Severus Snape had given up in love after his beloved lily died, that was until a certain Slytherin arrived more like a certain Malfoy.
Remus Lupin was a werewolf and grew up without many friends, he bullied Severus. Slowly his friends died. He had...
TW: topics of drowning, alcohol misuse, binge eating, isolating, weight gain, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of vomit.
I was cold, excruciatingly cold. My body ached and shivered, clinging on to the very last energy I had to keep going as I gained consciousness. I dared not breathe nor open my eyes as I started to push myself up, the cold water sending chills down my already cold spine. I was not going to give up again. I screwed my eyes shut. I moved my arm, pushing the water behind me and slowly making myself swim to the top. My chest ached and my eyes we're heavy but it's too early to die, what about Draco? What about Mother? What about Remus and Severus? They need me. Fuck I need me.
My head hit the cold,hard ice. I opened my eyes, trying to spot an exit. My eyes fell on a hole, yes! My body felt heavy once more, just a few more minutes. I pushed myself near the exit. I can't give up. I was getting closer, the moon peeking through the ice and lighting up the dark water. My lungs and chest started to ache once more. I pushed harder towards the opening, gasping when i pushed myself out.
I layed on the ice, catching my breath. My lips quivered as chills went down my spine. I slowly started to stand, walking back to Hogwarts. I was dripping and shivering. I was sure i looked like a mad man.
"Y/N,is that you?" The very familar voice of Hagrid asked. I turned around,tears in my eyes.
"What in merlin's beard happened?" He asked,walking towards me.
"I-I fell in the l-lake." I shivered. His face dropped as he pratically ran towards me.
"Let's get you to madam Pomfrey." He said as he picked up my almost limp body. The world started to spin,my stomach whirling. I started to cough violently. I spat out a mixture of water and mucus. Hagrid sped up. He walked through the castle as i turned my head away from the corridor. I heard Hagird push open the heavy doors of the infirmary with his feet. I heard madam Pomfrey gasp when she saw my blue lips and drenched appearance.
"Oh my, what happened?!" She said,running over to me.
"She said she fell into the lake." Hagrid replied.
"Poor thing." She said,searching for something. She walked back over with warm towels and dry clothes. She told Hagrid to lay me down on the bed and thanked him for bringing me to her. She undressed me,drying my blue body with the towels. She covered my body in the bedsheets.
"Who would you like to get you clothes?" She asked.
"Blake Scamander,tell him to get a beige knitted sweater and leggings." I ask.
"Okay,my love. He is coming." She smiles. She starts to towel dry my hair before putting it up in a messy bun. Blake comes in a few minutes later,a worried expression clearly displayed on his face. He rushes up to me.
"I shouldn't have left you here, I'm sorry. Robin is such a dick." He smiles as he tears up. He stands up,handing the clothes over.
"Do you want to get changed by yourself or should i dress you?" Madam Pomfrey asks.
" I can do it myself." I grab the clothes and go behind the paper boards.
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The sweater still smells like him. I smile as i walk out,still a tad bit cold.
" Miss Mafloy ,you will be taking this week off to fully heal from your injuries that you have sustained internally. You do not go to any classes or go outside and all windows must be closed." She says.
"Alright. Can i go to my dorm now?" I say.
"Of couse,see you later Miss Malfoy." She smiles.
"Bye." I say as i walk out the infirmary. I walk down the warm halls to the cold dungeons. I speed walk to my dorm. I opened my door and sat on my bed. I felt tears rush to my eyes. I sniffled and let the warm tears run down my face and neck. I should have let myself die. Honestly if anyone was THAT worried they would have looked for me. Fuck Robin. Fuck Severus. Fuck Remus. Fuck Harry. Fuck Cho. Fuck Lucius. Fuck Voldemort. Fuck Y/N. I collapsed on my floor as i sobbed and hyperventilated.
--------- Time skip: an hour later ---------
My eyes were red and puffy,my nose swollen and stuffy. I wiped my tears and snot away before standing up and walking to my mini fridge. I grabbed a big box of bertie botts every flavour beans and some chocolate wands. I sat down next to the fridge,ripping open the box of jelly beans and digging in.
I had emptied out my whole fridge in the space of an hour. I felt numb. Completely numb.
------- Time skip ---------
As time went on, i got less social and more chubby. I haven't left my room in over one month, i had food delivered to me by my owl. People have tried to lure me out but it doesn't work. Teachers have come in and out with school work so i don't get behind with schoolwork but i don't do it. All my motivation has gone.
I layed on my bed,staring at the ceiling as I drank my bottle of bourbon. No one gets it. My head pounded as my stomach whirled. I felt ill,both mentally and physically. I loved them! I keep trying to tell myself it wasnt my fault but it really was. I started flirting not them! I made the first move! I guess I am just a whore like Harry said. I spent 6 months of my life with them and they break my heart in return! My head tells me to give up and kill myself but my heart wants to stay just to see if they come back for me.
I chucked the empty bottle of alcohol aside and wobbily walked to the bathroom. I sat by the toilet, my face pale and my hands shaking. Tears ran down my skin. My head pounding. My stomach whirled. My head rushed towards the toilet, letting the contents on my stomach out into the bowl. I coughed and spluttered for ages until my body felt weak.
My eyes fell upon my eyebrow scissors. My arms and legs started to ache, my head screamed telling me to like up the scissors and do it. I tried to fight, but in the end like always I lost.
I looked at my hands. They were covered in my crimson blood. I closed my eyes before picking up the scissors once more and dragging it along my scarred skin. I hissed in pain as the wound stung and started to bleed and drop into the floor. My hands fell lino against my sides, dropping the scissors. I gulped. I picked up the scissors daring myself to keep going. My legs were shaking as adrenaline rushed through me, supplying me with more energy. I dragged the blade against my skin once more, listening to the scrapping sound it made when it cut through my skin. My body felt numb. I could no longer feel the pain of losing everyone I loved, or the stinging if the cuts in my olive toned skin. I just felt numb.
My eyes wandered the room, my head went light and the blood pooled around me. I looked down, looking at how my blood fell onto the floor, making the pool larger. I smiled as my eyes shut and my body shit down. Everyone had problems right?
A/N sorry for not uploading much, I have been busy and sick and had writers block. I have been all over the place over the past 6 weeks. Thank you for the ongoing support I really appreciate it! Love you all and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Goodbye and have a great day/night! -Sapphire <3
