Letters I Can Never Send

Digital World

I don't want to do this
I'm sick of laying in my bed all day
Lounging on the couch
Lying on the floor
Scrolling through time suckers
Pinterest
Instagram
TikTok
Anything really
It's as if I'm losing my life to a reality that only the digital world can see
And the digital world is the only one I care about
But the digital world isn't even real
Am I losing my mind??
I want to be "that girl"
I want to improve
I want to go get the things I want
But all I want right now is to curl up in bed and add more items to my "that girl" Pinterest board
All motivation
But no effort
I want to try
And I do
But after a day or two I quit
I get sucked back into the spiraling void
Of smiling faces
Pearly white teeth
Perfect hair
Cute clothes
Big house
Hot boyfriend
But none of it's mine
I'm surviving
But I'm not living
Watching all these people pass by
Envying them
Wanting to be them
But not having the energy to try
I make plans for the day
But never go through with them
I don't even no what I'm doing anymore
Everyone says the teenage life is something that I can't miss
But at 17 I've already missed most of it
I swear if I check the past
I'll have spent 50% of my life on my phone
This stupid little box that I wish wouldn't control me
Consuming my thoughts
My hands itch to hold it
But nothing fulfilling can come out of this
It's just seeing one picture after the other
Filling me with more jealousy
Til that green monster is roaring inside of me
But I sit there still
Wishing and hoping
But not changing