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Kyla Santana Brown St. Louis
I asked Nina what she thought about it all, but she just chuckled and shook her head. "That doesn't work for everybody" she warned me. "Anyway, girl, that's a stupid reason to give it up."
When I asked Nina if she was still a virgin, she looked at me as if I were crazy. "Hell, no," she said, shaking her head. "Fred is a senior this year. Do you think he would still be seeing me if I wasn't giving him something to stick around for?"
It was then that I realized that Devin probably wouldn't keep wasting his time on me if I didn't give him what he wanted. I didn't love him. I don't think I even liked him very much, but I wanted to be associated with him. His rank gave me my rank, and I didn't want to lose it.
It was a snowy afternoon in February when I reluctantly lost my innocence.
Lying flat on my back on the couch in Denise's living room with my legs spread open, I left childhood behind forever; but I took the pain like the scared little girl that I still was. Devin was just a boy himself, so he didn't know how to make me feel comfortable. I should have noticed how little he knew about the act when I saw him struggling to put his condom on.
"Dang" he murmured, looking down at me with an embarrassed grin on his face. "I think I tore this one." I rolled my eyes while he hopped up to locate another condom. When he returned, he tried again to put on his protection. This time, he was successful.
"I hope you'te ready for this;" he said as if i was about to experience the ride of my life.
He entered me fast, and thrust himself inside of me roughly. I gritted my teeth and cried out softly, but he was so inexperienced he confused my distress with delight. He went faster and harder, until I pleaded with him to stop.
He didn't listen to me. He gasped and sighed, moaning my name in my ear for about three minutes before he pulled out and collapsed on top of me, struggling to catch his breath and calm his heartbeat.
"So what's up?" he asked, kissing my lips and touching my dimpled chin. "You like it?" "Yeah," I said, lying through my teeth. "Now get off of me."
I remember wondering why so many women had misled me. I thought about all the women on TV and in the movies that I had seen squealing out in orgasmic ecstasy during sex. I even thought about the snippets of conversation I had overheard between my aunts when they rolled their eyes dramatically and fanned their faces with their hands as they spoke about their intimate experiences with men. I felt like I had been hoodwinked.
Even though I didn't want to take myself through the physical strain again, I obliged Devin when he asked for more sex. I knew that I had opened Pandora's box, so there was no point in trying to close it. Each time I had sex was almost as uncomfortable as the first time. I started to suffer from lower back pain and abdominal pain.
