And That's Okay

TW: Language, University Struggles, Sexual Orientation Struggles, Strained Parental Relationships, Slight Implications of Body Dysmorphia, Angst (No Comfort), Reader implied to have anxiety, Codependent relationship, Implications of a toxic relationship, Smoking, Hookup culture

Smut Warnings: F/F Sex, Oral (giving and receiving), fingering, first-time receiving anything and everything, loss of virginity, mentions of penetrative sex, mentions of dildo and various other usage of sex toys, F/M Sex, blowjobs, drunk sex, protected sex, penetrative sex, sloppy makeouts

Notes: HAHA I GOT IT DONE IN TIME FOR HER COMEBACK! So, yeah, full disclosure this is heavily based off of my own experiences coming to terms with myself but obviously it's also super fucking exaggerated because it is fanfic lmao I gotta make it entertaining somehow. But, without further ado, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

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"Yeah, we're together."

"Oh, I'm happy for you," you smiled. Your friend had been seeing this guy for a while now, and you were the fortunate one who had listened to her the entire time. Sweet as it may be, you were glad that she'd finally mustered the courage to say yes to his constant probings. You were happy for her, truly, you were in love with the way she smiled now and the way she spoke about him, you could see it in everything that she did, she really was in love with him. The way her hair bounced when she nodded her head, the way her lips would turn up so slightly, and the way that smile still reached her eyes. You were happy for her, really, you were.

"Thank you, (Y/N)! I only have you to thank, really, you've been helping me out with this since day one and... ahh," she rubs the back of her neck bashfully. Her hair parted slightly under her hands, revealing the soft skin beneath it while she did so and the light tinge of her cheeks sent your heart racing. "(Y/N)? Everything alright? I mean, I know, it must be annoying to hear me gush about him all the time," she asks with a small laugh.

"Yeah, fine, no, that's okay. You like him, right?"

"I do! But, I mean, we haven't really labeled our relationship yet because, I mean, I'm still getting to know him," she continued on. Her voice, though melodious to you always, drowned out in the sea of your thoughts. "Oh, shoot, (Y/N), I lost track of time, I have to head out," she glances at her phone, the lone notification on it telling you everything you needed to know. "Same time next week?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'm always free," you nodded.

"Do you want me to walk you to your car? I know you don't like to be alone," she says it with a painful jab. But it was the truth. You hated walking alone as much as you hated being alone but, still, you shook your head.

"I think I'll stay here for a bit longer."

"Sounds good, get home safe, (Y/N)!" She packs her things.

"You too. Bye," you waved and watched her go, leaving you sitting in the café. Goodbye.

That's how you said goodbye to your first love.

The time was 2:30 pm in the afternoon. In a quiet café, seated at the counter near the very back, and with no more patrons than fingers on one of your hands. You could hear coffee brewing behind you, and the playlist of the day was soft jazz. The cup just a finger away had long gotten cold, forgotten as you listened to your friend's love story, and your tablet just minutes from dying. You looked down at your notes and read through a few lines, but you didn't know what to do, you didn't know what to think. You were heartbroken, sure, you had to be. Your first love, the person you had fallen in love with years before and the person who you continued to love, had found someone else. Someone else who made her smile wider than before, someone else who she found herself thinking of at random points of the day, and someone else who made her feel happier than before. And that someone wasn't you. It was your fault, really. How could she ever come to love you if you've never in mustered the courage to even come out to her? You couldn't breeze through love with another woman the same way you could with another man.