I am a 16 year old Californian boy, transgender female to male. I've been groomed twice, once over a period of 6-7 months, the other time spanning over 4-5 years.
My thoughts are a mess, so I apologize for anyone reading this and being confused about certain events.
The second and most traumatic instance of my grooming was with my 'boyfriend', a high schooler neckbeard from Illinois. I met him through my anime phase, where I absolutely adored the anime 'My Hero Academia'. I read many fanfics by many authors, and I've met him from one of these authors' discord servers. He was into roleplaying as the characters, both sexually and non-sexually. I wasn't a stranger to lewd media, but this was the first instance I was experiencing it from another person. I had also met two other girls, one of which has been spared from his advances.
He made a private server for us to roleplay privately in. We talked for a while, before he made us move to another app. He had us use Google Hangouts. I'm not sure why he made us switch, and the reasoning is still lost on me to this day. On this app, he confessed to me and the other girl, saying that he's open to the idea of a polyamorous relationship. I wasn't, but I was so in love with him that I was willing to try anything for him. So, he was in a relationship with both me, and this other girl. He was disgusting and lewd with us. He exposed us to more sexually graphic content, and even asked us to send him nudes of ourselves to him. He got my nudes, but never hers. He reminded us that he loved us, every single day. One day out of the blue, he disappeared. He was gone for months. When he returned, he broke off our relationship and left both me and the other girl. After a while, we had broken up too, and I attempted once to get back with her. She rejected me, and we never talked again for a while before she reached out to me, dead named me, used my preferred name and told me that she loved me.
A year after this, only then I had realized what he had done. After this, I had grown a strong resentment of My Hero Academia, as I linked it to a traumatic experience, and much as I want to break this link, I can't. I still have a few my hero related items in my home, and I don't have the heart to touch or look at them.
I was 11 years old, and I didn't know who I was by this point. I still had my dead name, and I was still in middle school.
The other time was with a guy from Florida. Another high schooler, but older than the neckbeard. He, like I, is transgender. His name was Blaine, and he was around 14 years old when I met him. I say 'was' because I don't talk to him anymore. However or wherever he is doesn't matter to me.
Blaine had a lot of issues. All of them were lost on me for those 4-5 years I've known him.
At the start, I had met him through stupid YouTube drama. Both sides of the party had some choice words for one another. I had sided with him, and was invited to his server on none other than discord. I had met others like me, people who have sided with him or knew him in real life. At first, it was like we were a big friendship group and stuff. I didn't have many issues with the server members, but it was outsider issues that had bothered us.
Blaine constantly got into online arguments over YouTube, which ended up involving us. I don't have a clear memory of this time, so you'll have to take my words at face value. Before I had left (as I was busy with the guy from earlier, both these instances overlap one another), he came out as transgender after his partner did. His partner was my age at this time. Around 10 years old.
He was violent and expressed fantasies of torturing the people who even tried getting in his way. He was exhibiting symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder, as well as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and this behavior happened so often that we thought that it was normal and acceptable. He also expressed his fantasies of torture through his art, and expressed his fetishes and links through his artwork as well. He shared his artwork with us, which also implemented the idea of "being sexually explicit online is normal" in the group server.
After I came back, his behavior had worsened. I had dated within this group, but we had broken off, and when we had stated that we weren't dating anymore, he had freaked out and told us that we were meant to be together and that it wasn't fair. He made our personal issues his issues, and had made his issues the server's issues. He complained about his unaccepting household, the (literal) hole in his heart that prevented him from getting testosterone, and troubles with rent and school. I had grown close to him despite his behavior, and we shared our sexual and romantic feelings about fictional characters to one another, even writing fan fictions with and for one another. I had written for him a piece that was so grotesque I even felt disgusting writing it.
I no longer have that fan fiction, but I wrote it by his request. It was the most disgusting and horrifying thing I've written, and I don't wish to write such a thing again.
By this time, his behavior became even worse when his partner expressed the desire for a polyamorous relationship with another person. He felt as if this person was taking his partner away from him. This (by now) 17/18 year old was in distress over the possibility of his (14 year old) partner leaving him for them. They never ended up having this relationship, but they still broke up for reasons I haven't been informed on, but it wasn't because of the creepiness of the relationship.
We had only now started to realize what we were dealing with, and his ex-partner had shown us the private messages he had sent back and forth with Blaine. The messages were hard to read through, because they were disgusting and lewd. His ex-partner even told us that Blaine asked for nude pictures of themselves, but thankfully he had never received them. We felt so vulnerable and exposed to him, but I felt the most horrible for his partner after all of that. They were the one who was affected the most, and even though I don't speak to them anymore, I wish them well.
This situation started in my last year of elementary school at 10 years old, and ended when I was in high school freshman year, 14 years old.
I'm gonna be a Junior in a week. I have one more year left before I graduate. I only want to express my grief and anger, translate it into text and get someone out there to read it. I don't ask for help, I don't ask for advice, I don't ask for revenge, I only ask for someone to listen.
