Love Loss Regrets

Chapter 1

I'm trying my hardest to move, to scream at Julian to stop. My body is frozen and my throat feels as though it's closed up. I told him I didn't want to do it this way. He told me this was the only way for us to be together happily. I could have asked Alex for a divorce. It was that simple.

I hear the sound of my dad’s body hitting the dining room floor, the sound breaking my thoughts. I look over to his now lifeless body pouring out blood. His eyes are still open, looking right at me. I feel my heart sink and the feeling of sickness washes over me. My throat begins to close up and my tears start to form. What has he done? Why did I let him do this?

I can’t move nor can I speak. I feel the guilt starting to set in. Julian was right, I should’ve stayed at his place. The way my dad begged for my help. He begged me to call the police but I just watched as he tried to fight Julian off. I could have stopped it before it escalated from there but even when I wanted to get him off of my dad, I was frozen still. Nothing was coming out. What Julian did was too far. I pleaded with him to just pick someone else, anyone else. He insisted that it had to him. I refuse to believe it was necessary. He had to have just wanted this. He wanted to kill him. How could I not think that?

Julian walks toward me with a smug grin plastered on his face. Almost making me hate him, “Why are you crying? This is what you wanted. It’s far too late to go back now. Let’s get the fuck out of here. The smell of his blood is making me sick.”

I’m so close to telling him that this isn’t what I wanted, that it’s what he convinced me to agree to. I told him that there were other ways, but he said that murder was the best option. I asked him countless times why it needed to be my father that was killed, but he just kept telling me how I should have more trust in him. 
I look at him in disbelief. I grasp onto his t-shirt as my tears continue to fall. He doesn’t say anything, he just watches as I cry helplessly all over his bloody shirt.

“Wait…we can’t just leave him like this. Please, Julian.”

“You asked for this, I didn't. I did this for you, so I am not gonna say it again, we have to go. Now.”  He says with annoyance etched in the tone of his voice.

I don’t have the internal strength to go against his word, so I just comply. He smacks my hands away from his shirt and he drags me out of the dining room and through the living room, toward the front door. He abruptly closes the door behind us the second we get outside.

“Can we please just go see him one last time?”

Julian takes out a cigarette, “Just get in the fucking car, Cecile.”

He must be feeling anxious because he’s never acted like this before. I walk to the passenger side of his white convertible. After I get in, I take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm my anxiety.

“How’re you meant to frame your husband for this? They’re gonna know it was me.” He sighs, “Goddamnit, Cecile.” he says as he presses his head onto his steering wheel.

“Look, I’ve thought this through. Please, don’t think so negatively.” I plead.

“I have good reason to be concerned. Don’t you think? I just killed that man.” he says in disbelief. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I just decide to keep quiet for a while. I know that’s probably what he wants, anyways.