Life After Love

Chapter Four

I had hardly slept that night, the adrenaline of the new beginnings still coursing through my veins. I tossed and turned, and then eventually sat up and quietly slipped out of bed. I checked my phone, the time read one thirty three A.M. We had only gotten into town about two hours ago, and I knew I needed to get some sleep but I just couldn't. I grabbed my jacket and silently stepped out into the cool night air. Even thought it was late March now, it was still quite brisk. I pulled my jacket tighter around me and looked up into the sky.

The stars were brighter than I could ever remember seeing them, and I stared in awe at the fully lit sky. They seemed to twinkle and dance in a way I'd never really seen before, having spent my whole life in the city. I spy in a slow circle, trying to pick out constellations that I had been taught, but with so many stars that I'd never seen before it was difficult. So I stopped and just admired the view. I took a good last look, soaking in the fresh air and the bright night sky, then made my way quietly back into the van. Jory was sleeping peacefully on the bed, and I crawled back in beside her. The blankets were warm and felt good on my now chilled skin, and I soon drifted off. 

The next morning we awoke early at seven A.M. and decided to stop and eat at the Wild Oats Bakery and Cafe. I had an avocado toast panini with orange juice, and Jory had an egg and spinach panini with coffee. "Alrighty, what's first?" She asked over a half mouthful of food. I swallowed and pulled my laptop out of my bag to pull up our list.

"First is the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens. It's in Boothbay Harbor, which is about a forty five minute drive from here."

"Alright," she took a sip of her coffee, "should we get on the road then?" I nodded and started to pack up the trash from our meal onto the tray. She took the last sip of her coffee and added her cup to it, then I stood and threw the trash away. We made our way back out to the van and started driving.

-

"So, Lyn, are you really doing okay?" Jori asked me from the passenger seat. We had been quiet for most of the drive, still trying to fully wake up and be prepared for the day. I glanced over at her and gave her a small smile.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Well," she paused as if trying to find the right words, "you've just seemed a little, not quite yourself lately. Like, not in a bad way. Mostly good, but just, different." I chuckled a little and nodded.

"Yeah I'm okay. I just, I'm ready for a new start ya know? And there's so much out there to see and do, and who knows? My whole life has been planned out for so many years, and now there is no plan. There's no expectations, it's just whatever I want it to be now. And I don't know exactly what that is anymore, or if I'll ever truly know again."

"Alright, I can understand that. I just need to check in and make sure this isn't, like, a mental break or something. I don't want us to end up on an episode of 'Snapped'," she giggled and I laughed at the idea. I mean, it's not like I hadn't thought of something like that, especially in the earlier days. I like to think that everyone has dark thoughts like that, especially when they hit those 'rock bottom' points in their life. Although, I did honestly think more about hurting myself than I did him, I had thought about it. My therapist had once told me "our response to dark thoughts is more telling about who we are than the thought itself."  I try to remember this on the harder days.

"I promise, we will not be on a 'Snapped' episode." I smiled at her and she nodded, satisfied for now.

-

We pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of the van, gravel crunching under our feet. We made our way into the visitor's center and out over the bridge, working our way slowly to the butterfly exhibit. We wandered through to the five senses exhibit, stopping to admire the beautiful flowers and thick green grasses and buzzing wildlife. We listened to the birds chirp and chatter through the trees, and watched as bumble bees drifted lazily from flower to flower. We talked about life and how exciting this new adventure is, and what we were excited to do and see next.