In His Bed (18+)

Chapter 62

Outside, a light sprinkle had dampened the sidewalk, filling the air with the scent of rain. Robert and I strolled, side by side, silent, until he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, "Talk about what? She's dead. I'm never going to see her again. She'll never see me get married, have kids..."

"Is she the first person you've lost?"

Nodding, I muttered, "Yeah."

My great-grandparents were gone before I could even remember them. All of my life, it had just been me, Mom and my grandparents.

Maybe it wasn't the most conventional family, but it was loving, and it had been mine.

And now, it's gone...

Robert sighed, "The first one always hits the hardest."

Quirking an eyebrow, I asked, "Who was your first?"

"My grandfather."

"How'd he die?"

His voice was soft as he answered, "Heart attack."

"Heart attack?"

Looking ahead, he explained, "He was also a lawyer, and from what I've been told, he worked ungodly hours for most of his adult life. Of course," he chuckled, "the smoking and the drinking didn't help matters. One night, it all caught up to him, and he keeled over in his office. His secretary found him slumped over his desk the next morning."

"That's grim," I muttered.

A slight grin formed on his lips, "I've long believed that he was an excellent example for how to not live your life."

"You don't exactly sound like you miss him."

Robert shrugged, "Truth be told, I don't."

Curiosity had me turning to look at him, "Then why did his death hit the hardest?"

"Because it was the first time that I was faced with the fact that I was going to die someday too."

I said nothing, mulling this over as we walked.

He continued, "I just remember it absolutely knocking the wind out of me, and I wasn't the same afterward."

"So, how did you get through it? What happens now?"

"Now?" Robert paused, considering his words, "now you live your life."

Stopping in my tracks, my anger flared, and I demanded, "How?"

"One day at a time."

I scoffed, "Look, that's easy for you to say-"

"Well-"

Narrowing my eyes, I glared, "Your grandfather was a man you fully admit you didn't like - I lost my grandmother," shaking my head, I swallowed, "That woman helped raise me, she comforted me after nightmares, she was the shoulder I cried on-"

"I'm sorry, Hailey, I only-"

Too heated to stop, I kept going, "You're standing there, acting like you know how I feel, but you can't possibly know-"

"Hailey-"

"-I'm the reason she's dead!" I shouted, my fear, rage and self-loathing finally boiling over.

Robert froze, confused, "What?"

I felt my face crumple, tears springing up in my eyes as the truth fell off of my tongue, "I'm responsible! I should have been there that day! If I had, she'd still be here!"