small talk with strangers or try to 'double date' with my coworkers. I enjoy my solitude, and I guess now I am going to be getting a lot more of that. "She's one of the coolest people I've ever met, she reminds me a lot of you," he continued as if he was pitching a sale, "I think you'd really love her."