ASOUE what ifs

If Uncle Monty lived

No harm will come to you in the reptile room.

I meant that, with all my heart and soul. I always wanted a family, so when the Baudelaires lost their parents, I was the one they turned to. Although, they managed to get into the hands of Count Olaf, because of one idiotic banker. Once the Bambini and Mr. Poe arrived I offered some cake, as I learn that Sunny dislikes soft foods. Once I shoo'ed away the banker, I went to tour the children around, I showed them where they stay, the dining room, and the lounge. Afterwards I showed them my most important part of my life, the Reptile Room. I showed them my reptile library, and my newest find, the Incredibly Deadly Viper. He lunged at little Sunny, while they were freaking out, I was laughing as hard as possible. See, the name is a misnomer, a term that means something named wrongly. The IDV (what we shall call Incredibly Deadly Viper for short) is one of the most gentle creatures out there. He wouldn't a fly, I've tried. I show them the other specimens after explaining that IDV is friendly, like the Dissonant Tortoise, Screeching Iguana, Winged Lizard, and the Broken-Hearted Crocodile. Then I go to the store to buy canned peaches, a fireproof canoe, and some other items.

 When I come back the door is open, someone came in, I check to see what happened and a bald man, with a great beard and glasses is with the Baudelaires. I bring them in the Reptile Room to sort things out, we speak loudly so he thinks that we don't think he is who I believe he is. VFD has been watching out for him, ever since that day at the theather.. Moving on, later on in the day we go to the movies. I need to see a message there, the man... Stephano, he wanted to watch here, reasonable, but I need the information.

We go to the theater, the actor was Gustav, I seem to forget that he's gone.. He was my... assistant for many years, and he randomly left a note that he quit one day. The movie was strange, but the message, I wrote it down on the ticket

"Hello Monty

Danger!

Take the children to"

Stephano didn't allow me to see where I am to take them, I talk to the man up front, my good friend Albert. He rewinds it, the elder lady behind the bambini says something, I ignore it and I write the last word.

"Peru."

 I look at Albert, and he looks at me, I tell him, "I need 4 tickets to Peru, stat." He nods, and prints them out at the front. I go back to finish the movie, Stephano's powderfaced twin elderly women tried to kidnap me, it didn't work, I tied them together as they attempted to do to me. 

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Afterwards, I tuck the Baudelaires in, but before I tell them to pack, we're going somewhere. Naturally they ask where, I tell them its a suprise, and I leave. I go downstairs to list things I need, and the door to the Reptile Room is open..

I swear I left it closed.

Did someone break in?

I go to cautiously check, someone lunges at me, wielding a strange weapon, filled with venom!

I almost got hit, but I dodged the attack, I pin him down to the ground silently. Its pretty dark, I recognize it, its Stephano. I knew it, he was trying to kill me. "Lets see who you really are, 'Stephano'." I sounded like I was in Scooby-Doo, but in my opinion, it was pretty cool. (Scooby-Doo was a thing then as it was made 1969, and ASOUE is set at around 1996, [at least thats what I've heard.]) I see if his bald head is fake, it is, so I rip it off, revealing an extremely recognizable unibrow and almost bald hairstyle. "You." I hiss, glaring at him, he glares back, "Me." I pull him up, and I grab a random fork that I forgot to put away, and I hold it close to his neck, "Why are you here, Olaf?" He shrugs, "Nothing, nothing, just some money... specifically from a set of recently orphan-ed children." I bring the fork to touch his neck, "You will not harm the  Baudelaires for as long as I live." He grins, "Which won't be for long."

 He tries stabbing me with his contraption, I go under it and he almost hits himself. I grab it and I take out the venom sample, "Mamba du Mal. You were going to kill me with my own venom!" I look at him, he smiles, "And so what if I was? Beatrice killed my father with darts WE made." "That was accidental and you know it." He shrugs, "She still killed him though. Can't forgive that." I punch him in the jaw, fed up, hoping to break it, "Did you do the same to Gustav? Did you inject him with this?" I hold up the venom, he responds, holding his jaw, "No, he got a poison dart, if you want to see, check your pool."

 I look out the window, horrified, (I headcanon they had something going on soo be prepared for that lol) he didn't really resign. I suspected it was more than that, as we were also.... more than just a man and someone he hired. I turn back to Olaf, with fury in my eyes, for the safety of the bambini and for the sake of Gustav, I knock him out with my most powerful punch. It was with as much strength I can muster with these aging bones, it managed to knock him out though.

I check to see if he is still concious, by that I mean kicking his head, nothing. I call the police to take him away, and I wait to make sure he doesn't wake up before the police come. Then again, concidering it's him, the police could be his henchmen.

 Luckily for me, it wasn't. They took him away, turns out he's wanted for a lot of other stuff, like arson. Wait... arson..? Does that mean... he could have caused the fire that killed the Bambini's parents? I feel too upset to sleep, upset that he could have killed me, he may have killed the Baudelaire's parents, and that he killed Gustav.

I waited until the sun rose, I check my watch, 5 o'clock, I go to the childrens room, and I check to see if they are awake yet, and I see the eldes, Violet sitting on her bed, I walk to her, "It's only 5 in the morning, why are you awake now, Violet?" She flinches slightly, then turns to me, "Oh, uncle Monty, its you. I just.. couldn't sleep." I nod, "If you are wondering about Olaf," My expression turns to one of annoyance when I say his name, "I have taken care of him, he is in the custody of the police." She looks at me, and lights up a bit, "Really? Are you serious?" I pat her shoulder, "Yes, dear Violet, now shall we get prepared?"

 I stand up and clap my hands, changing my expression to one of excitement, she nods and asks me, "Shall we wake up my siblings?" I nod, "Why not?" I go to Klaus, and gently shake him awake, "Klaus, wake up, Peru awaits!" Violet holds Sunny in her hands, "Peru? That's where we're going?" I nod, Klaus sits up and places his glasses, "Hm? But what about Ola- no, wait- Stephano?" I pat his head, "Olaf has been taken into custody of the police last night." His eyes widen and he turns to Violet, "Is it true?" she nods, and Sunny says, "Balp!" which I believe translates to, "Finally!" So I smile at her and I say, "Finally indeed, Sunny." Violet tilts her head, "You understand her?" and I nod. Then I go to the doorway to pack my reptiles, before I leave I say, "Get ready, bambini, the ferry leaves at eight." I look at them to make sure they understood me, they did, so I head out to get my reptiles ready. IDV is slithering around, Olaf must have let him out, I gently pick him up and I tell him, "We're going to Peru soon, my slithering friend." I gently boop his nose, and I place him in a travel cage, as well as my other specimens. I check my watch, its already 6:30. I finished packing my studies and reptiles, so I go back to the children's room. I knock on the door, I hear Klaus say, "Come in!" So I peek into the doorway, "Bambini, are you all packed up now?" They nod, Violet says, "Yes. I was wondering, on the way can you answer some questions we've had these past few days..?" I nod, "Of course, I'll tell you all I know." I was planning on telling them about VFD, but I'll wait until they have finished with their questions. 

We left at 7 O'clock, and made it in time, then off to Peru we went. It was promising, they helped with my studies, we found new reptile species, and I told them everything about VFD. We were safe, and we were happy. They grew to join VFD as well, and how they reminded me of their parents. I know they are watching from the Heavens above, they must be proud.

End.

1576 words

thank you for reading, I appreciate it!! I'll make more soon and if you have any what ifs, feel free to comment them, ty and stay healthy ~the writer